Fangirlness ReWritten
by x-the-three-crazed-teenagers-x
Summary: Pirates of the Caribbean style. Three teenagers discover there is something deeper to their obsessions when they’re sucked into a DVD, and on an exhilarating journey full of laughter, we all learn something. COMPLETE!
1. The Art of Travelling Into a DVD Player

**Introduction**

So you're rolling your eyes thinking "hmmm… great. Another fan fiction where crazed teenager girls get "transported" into the world of Pirates of the Caribbean." Trust me – THIS is the one you want to read. It has:

- One completely obsessed fan girl  
- One girl who is_mostly_favourable to the idea of "Pirates"  
- And the one girl who just doesn't want to be there and complains about the acting and direction of the film the whole time.

And if you're still not convinced, our amazing reviews (THANK YOU) speak for themselves. And if you're STILL not convinced... you're mean!

Three movies. Three girls. ONE big adventure! (Yay cheesy summary!)

This was wrote with the help of Hazels laptop and the way windows media player automatically put on the subtitles so you know what everybody's saying, especially if you have bad hearing like Katy…

_(Alex: I'm going to my piano lesson now._  
_Katy: Who's a red elephant?)_

Thank goodness for subtitles.

By the way...  
Obsessed fangirl: Hazel  
Not too bothered girl: Katy  
Girl who has no real interest: Alex

We might occasionally refer to Will Turner as "The Whelp" and "Will Turnip". Sorry Will/Orlando fans, we have nothing against him, it's just he's a little bit of a dork, especially the first movie. Some find it cute. We, on the other hand, find it HILARIOUS.

_(Encase you are wondering WHY we call him Will Turnip, it is because when we were bored we drew all the characters as food. These characters were: - Captain Jack Marrow, Elizabeth Prawn, TEA-a Dalma, Bar-toast-a, Gravy Jones and of course WILL TURNIP. This should give you some insight as to how our imaginations work)_

Oh, yes, if Disney have spies all over the internet WE DON'T OWN ANYTHING!!! No copyright infringement intended. Don't sue. We're just BORROWING your characters. Except Alex, Katy and Hazel. They belong to me :D

Enjoy!

The art of travelling into a DVD player

It all started when we were round at Hazel's house, and had all agreed to a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon...

Hazel did a great job persuading her two friends to sit through, what, some 6 hours of Pirates of the Caribbean? Getting everyone to agree to this wasn't easy.

See, Hazel is the fan girl, she loves anything Johnny Depp. ANYTHING. (Even movies where he plays a scary throat slitting demon barber, he's still ADORABLE.) There are three massive Captain Jack posters in her room for crying out loud. She counted down the days until Pirates of the Caribbean 3. She stayed up until 5am so that she could be awake at the live broadcasting of the TRAILER. A truly dedicated fan. Completely in love with Johnny Depp, she claims she will cry, faint and scream all at the same time if she ever meets him. Heck, she'll do that if she even sees him. On TV. Which she does a lot. Her friends suffer sometimes.

Katy, one of Hazel's friends isn't quite as obsessed, her adorations lie with David Tennant, star of Doctor Who. She understands Hazel's fangirlness, only things get ugly if they argue over who is hotter- David or Johnny. Still, she was happy enough to agree to this little movie watching partay. She just likes Barbossa and Jack the monkey. And laughing at Will… and Jack…sometimes...

Alex is the one who fancies herself as a film critic, which means she has no obsessions, no long term undying love for certain films and TV shows. She's pretty normal. Think of her as the "control test." (If you're working up to doing GCSE Science like us you'll understand what we mean) She thinks that Johnny Depp is a good actor but is too overrated. She thinks that David Tennant needs to broaden his horizons and that he needs to trim his hair back. She is a sensible red- head. There.

So… there we were at the beginning of the first movie. Hazel was sitting with a look of eternal delight on her face at the thought of watching Johnny Depp for 6 hours. Alex was thinking about how it was that she had managed to be talked into this ordeal and in her boredom had assembled all the tangy orange crèmes (out of the tin of roses Hazel bought to keep her amused) in a line across the sofa and Katy was playing with the remote control. After about 10 minutes of volume and channel switching Hazel finally said "Katy you're going to break it… and I need to put the DVD on…"

Katy surrendered the remote while Hazel put the DVD on, but when she was finished Katy picked it up again. After they had watched the fist 5 minutes of Curse of The Black Pearl in French with Italian subtitles, and with the volume still going up and down Alex couldn't take it anymore.

"KATY, GIVE ME THAT REMOTE!!!" she yelled suddenly, pouncing on Katy.

"NO!" Katy yelled holding the remote away from her.

And so a great fight broke out between Katy and Alex. There was hitting, screaming, clawing and yes, even biting. Hazel watched for a little while and was amused by her friends' childish antics, but when she saw they were fighting seriously dirty she decided to do something drastic. She grabbed the nearest heavy blunt object (a lamp) and whacked them both hard, but attempting to avoid causing severe brain damage.

Miraculously, they both stopped killing each other to yell at Hazel and complain about loss of brain cells. The lamp shade went flying into to air and landed on Katy's head, like a hat. The remote control also went flying and was flung across the room, in front of the TV. (Meanwhile the now Spanish speaking Elizabeth was having a dream about the good old days when she had freckles) Anywho, forgetting why each of them needed the remote so badly, (maybe something to do with the lamp-whacking) the crazed teenagers hurled themselves at it. Each of them managed to get a few fingers on the remote and so many buttons were pressed at the same time. Not good for Mr. DVD Player. Then it all went black…

And so Hazel's sister Gemma came down the stairs in an attempt to break up the extremely noisy fight that was heard rather clearly from upstairs. But all was quiet. Did they hear her coming and quickly sort themselves out to avoid embarrassment? Or did she really have that "older sister" superiority to Hazel and her friends and did they immediately shut up like good little girls? Of course not. She noticed that the wild girls were nowhere to be seen. They had vanished… along with the lampshade…


	2. Being Harassed By Homosexual Guards

Being harassed by homosexual guards

Meanwhile, Hazel, Katy and Alex landed in the land of the pirate in awkward positions. Hazel landed quite painfully on her back, Katy landed upside down with her foot caught in a hang man's noose. Alex somehow landed in a perfect pose, gave the invisible camera her million dollar smile, clapped and said 'Olé!'

This moment was spoiled by the lampshade falling off Katy's head and landing on her.

"This, children, is why we should never play with remotes," said Hazel to herself, looking out onto the sea. It was very dark. Suppose street lamps hadn't been invented yet… Surely this was a dream? Surely somebody has just whacked her with the lamp a little too hard? She recognized this place from the movie… no way! They weren't actually in Port Royal…

Hmm… how do you describe being transported into a fantasy world a few centuries back? Well it's bizarre. And a little creepy, especially in the middle of the night.

Katy eventually clawed herself out of the noose and fell on Alex.

Alex started freaking out, being all sensible and everything. Katy joined in with her. Hazel was just thinking about how this was a dream come true… if it WORKED…

So there they were, three mysterious looking girls screaming their heads off at each other with guards lurking around. Not good. Soon they were spotted, and there much shouting in silly accents about how they had "no right and no reason to be on government property". Urm hello? What about being DUMPED on government property? And this is the age where young troublesome girls such as them were HUNG.

"Hazel, what the heck is going on? This isn't your living room! Tell me it's a weird dream that we'll laugh about the next day in school! TELL ME IT'S A DREAM!"

"I think we're IN the movie, Katy, if you must know. Now just shut up, they saw us!" Hazel replied to Katy's ranting.

Alex on the other hand decided to run away and hide while the guards were distracted with Katy yelling. That would have been smart... All of a sudden Katy and Hazel were gagged and scary guns with long sharp things attached were being pointed at them. Huh. They think they'd get them THAT easily. While the guards were shouting orders at each other in ye old English, Katy and Hazel started struggling like crazy. Katy managed to knee a guard in his 'area'. This did not go down well. What looked to be the poor worried guard's gay lover suddenly whacked Katy over the head with the butt of his gun and she was knocked out.

"DON'T YOU HIT MY FRIEND!!" yelled Hazel at the idiotic red coated fool. She attempted to knee him as well but he just whacked her. All this whacking was not good for these girls health…

And so it went black yet again.


	3. Yay prison!

Yay prison!

What felt like a year long coma later, Hazel and Katy eventually woke up. Yes, that's right, in a cell. It took them both a minute to remember exactly what had happened… remote control… Port Royal… guards… BLOODY STUPID guards… and now a jail cell. Fantastic. Katy was extremely confused and Hazel had to explain. She had read a lot of fanfiction where something similar happens. But this was ACTUALLY happening… to her...

"Ow my head!" exclaimed Katy "If one more person hits me over the head with a heavy blunt object I will scream. Goodness knows how many brain cells I have left!"

So they agreed to make the most of piraty land and go on a grand adventure. They were also aware that their iPods had been transported with them, and their modern clothes had been switched for period dresses. How that happened we don't want to know…

"So Jack will be here soon then?" asked Katy.

"Urm…. No… well not until later this evening… and it's only the morning."

The sun was just rising. Elizabeth was probably having a lovely dream about the young Master Turner round about now.

"Katy, if you escape now, we can see Jack's fantastical entrance, watch the fight with the Turnip, and see a donkey… then come back here with Jack…"

"Well that's great. This place is HUGE, where are we going to find Jack? And how are we going to escape? And it's not like Jack will exactly like the idea of teenagers following him about the place… oh yes and HOW are you dealing with the fact that Jack Sparrow is mere miles away? How will you even act around him? If you faint I'm not carrying you!" Katy always had to look on the bright side of life…. o.0

Hazel hadn't quite prepared herself for meeting Jack and was a little scared… but there were more important things on her mind. She suddenly remembered somebody…"Katy! Where on earth is Alex?"

"Alex!!! She hid when the red coated idiots were harassing us. She's probably living it up with Elizabeth. They seem to lie to take in young damsels in distress, and of course young Turnips in distress…"

Hazel laughed at the mention of Will. "Yeah… it's piraty land! She'll be fine…. "She nodded.

"That's the spirit. Now, how are we going to get out of here…?"

They checked the bars for any obvious signs of weakness. Nope. Not even a bench so that can use the Whelp's 'leverage' theory.

One of the two girls had a plan, however.

"Doggy! Come here!" Katy shouted at the pile of brown fluff in the distance. The fluff moved, and alas, it was the dog with the keys! "Who's a good puppy? Who's my smart little puppy wuppy? You are! Yes you are! I wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuve you!" Katy babbled at the dog.

Surprisingly, this rubbish worked and the dog came over wagging its tail and jingling its keys.

"Come here. Good boy. Give me your keys. That's a good doggy woggy…"

The dog inched ever closer. It just needed to come about an inch closer so that Katy could reach out and grab the keys.

Hazel (stupidly) attempted to join in. "Come here doggy!" she called out to the mutt, holding out her hand.

The dog whimpered and scampered away, and Katy whacked Hazel over the head. "Great Hazel, now we'll never get out thanks to your amazing dog whispering skills…"

"We will, we'll just miss Jack's entrance… and the fight with Turnip…" Hazel was practically in tears. She then sat in the corner of the jail and listened to her Ipod.

Katy wondered what she'd be like when she met Jack, and quite frankly, was terrified. She knew from Hazel's fangirlness that there would be a heck of a lot of screaming and crying and such. He'd be scared off….

So as both girls were worried about meeting Jack, and staying in this dingy cell for another day, they heard somebody coming down the stairs; a young lady in a stunning dress and shoes, hair perfected into a period bun, fanning herself. She was followed by two red coats. Katy and Hazel stared. What on earth was somebody like her doing here? Then they noticed… something about that fiery red hair that was familiar….


	4. Alex moves up a few social classes

Alex moves up a few social classes and Hazel has an epiphany 

"Get those two girls out of there at once," she commanded. The girl's painfully posh English accent... it sounded rather fake… wait a minute… was there a touch of Norn Iron in there?

_(Hi, dear (probably confused) readers. "Norn Iron" is "Northern Ireland" said with our accent. Yep, that's where we from. It's not an English accent, it's not an Irish accent. It's somewhere in between, with an American 'twang'. There now… you know our nationality!)Now keep reading!_

She came closer towards us, followed be her servants. It was Alex! The guards unlocked our jail cell. Katy recognized the one who she had kneed last night. He was limping and she grinned at him. He was not amused…

"Leave us!" Alex ordered to the guards, and they immediately went marching up the steps.

"Alex!!" yelled Katy, hungry for explanations.

"Care to explain a few things? Maybe the fact that you've turned into Elizabeth OVERNIGHT?"

"And what's with that ACCENT?" inquired Hazel.

"And why the heck do they OBAY you?"

"My dear friends," Alex began, returning to her ordinary Northern Irish 'farming community' accent.

"Putting on an upper class English accent has the most amazing effect when the governor of Port Royal finds you all alone and terrified in the middle of the night. I spun a little story about being kidnapped, and well, they took me in and treated me pretty well"

"Funny how when they found poor Will the Whelp years ago they just made him live as a simply blacksmith down the road." Hazel felt the need to state that fact…

"But he puts on a terrible English accent through all these movies. You notice where he goes all American if you listen closely…" says Katy.

"So Alex," said Hazel, changing the subject. "You've spent the night at the governor's mansion, had about a million servants to attend to your every need and you now have the right to release prisoners. Meanwhile, Katy and I have spent the night being harassed by those bloody guards and had to sleep HERE. On this hay like substance. On the ground! With disgusting old men a few cells down that way WATCHING US. And oh yes, and we're probably being hung soon. If not, left here to rot and die!" Hazel felt proud of her little monologue.

"Well you're NOT being hung because I just released you…" Alex said, feeling a little guilty.

"Since when could you RELEASE prisoners? And what other special powers do you now have? They'll make you queen next, just because of your accent and story telling skills…" Katy joined in.

Alex was sick of this. Here she was doing a truly generous thing! She would win back her friends… somehow…

"Well if it wasn't for me you would be getting hung tomorrow! Now I'm going to get you cleaned up, we're going to join in Norrington's little after party celebration, fall off a cliff and get recued by Jack. OK, Hazel? How does Johnny Depp's wet body pressed against…."

Hazel felt a sudden rush of forgiveness as certain images appeared in her head.

"SORRY ALEX I LOVE YOU!" She cried, hugging Alex.

Katy and Alex just looked at each other. Any mention of Johnny Depp cheers her up immediately…

"Urm Hazel…" asked a worried Alex.

"Yes?" Hazel beamed. She couldn't wait to be recued by JOHNNY DEPP.

Alex attempted to talk sense into her.

"Act calm when you see him, ok? Remember he's just another pirate, nobody knows him, and he's not a celebrity…"

Hazel eventually let out her excitement she'd been holding back all this time.

"I'M GOING TO SEE HIM!!! AHHHHHHH!!"

It was as if she was only working this out now. She ran all over the prison like a 2 year old, letting out her signature fangirl scream. Previously mentioned disgusting old men looked amused (if a little surprised) by this sudden outburst of joy.

"We seriously need to calm her down." Katy said, watching her.

Alex just looked at Katy. Hazel scared her when she went like this, and Katy understood Hazel's fangirlness better than she ever could…

"Well…Don't look at me!" Katy exclaimed.

"I feel like such a _parent_," complained a sighing Alex, grabbing Hazel as best she could in an attempt to keep her still. "We're going back the mansion to sort you two out."

"Why?" asked Katy. She just wanted this adventure to start now.

"You've just spent the night in a cell."

"So?"

Alex looked her friends up and down. "Just wait until you see yourselves in the mirror, darlings."

And with that the threesome went off, in search of the two things they needed most - hairbrushes and hygiene.


	5. Meeting Turnip! not that exciting

Meeting the Turnip (!!!)

Strolling into the mansion was no problem at all, Alex had her own key now. So, the beautifying process began, of course we would HAVE to look our best to meet a certain pirate…

So the three teenagers lived in luxury for a while, having a gorgeous breakfast buffet and bathing in water mixed with jasmine and mirror. Yes, really. There were now having their hair and make-up done.

"_tell me what you want,_" Katy cried out in an odd voice. "I want a brand new house on an episode of Cribs" she sang.

"Katy, I'm warning…"

"And a bathroom I can play baseball in, and a king sized tub big enough for ten plus me!"

"Katy shut up," Hazel demanded. "We've heard you sing your way through your whole music collection… twice!"

"Thanks to magic pirate land where iPods never seems to run out of battery" Alex said.

"I think it's rather appropriate… we could have fitted ten people in that tub!"

"Probably… now just stay quiet Katy"

"But I'm booooored!" Katy whined as Alex's newly acquired "Lady in waiting" (for want of a better word) did her hair (which is EXTREMELY curly) into a tight bun. "I hate people doing my hair and this dress is _itchy _

and my corset is too tight…"

"That, my mentally challenged friend is rather the point of a corset…" said Alex, having taken up her Ye Olde English accent again.

"It's only going to get wet…" said Katy "If you get my jist…Hazel."

Hazel started giggling uncontrollably as she had been doing for the past hour every time Katy mentioned something to do with Captain Jack Sparrow.

Alex said

"Katy stop making Hazel giggle, or I'm warning you I will dump you with Will and you will have a miserable time listening to him while he talks to his hammers and while the rest of us are off gallivanting with Jack. OK? "

This caused Hazel to giggle again causing the poor maid servant who was doing her hair to drop the pin she had been trying to put in for the MILLIONTH time.

Katy sat there and looked cross. When the maid had finally finished her hair she jumped up, free at last.

"Can we go now?" she begged, waiting (what she thought was) patiently while the maid finished Hazel's hair.

"No," Alex sighed "Hazel's not ready yet."

"But we might be missing stuff!" moaned Katy

"Well then Katy," said Hazel "why don't you go and look to see if you can find Turnip."

Katy seemed enthused by this idea and so set of down the stairs to see if she could spot any of the characters she knew and loved so well. On her way downstairs she heard a family voice.

"I shall," spoke the voice.

Katy thought that it was _surely _a young girl's voice.

"A craftsman is always pleased to hear his work is appreciated,"

Katy glanced down at the 'girl'.

"Oh my golly gosh it's MAAASTER BLOOOOOM!" Katy cried (in her head). She crept back up the stairs and hid under a table for some reason (probably the Orlando Bloom effect) and watched him.

_(If you wonder where we get the 'Maaaaster Bloooom' thing from, watch the film with commentary from Johnny Depp. In this scene Johnny randomly cries out "Maaaaaaaaaaster Bloooooooom" in Orlando's first shot. Hazel finds it rather amusing.)_

Anyway, Master Bloom looked about nine years old, his wild greasy hair tied into a dinky ponytail. Surely a girl, from his hair and voice at least. Well… maybe he just hasn't hit puberty yet…

Will suddenly looked up towards the stairs as if star struck, raising his eyebrows a little. No, he didn't spot and fall in love with Katy, he was watching Elizabeth, who had appeared out of nowhere, struggling to get down the stairs in her long dress.

"Will… it's so good to see you!" she cried.

Will looked shocked, bless him.

"I had a dream about you last night."

"About me?" Will looked even more shocked.

This was clearly far too awkward a conversation to be had in front of daddy.

"Elizabeth is that entirely proper…?" the Governor said, obviously feeling very uncomfortable.

"About the day we met. Do you remember?" Elizabeth asked.

"How could I forget, Miss Swann?" said Will, practically trembling.

"Bet he doesn't remember," said Katy to herself, watching from above.

"Will, how many times must I ask you to call me Elizabeth?"

"At least once more, Miss Swann. As always." Will clearly didn't want to get in trouble by not calling ladies by their proper names.

Daddy approved. "There see? At least the boy has a sense of propriety."

Oh. Now wasn't that cheeky. Nowadays you'd get a slap. It straightened out Elizabeth anyway. She put on her much more posh voice and said -with sass…

"Good day, Mr. Turner."

And with that she was off. Poor Will.

Meanwhile Hazel's hair was finally completed, and she began to head down the stairs, clinging to banister for dear life to avoid falling in her new dress, along with Alex. Katy watched her brave friends and decided that she ought to stop hiding from the likes of Orlando Bloom. Beside's he was just a lowly blacksmith here. So out she came from under the table, quite inconspicuously…

The threesome just looked at each other, then at Will, and then _strutted _down the stairs. (As best they could). Imagine Justin Timberlake singing "I'm bringing sexy back" in the background. Oh yeah. If he thinks Elizabeth's hot, he ain't seen nothing yet. o.0

_(I Just imagined Will in a nightclub with all the mini-skirts and low cut tops – HILARIOUS)_

And with that Will looked up at us, starstruck as before, only x3. The butler was trying to force Will out the door, but he was motionless, staring at us. Oh yeah. Go us.

Alex cleared her throat and prepared to use that lovely fake accent again.

"We'll see him out," she commanded, and with of wave of her hand the butler was gone.

"Remember your upper class English accent!" Hazel whispered to Katy.

"You must be Mister Will Turner," Alex said, elegantly walking down the stairs and towards him. Katy and Hazel followed.

"uh…ah… yes, I am, Miss...?" Will was rather tongue tied. It must be the Alex effect…

"I'm Miss…Miss Knightly… Miss Swann's cousin" she said. A rather good lie that was…

"Nice to meet you, Miss Knightly," Will said. Awww, he was so sweet.

Awkward silence.

"These are my sisters…"said Alex, nudging Hazel.

"I'm Miss… Depp… pleased to meet you, Mister Turner." Hazel managed. "And this is Miss Bloom…" she said, looking at Katy.

Katy didn't say anything but gave him her _best _flirty look.

_(You probably haven't seen Katy's flirty look. It's so flirty it makes Hazel and Alex feel very uncomfortable when she does it too them, yet it never fails to make them burst into laughter. It's HIALRIOUS. One day Katy did it to random boys on the street for fun. It's not a real flirting technique really, it's more of a joke, making fun of people who use said flirty looks seriously. It was bad enough when Katy did this to boys on the street, but now she was doing this to Orlando Bloom.)_

Alex and Hazel were struggling to keep straight faces. Will looked extremely scared, but said "Very nice to meet you all. Good day." And so he left.

Alex, Hazel and Katy BURST out laughing. They didn't stop for about five minutes, and when they were finally able to speak again, Hazel just HAD to say

"I can't believe you just gave ORLANDO BLOOM your flirty look!"

And so the laughter continued…


	6. Meeting Jack! WOW!

Meeting Captain Jack Sparrow (yes you can see what's coming)

Hazel suddenly remembered that Jack's entrance came directly after the soppy scene with Will and Elizabeth. Her mind suddenly switched to more important matters than laughing at Turnip.

"Oh my golly gosh, WE'RE MISSING JACK'S ENTRANCE" she yelled and ran down the dirt track/drive of the mansion.

Katy and Alex stopped laughing and just stared at her struggling down the rather dusty drive and out of the mansion. One determined girl, they thought. That's true desperation.

"Shall we follow her?"

"Actually, I was just going to get a carriage so our dresses don't get dirty…" said Alex clicking her fingers, and alas, a carriage appeared, two beautiful horses pulling it.

"That's handy," remarked Katy, and jumped in with Alex. They picked Hazel on the way, who was running along, not really sure where she was going, just heading in the general direction of the sea.

Once in the carriage, Hazel was preparing to meet Jack and so wanted to look her best. After staring into a pocket mirror for a while and perfecting her make-up, Hazel, in a desperate attempt to get the muck of her dress, wildly attacked it and started beating it with her fists, and suddenly the not-very-well-ventilated carriage was rather cloudy indeed. They reached their destination just in time.

"Hazel if I'd been in there for one more second I might have SUFFICATED!" Katy yelled.

Alex just was coughing a lot.

Hazel, feeling at little guilty about her friends near death experience decided to change the subject. "Alex where did that carriage dude bring us?"

"Ummmm.." Alex seemed unsure.

"Oh wait! This is familiar to me! I know where we are!" and with that Hazel set off, and her friends followed. In two minutes they arrived at the docks. She knew this movie too well…

Katy was still uneasy. "Hazel are you sure this is it?"

"Yes! Hanging skeletons, look!" Hazel was so proud.

"Ah yes." Katy felt better now. "And what's that in the distance?" she said, pointing to a minute dot on the horizon. "A dingy of some sort?"

Alex grinned. "And commanding it… a pirate of some sort?"

Katy and Alex were going to torture Hazel and get her giggly again.

"Hazel? Where are you?" Katy looked round herself.

They thought she'd go too excited and ending up _swimming_towards the speck in the distance.

Hazel was in fact lying on the ground, unconscious.

"Oh bugger," said Katy trying to revive her with her fan. "What on earth is she going to be like when he gets closer? Seriously, that dot in the distance could be ANYTHING. It's like, a mile away."

Hazel suddenly sprang up.

"OH MY GOLLY GOSH HE'S A MILE AWAY!" she screamed.

Alex rolled her eyes at her friend.

Only Katy knew how to calm her, being a fellow fangirl and everything. She grabbed Hazel's ipod, plugged it into her, and put on some Sigur Rós.

_(Sigur Rós. AMAZING band. Don't understand what the heck they're singing about in their songs, but just AMAZING MUSIC. Very mind calming)_

So while Hazel was _sitting _(to avoid injury from further fainting that may occur) on the dock, swinging her legs over the water and staring at this slowly growing dot in the distance as if her life depended on it, she at least had some relaxing music on to keep her from doing something completly crazy.

Katy wondered what she'd do if it was just a random boat, not Jack at all.

While we were waiting for this slowly growing dot to become recognizable, Alex got rather bored and nibble-ish, and went in search of 17th century fast food. (She later discovered it was non-existent)

Katy went in search of somebody to annoy, (she couldn't go too far though, as she was on Hazel-guarding duty).

Soon the dot had an outline, and Jack was seen, his red sash blowing about wildly. He took off his hat and paid respect to the pirate skeletons. Cool.

"PIRATES YE BE WARNED" the sign read, beside the rotting corpses.

And warned Jack was…

Hazel had that eternal look of delight on her face again, only somehow this look was even happier than before, if possible. She squealed as silently as she could then fainted. Again.

Jack was getting very close indeed now. His dingy was sinking and he was just standing on the mast looking SO COOL as it came closer to the dock.

Alex and Katy again revived Hazel by splashing water in her face. She gasped, sat up and just gaped at Jack. This was not unusual however, because _everyone_was staring at him. Acting like he was on a catwalk, he stepped off his boat onto the dock. Mr. Cool…

Hazel was really freaking out but tried to regain herself as Jack was a few metres away. He'd seen her, and she started hyperventilating. He started walking towards the girls...

"Hold up there you!" said the dude with a clipboard and funny glasses.

Jack suddenly stopped staring at Hazel and pivoted round like a netball player.

"Darn that STUPID GUY! JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Hazel hissed under her breath.

Surprising Jack didn't lose his balance all together after this skilful pivoting. It was rather graceful really… this scene had obviously been choreographed very well.

_(Just imagined Jack teaching my class how to pivot properly in netball… xD)_

"It's a shilling to tie up your boat to the dock," said the guy.

They both looked at Jack's half sunken 'boat'.

The guy continued, "And I shall need to know your name."

"AHHHH IT'S HIS FIRST LINE!" Hazel half shouted, half whispered.

Alex kept a hand on Hazel's shoulder and Katy put hand on her other shoulder, to prevent her from running up and hugging him like she so desperately wanted to. Katy wanted to cover her mouth as well…

Jack fumbled about in his pocket.

"What do you say to three shillings, and we forget the name?" Jack said placing three coins on the guy's clipboard thingy. Ah, the art of persuasion. He was a master.

Hazel practically exploded inside hearing him speak. She was on the brink of fainting…

The dude and the cute wee boy raised their eyebrows.

_(I want to take that boy home…. HE'S SO CUTE)_

"Welcome to Port Royal, Mister Smith," said the dude. Jack did the cute hand praying gesture thing. That was ALL Johnny, right there. He then continued walking the catwalk and yoinked a bag of coins to make up for lost cash. Nice…

He winked at Hazel, Alex and Katy and then swaggered off. Katy and Alex were going to follow him around, but that was just too much for Hazel who fainted yet again…


	7. Sea Shanties, Partys and Fainting

**Sea shanties, parties and 'too much' fainting… 17th ****century FUN :D**

"I fulfilled my life-long dream! I'm eternally HAPPY!" cried Hazel, skipping along. "HE WINKED AT ME!"

Hazel had been repeating pretty much the same thing over and over and over again while Katy and Alex struggled to get her to the fort.

"Hazel darling, your life-long dream hasn't even BEGUN yet," Katy said.

"I KNOW!" squealed Hazel.

"Hazel CALM DOWN, they'll think I've adopted a mental person, it will ruin my upper class reputation!" Alex told her.

"Maybe some rum will relax her a bit" Katy spotted a pub.

"I suppose the ceremony won't be over for a while yet," Alex remarked. "And there's no underage drinking laws here. Katy, just check you-know-who's not in there…"

Katy walked into the pub quite casually and within two minutes poked her head out, with a drink in her hand and yelled "Jack's not in here, it's safe!"

Alex went and got Hazel who was skipping around listening to happy music on her ipod, and dragged her into the pub.

A few drinks later Hazel _seemed_ to have calmed down. Alex couldn't believe how easy it was to get alcohol, even in a posh place like this, Katy was chatting up the locals with her extremely effective flirty look.

Eventually they decided that they'd drunk too much and swaggered out of the pub, singing sea shanties as they went.

As they staggered around, they started to threaten each other to smash shop windows with their 'cutlasses' (bits of wood they found on the ground) and such.

Miraculously, the three girls sobered up by the time they go to the fort. (this was partly caused by being chased by a butcher whose shop front had just been smashed by a keg of ale. Alex, being a vegetarian shouted insults like how he was the scum of the earth as she ran).

Miraculously, the three girls sobered up by the time they go to the fort. They put on their accents again and mingled at this little partay, attempting to fit in. Katy was immediately annoyed by the man playing the violin because she thought she was a much better than him (She plays the violin you see…)

While Katy glared at him to try and put him off his playing, Hazel spotted Norrington with Elizabeth, who was standing on the cliff edge looking rather faint. Yep, it's smart to stand in places like that when you're slowly suffocating in a corset. However, she was probably uncomfortable for another reason…

"There's something so… unwholesome about that" said Hazel, watching.

"About what?" asked Alex

"You know in the beginning of the movie…when Elizabeth was about ten,_he_ looked at least thirty... and now… like eight years later he wants to marry her!"

Alex looked grossed out but tried to hide it "Not such a problem in these days, I suppose…" she said. She secretly wanted to stay here, (she loved the dresses too much) and she didn't want the possibility that she might be forced into marrying somebody 3 times her age ruin her dream.

Katy came over. She'd finished being annoyed at the musicians, and she'd also been AGAIN using her flirty look to attract young men. It was proving to be very effective in this place…

"So Hazel, are you ready to faint?" she asked.

"I think so…" she said, adjusting her corset into an even more lung crushing way.

"Just think that when you wake up the first thing you'll see is Jack's face…."

Hazel looked faint already.

"Oh, I have an idea to make it less scary for her!" Alex said. "Because if she ACTUALLY faints it will be easier than her just hurling herself into some rocks."

"…true" Hazel said. "Wait… rocks? What rocks...?"

"All we have to do to get you to faint is talk about Jack!" said Alex shooing her over to the edge of the fort.

Hazel looked down… and there were rocks indeed. They looked rather sharp. She saw Jack on a ship talking to a couple of guards down there.

Hazel started breathing heavily already; feeling very light headed and actually so was Alex. It was midday and VERY hot.

Elizabeth had fallen just off. Katy looked down and saw a splash. She then looked at Norrington who was just standing there with a confused look on his face. She couldn't believe he was so pathetic he didn't even realise where Elizabeth had gone. I wouldn't blame Elizabeth if she'd ran off when he started talking about marrying her…. Anyway Norrington started looking round himself to see where she was. He even looked up towards the sky. Yeah… Elizabeth had _flown_away, Norrie… o.0

"Oh hi!" she said "You must be Norrington! Wait… can I call you James?"

Still he said nothing, but then he whirled round and saw the foam from Elizabeth's big slash, _angrily_yelled "ELIZABETH", and prepared to jump in after her. He was then advised not to by his friend. Katy, getting bored of him looked out at the ship in the distance and saw another splash.

"Oh look," she said "Jack."

Katy thought she'd have to do a lot of work talking about Jack to get Hazel to faint, but this one mention of Jack was enough. Hazel made an odd groaning sound and fell.

Jack meanwhile had just gotten Elizabeth back onto dry land and had got the corset off her. He glanced back at the place where she'd fallen… and saw another splash, made by another fainting girl. He thought there was something odd about this … yet in he plunged again

Meanwhile, Norrie was still staring suspiciously at Katy and Alex, probably wondering why we weren't screaming about how our friend had just fallen, unconscious into the sea. Alex feeling uncomfortable under his stare said

"Oh…. The heat…." and with that she 'fainted' into the sea.

Katy realised how miraculous it was three friends hadn't hit the rocks yet. Handy… maybe we couldn't die in piraty land???

Anyway, Jack had just got back with Hazel and was examining her trying to work out how she had fainted. Her arm looked rather red… she had possibly hit it off those darn annoying rocks… Just about to rip her corset off, he suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder. It was the clueless guard, who pointed to the same place that the two girls had just fallen from. Jack looked and saw ANOTHER splash made by ANOTHER fainting girl. Jack sighed and plunged in yet again.

Katy was left standing alone with Norrington who STILL had done nothing but give her odd looks. She looked down. Jack was already more then ¾ of the way towards the dock with Alex. Katy wondered whether she should fake faint or not when suddenly, she knew what she what she had to do. She turned to Norrington gave him her flirty look (Which made him look very alarmed). Feeling uncomfortable because of the odd look he had returned to her and shouted at the top of her lungs

"CANNON BALL!!!!"

And in she jumped.

A very exhausted Jack, now under the impression that someone was standing up there pushing young girls off cliffs for fun, had reached the dock with Alex (who had actually fainted on her way down thinking of how she could get impaled on the rocks). He plonked her down on the ground thinking Elizabeth (who had woken up) would sort both her and Hazel out, as the two guards weren't doing very much except holding Elizabeth's corset. Jack watched the spot were things kept falling. Sure enough there came another splash which strangely seemed exceedingly bigger and splashier then the others. In Jack went… again... to collect the _forth_girl, and HOPEFULLY the last.

Katy was busy treading water and admiring how far up the water had splashed from her cannon ball. She suddenly saw Jack coming closer… was he slowing down? Katy couldn't tell… but it looked like he was. Gradually he got closer. Katy was ready to play the damsel in distress. But poor Jack was definitely running out of breath. He obviously hadn't anticipated rescuing drowning girls all day. Soon _Jack_fainted and was sinking. Katy sighed, and with strength that she certainly didn't have 24 hours ago, dived, grabbed Jack, and somehow dragged him to the dock.

Both the guards and Elizabeth looked extremely confused. Nobody seemed to know of the situation. No form of the British Navy or otherwise had arrived to see if the Governor's daughter was alright. And Alex and Hazel were still lying unconscious. Had Jack taught them NOTHING? Katy arrived with Jack, half plonked and half threw him on the ground.

She noticed her two friends were still unconscious. She grabbed a knife that was rather handily lying between Hazel and Alex and cut their corset open and revived them.

The guards now had an impressive collection of corsets which they proceeded to hold and poor Elizabeth was wondering where on earth her darling Norrie was to rescue her.

Upon awakening, Hazel and Alex were rather startled.

"I didn't get impaled on the rocks!!! I'M ALIVE" cried Alex.

"Why the heck is Jack lying on the ground instead of SAVING MY LIFE!?!?" yelled Hazel, and she started freaking out with Alex. It was a combination of having a near death experience and being so close to Jack.

In this complete and utter chaos, Katy went over to the unconscious Jack and was wondering what to do with him. What on earth do you do with a sleeping pirate? Kiss of life? No. Not with Hazel around…

Then Katy got an incredibly logical idea and decided to _**take off his shirt.**_ Honestly… tuts

_(Remember the future film critic Alex? Well, after I wrote this, she said I have to stop making people faint, and this scene has too much fainting, blah blah blah. Yes, Alex, if it was a film, it would be terrible, I know. Sorry._


	8. Lets Undress Jack!

Lets undress Jack! o.O

_Note: Due to Alex's demand, all mention of fainting is banned for the rest of the movie. Or this chapter at least…_

Taking off Jack's shirt made perfect sense in Katy's eyes, as taking off corsets on women seems to revive them, then why wouldn't taking off Jack's shirt save his life? It also just seemed natural, and she doubted he'd let her do this if he was awake.

Just as Katy was doing what Hazel's always dreamed of, FINALLY Elizabeth's entourage arrived, with their pointed guns.

Now picture it. Two confused guards holding _many _corsets. Elizabeth walking around in a circle, terrified and shivering. Alex yelling stuff like "I'm ALIVE!" and Hazel squealing and crying at the same time because she was watching Katy unbutton the shirt of Captain Jack Sparrow, who was lying unconscious on the ground.

Yeah. Sounds just like a drunken Saturday night out in town, and 17th century navy men with pointy guns just don't dig that.

The distressed Elizabeth, Alex and Hazel ran into the Governors arms. They had remembered to act like they were posh upper class girls and situations like this terrified them. Well… both of them were genuinely terrified, Alex in a literal way, Hazel in a fangirl way.

Katy however, was still bending over Jack, staring at his chest. Oh, the fun she was having…

"On your feet" Norrington commanded, pointing his new sword at her.

Katy stood up slowly and raised her arms, ever so reluctantly separating from Jack, who was slowly regaining consciousness.

"What on earth is going on?" asked the Governor. Realising how terribly _wrong_ the situation must look to them, Katy decided to explain everything.

"Allow me," she began, remembering that absolutely key accent.

"Your daughter, Elizabeth, fainted from the heat and fell into the sea. This good man here" she said pointing to a confused and grumbling Jack, "this man saved her life. My friend… Miss Depp also fainted. He rescued her as well. My other friend Miss… Miss Knightly also …'fainted', and he rescued her as well. I however, in my carelessness, I div… I tripped off the cliff into the sea. This man attempted to rescue me but fell unconscious on his way swimming over, due to his obvious exhaustion. So I just rescued him. Yes, really! I then proceeded to rip off my friend's corsets in order to revive them."

Norrie nodded. "Good of you, Miss Bloom."

Katy looked relieved, but couldn't help but wonder why the guns were still on her.

"However, I couldn't help but notice you SEXUALLY HARRASSING this man who obviously went to so much trouble to rescue you and your friends. Clap her in irons."

"WHAT???"

The guard who Katy had previously kicked came forward with some irons (handcuffs) and grabbed Katy's wrists. This time he was the one with a grin on his face. Katy gave him the most evil eye ever.

Jack, now fully conscious, was incredibly confused. He sort of bobbed up beside Norrington, and tried to act as though he knew what was going on.

"On behalf of Port Royal I apologise for any distress caused by _this_ woman" Norrington said, poking Katy.

"Come again?" Jack was truly bemused.

"While you were unconscious we found her engaging in sexual harassment."

"…Really" said Jack, and he raised an eyebrow suspiciously at Katy which made Hazel and Alex burst out laughing. Then he looked down to his now rather open shirt.

"Ah"

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, JACK, I SWEAR!!!" yelled Katy who was being dragged off to the prison wagon.

"And for rescuing these women, I also believe thanks are in order?" Norrie said to him, said to him holding out a hand.

Jack ever so reluctantly gave him his right hand. Maybe handshakes weren't his thing?

Ugh, darn that James Norrington, always scheming! He didn't give Jack a handshake; instead he grabbed Jack's hand and shoved up the sleeve. Alas, the dreaded pirate brand.

"Alas, the dreaded pirate brand!" cried Norrington, reading the narrator's thoughts. Jack looked sheepishly shifty.

"HANG HIM!" said the governor in a girly sing-song voice. Alex and Hazel exchanged glances.

"Keep the guns on him, men."

Alex turned to Hazel. "That line was not enunciated properly!" She hissed.

"Gillette, fetch some irons!"

"Was Gillette invented then???" pondered Hazel, thinking of the well-known shaving cream. "Good grief, it's a man!" she cried as Gillette pushed past to fetch said irons.

"Well, well, Jack Sparrow, isn't it?" questioned the Norrie.

"Captain!" hissed Hazel.

"Captain Jack Sparrow, if you please, sir."

Hazel nodded.

"I don't see your ship… _'Captain'" _said Norrington sarcastically.

"I'm in the market….as it were." answered Jack.

"He said he'd come to commandeer one," interrupted the unknown red-coated fool.

"I told you he was telling the truth" remarked the other slightly plumper unknown red-coated fool, bending down. "These are his." He presented forth Jack's bundle.

Norrie examined the goods and dissed every single one of them. Jack looked hurt. As did Hazel. "Poorly made props" thought Alex.

"You are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I have ever heard of." Finished Norrington.

Jack stopped him and with a lovely finger pointing gesture he said "But you have heard of me."

Hazel and Alex smiled. That was such a good line.

Suddenly Norrie grabbed Jack and pulled him towards Gillette, Elizabeth protesting as they went. "Be gentle, please!" cried Hazel, tagging along with Alex.

Gillette said "They're the best I could get" clapping Jack in irons.

Hazel and Alex had a long and uncalled for laughing fit. (Read to see if you can find out why).

Jack suddenly grabbed the two hysterical girls hooking the chains around their necks. Alex screamed whilst Hazel grinned like a Cheshire Cat. She hoped he'd do this to her instead of Elizabeth…

"That was to shut you up." He whispered in their ears. Alex looked petrified. Hazel giggled.

"No! Don't shoot!" cried the Governor. He seemed so worried…well he was their uncle after all…

"Commodore Norrington, my effects please! And my hat." The guards stood around, not knowing whether to shoot or not.

The commodore looked reluctant.

"COMMODORE" Jack prompted.

"Save me!" croaked Alex.

"I am in _heaven_," half croaked half whispered Hazel to Alex. Jack, being extremly clsoe to them, heard.

"So am I, love…" he whispered back.

CRINGE

"…Miss Bloom… and Miss… Knightley is it? If you'd be so kind dearies…" he said to them is a low voice.

Norrie _slowly_ handed Jack's what-not to Alex and Hazel.

"Come, come _dear_, we don't have all day" Jack said… to Norrie?

Jack grabbed his gun, pointed it at the two girls and spun round Hazel and Alex. Now he literally had his arms around them. Hazel's heart was pounding as she gazed up to him. Alex gave him an evil look…

"Now if you'll be very kind" Jack smirked

Alex put his hat on. Hazel operated the belts, having lots of fun, struggling not to have a laughing fit.

"Easy on the goods, darling," he told her, grinning.

Hazel nearly died, but she grinned back at Jack and did as she was told, whilst hyperventilating.

Alex wouldn't have this suggestive talk go on in her presence. Taking on Elizabeth's lines, she began insulting him.

"You're despicable!"

"Sticks and stones, love. You saved my life, I saved yours. We're square."

Hazel couldn't help but mouth Jack's lines with him. He glanced at her and found this rather odd and a bit intriguing. He gazed at her for a while, but Norrie cleared his throat in a rather obvious way as if to say "we're still here!"

So Jack rather reluctantly spun the two girls round and stepped back with them. He secretly wanted to take them with him… wherever he was going. But, being the good man he was, he wouldn't, much to Hazel's dismay. And Alex's thankfulness.

"Gentlemen…" he said to Norrie and the entourage.

"…my ladies…" he said leaning into Alex and Hazel.

"This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost caught… _Captain _Jack Sparrow!" and with a pained look on his face he shoved Alex and Hazel back to the Governor and ran off.

The red-coated fools ran after him. Hazel started letting out her fangirlness to Alex.

"He… he…had HIS ARMS AROUND ME!" she squealed.

"I know, dearie, I know," Alex said, patting Hazel's back.

Meanwhile Jack was up a big wooden thing, swinging round it on some rope. That sure looked fun, however it didn't really sound like he was enjoying it, judging from his manly shrieks of terror.

"Wooooah!" he yelled.

"Now will you shoot him?" the Governor cried out. He _really _wanted Jack shot…

"Open fire!" screamed Norrie going rather red in the face.

"Ahhhhh!" cried Jack as the guards shoot at him. And missed.

"The machine gun really needs to be invented soon…" remarked Alex knowledgably. "These big pointy things are just no good…"

"Do you _want _him to be killed?" yelled a worried looking Hazel.

"Hazel, you know he doesn't die."

"But…"

"He won't die!"

"On his heels!" yelled Norrie as Jack jumped into another wooden thing.

Alex and Hazel looked rather confused. What exactly did that mean?

The Jack did something _very _clever. (I still don't get how he did this at all). He somehow swung round the chains from irons onto some rope and swung on it like a zip line, down to ground level. That looked so fun!!!

"Wow. I want a go!" said Alex.

He then did a completely _crazy _run across a bridge.

Alex and Hazel ran over to watch. They heard Norrie talk to Gillette.

"Gillette," began Norrington.

Cue Alex and Hazel laughing uncontrollably for a long time. They didn't even hear what else Norrie said. Gillette! Oh, how they loved him, with his cute little face!

* * *

_Things we wrote during writers block: _

_- "BONJOUR," said the field mouse. _

_- Hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum h-hum. Guess the tune! _

_- "Alright, Mista LindSAAAY!!!!" said Hazel to her guitar teacher_

"_Yes, Hazel. Please sit. We must learn our C sharp minor scale…"_

"_But MISTA LINDSAAAY! You are a ROCK GOD!!"_

"_Yes, I know. Now please sit…"_

"_BUT I GOT A NEW GUITAR!! IT HAS LASERS!!" yelled Hazel, turning on the lasers and running along the school corridor, blinding students as she went. _


	9. Turnip V Jack Swordfight! WoOoOoo!

Turnip V Jack Swordfight! Woooo! 

After much laughing Alex asked Hazel "What now?"

"Let's find Jack!"

"Do you not think we should go get Katy out of jail…?"

But Hazel was already running into town. Alex shrugged her shoulders and went after her.

On their way, Alex and Hazel starting imitating the Governor.

"Hang him!" Hazel sang, skipping along.

"Hang him!" Alex sang in harmony.

This went on for several minutes. There were guards _everywhere, _and due to the odd looks they were getting, Alex and Hazel stopped their sing-song.Hazel soon spotted Jack hiding behind a statue. He went and hid in Turnip's blacksmith place. Alex and Hazel followed him… quietly.

Their presence remained unknown and they watched him attempt to wake up the drunken Mr. Brown.

"WAAYOOOH!" Jack yelled after poking him. He remained asleep.

Alex and Hazel couldn't help but laugh at him. "That's a bit cruel," Hazel said, appearing out of nowhere.

Jack pivoted round. "Bugger…" he said, grabbed his hat and made for the door.

"They don't know you're here, its OK!" reassured Alex.

Jack relaxed, and then narrowed his brow as he looked properly at the two hooligans. Alas, the two girls he had previously threatened! He thought he'd never see them again! Were they stalking him?

"Well if 'they' don't know I'm here… then why would you two be here?" Jack replied.

Alex and Hazel looked shify.

"Set you to spy on me, have they…" Jack said, walking towards them. "Because I'd really appreciate you _never _seeing me. I'm sure with some persuasion that you'll agree, savvy?"

They both laughed nervously.

"Sure," Alex said.

"But we're not spying on you," grinned Hazel.

Jack felt uncomfortable. He had to outsmart them… "Well I'm sure you don't live here… why aren't you back to your prissy life with mansions and servants and such? A very trying day for you both, being threatened by the likes of me…" he looked sad.

"Awww Jack!" Hazel was shocked by his little sad face!

"Trust me, we're not prissy. We don't even belong at the governor's mansion," Alex said.

"True. But to be explained… later…" said Hazel.

Jack suspected something. He was sure they just had a crush on him. Oh he would enjoy this…

"I'm not stupid, love," he said, swaggered over closer towards Hazel. In a cocky voice he said "Go on…tell me. Why are you… '_really'… _here?" He said the word 'really' in a loud whisper, teasing Hazel.

Alex was just laughing.

Hazel smirked at Jack. Previously she would have fainted. _(A/N: but Alex has banned fainting from this story from now on! What to do…)_

_So _she decided to tease him back.

"Oooh… you want to know why I'm…_really…_here, well I'll tell you. I'm …_'really'_… here because I want to see the young blacksmith who works here about an order… _SAVVY?" _Hazel grinned.

Alex clapped. "Touché Hazel!"

Jack looked defeated. Since when could somebody get the better of him? "All right, you win" and he went off and attempt to get his irons off. While he was battling with a hammer he told her

"Love, you don't want to be hanging about here. I'm being hounded outside… s'best if you go home."

They ignored that remark.

"That won't work." Hazel told him as he struggled to hammer away the chains. "Try the machine the donkey is attached to."

Jack looked startled – he was just thinking that. Hazel knew that would freak him out.

Jack picked a red hot metal thing out of the fire and looked devilish.

Alex suddenly remembered what happens next in the movie.

"DON'T HURT THE DONKEY!" she screamed and ran over to it, throwing her arms around the animal very protectively.

"NOOOOO!"

"Jack seriously, don't touch the poor donkey with that!" Hazel cried.

Jack ignored her.

Hazel knew what to do. She walked towards the door. "Right, I'm telling Norrington where you're hiding!"

Jack looked extremely annoyed.

"…Ugh…fine!" Jack said to her, throwing the metal pole back into the fire. "You are the most irritating woman I've ever met," he said quietly to himself.

"I wonder what else you can blackmail him into doing?" Alex asked HAzel quietly.

"Hmmm… good idea." Hazel started scheming.

Meanwhile Jack was trying other methods of getting the donkey to start moving.

"PLEASE, PLEASE MOVE, DONKEY!!!" Jack was yelling at the donkey, flailing his hands wildly at it. Said donkey just looked at him. "You big ass…"Jack said to it and went back to the hammer.

Much to Jack's annoyment, (is that a word? It is now…) Hazel roped an apple she found and dangled it in front of the donkey, and alas, the donkey happily tottered along.

"There! A pain free way of getting a little donkey to walk," Alex was overcome with joy and starting walking around in a circle with the donkey. She named it 'Mista Lindsay'.

Jack finally broke the rather restricting chain on his irons. Just then the door opened. Jack grabbed Hazel and Alex and hid, encase it was the dreaded red-coats.

"_Wait… since when does he care for us?" _thought Hazel.

But no, it was Turnip! Yay Turnip! Nearly hitting his head on some swords hanging from some contraption, he ran over to Mista Lindsay (the donkey) and gave it a hug. Yep, he HUGGED it. There was something so sweet and feminine about everything Turnip did…

"Right where I left you" he said to the sleeping Mr. Brown. Talking to sleeping men now are we, Will?

He then threw his coat off. It landed on Jack's head.

"Not were I left you" Turnip said to his hammer.

"He talks to hammers as well? He doesn't get out much," murmered Hazel, who was practically being crushed under Jack, and Will's coat. A pleasant experience for her… not for Alex however.

"Jack, I appreciate you… hiding us… but please GET OFF" Alex hissed to Jack. He didn't move. Typical man!!!

Will then noticed Jack's hat. "And who are you?" Turnip asked it.

"Oh deary me, Turnip, you must see a doctor immediately!" Hazel whispered.

Jack silently laughed at that.

Will went to pick the hat up. Big mistake. Jack _finally _got off Hazel and Alex, magically appeared beside Turnip and slapped his hand with his sword.

Will looked at Jack "You're the one they're hunting…" he said. Hunting?

"The pirate!" He then saw Alex and Hazel. "And Miss Depp… Miss Knightley… they're looking for you at the governor's mansion…"

Will looked back at Jack, then at Alex and Hazel, then at Jack again. Poor Turnip was a little slow… after about 5 minutes of looking his little brain registered the information.

"You KIDNAPPED them!" he cried out. Turnip seemed so proud that he'd worked this out! But unfortunately - he was wrong.

Jack looked like he was having a déjà vu. "You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?"

"I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates" said Will.

"_PIRATE HATER!!!" _thought Hazel.

"Ah!" Jack exclaimed. "Well it would be a shame to put a black mark on your record so if you'll excuse me…" he said on his way out.

Will grabbed a sword and pointed it at Jack. Biiiiig mistake, Turnip…

Jack nearly laughed and his amateur sword pointing skills, but managed to say "Do you think that's wise boy? Crossing blades with a pirate?"

"You threatened these girls!" said Will. Aw, bless him…

"He's doing something heroic for us!" cried Alex.

Jack grinned at the memory and replied "Only a little."

Cue parrying!! Now, this time imagine Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song" playing! http://uk. And just for effect, Hazel and Alex listened to it on their ipods while they sat and watched the swordfight. Jack was pretty light on his feet. Once again Hazel thought about how good a netball player he'd be…

Jack obviously expected to break poor Turnip rather quickly. Unfortunately for him, Will knew what he was doing.

"You know what you're doing, I'll give you that. Excellent form. But how's your footwork?" Jack struggled to find a weak spot in the Whelp, and did a little dance. It sure looked fun.

Turnips footwork actually turned out to be pretty damn good. When it seemed like they'd finished and said "Ta," Jack once again ran for the door.

The Whelp obviously hadn't had his fill yet, and Hazel muffled a scream as he threw his sword at Jack, missing him by inches, and the door therefore became permanently shut.

Alex and Hazel burst out laughing watching Jack attempt to remove the sword. He glared at them before looking back at Will.

"That is a wonderful trick. Except once again, you are between me and my way out. And now…" Jack told him, getting out his sword, "…you have no weapon."

At this Will grabbed a red hot poker from the fire. Oh, he has a weapon all right Jack…

Meanwhile Mista Lindsay was terrified and started trotting round the fantabulous contraption thingy he was attached to and Alex was judging every tiny detail of this fight.

"This fight scene is not impressive enough to be Oscar Award winning!!!" she hollered.

"Who makes all these?" Jack yelled at Will

"I do!" Turnip seemed so proud. He lurched to the other side of the wooden beam. "And I practise with them…" he swung himself to the other side yet again. "…three hours a day!"

Oh what a fool The Whelp both looked and sounded like.

_And with that we'll take a break because this chapter is rather long and I'm tired…_


	10. Not really much ‘package’, eh Will?

Not really much 'package', eh Turnip? 

_Just to remind you what was going on…_

"Who makes all these?" Jack yelled at Will

"I do!" Turnip seemed so proud. He lurched to the other side of the wooden beam. "And I practise with them…" he dodged to the other side yet again. "…three hours a day!"

Oh what a fool The Whelp both looked and sounded like.

Jack obviously thought this too.

"You need to find yourself a girl, mate!" Jack spoke his words of wisdom. "Or… perhaps the reason you practise three hours a day is that you have already found one, and are otherwise incapably of _woooooing _said strumpet."

Hazel laughed her head off at Will. He was such a dork compared to Jack. He so looked hurt.

Jack still hadn't found Turnip's one true weakness… Then all of a sudden a little light bulb had turned on above his head.

"You're not a eunuch, are you?" Jack was intrigued and even ventured a glance.

Alex and Hazel burst into a fit of giggles.

"Hmmm… don't really think there's much package there, William!" cried Hazel which sent the two girls even deeper into insanity.

Will was stripped of his dignity but did not go off crying in a corner like Jack expected him to. A tough Turnip…

"I practise three hours a day so that when I met a pirate, I can kill it!" Will yelled and charged at Jack.

They were now balancing on a …wagon…thing… and sporting some impressive swash buckling skills.

"I think it _is_ an Oscar Award Winning performance…" Hazel said as she watched.

"I beg to differ. They're a little slow…" Alex _always _begged to differ.

Turnip got hit in the face with a plank of wood and Jack was upside down. In a comical fashion Jack fell and sent Will flying into the air. It's ok when you're watching the movie, but in real life, where there's no stunt doubles, it's really quite impressive. For all except Alex.

"Now, see that's just not realistic at all" she moaned as Jack went flying into the air.

Hazel looked at her sceptically. "Yes, not realistic at all, apart from the fact it's happening in front of you! This isn't a movie!"

They argued about this for some time until Jack sprayed Will with some sawdust (…or dirt… or something… ) which made them laugh so hard at Turnip. Jack then pointed his gun at him. Aww poor Will!

"You cheated!" Turnip cried

"Pirate," Jack explained.

Somehow the red-coated fools and co and worked out where Jack was and were ramming their way in. Jack looked worried.

"Move away!"

"No!"

Will – you don't say 'no' when you're looking down the barrel of somebody's gun… And Jack was desperate.

"Please move?"

"NO!" Will yelled. "I cannot just step aside and let you escape!" One determined Turnip he was.

Jack was ready to shoot him. He looked like he would regret it…

"This shot was not meant for you…"

Instead of saying his prayers Will just stood there and looked confused.

Meanwhile Mr Brown had woken up and was brandishing a glass bottle behind Jack's head.

"JACK!" Hazel screamed.

But it was too later, Mr Brown swung, glass broke, and Jack fell unconscious on the ground.

Norrington and co. kicked their way in and they surrounded Jack.

"Excellent work, Mr Brown." Norrie said. "You've assisted in the capture of a dangerous fugitive."

"Just doing my civic duty, sir" slurred Mr Brown.

Will looked pissed off… he was so underappreciated!

"Well I trust you will always remember this as the day Captain Jack Sparrow _almost _escaped. Take him away."

Some red-coats were examining Alex and Hazel and asking many questions. It was like CSI…

"No! He did not kidnap us!" Alex was insisting in her accent.

"No, no… NO, he did not hurt us in _any _way…. YES I'M SURE!!!" Hazel yelled at them. The idiots couldn't seem to accept the fact that he hadn't touched them.

Finally the interview finished and they were lead back to the Governor's mansion where toasty warm beds awaited them. Katy, on the other hand, would be sleeping somewhere _very_ different…


	11. Holy Jemima Puddleduck! Katy and Jack!

**Everybody remember Katy? Yeah, she's still a character**

Katy had been watching some prisoners holler to that bloody dog for hours. The fact that she had a special way with canines and had previously got the mutt to come over to her made her laugh.

However, she was rather bothered. She had been arrested for sexual harassment, which in this sick twisted century means unbuttoning a guy's shirt! These people wouldn't survive in the twenty first century. And her friends hadn't come to save her! The only thing keeping her sane was the fact that Jack was coming soon. Maybe then she'd have someone to talk to other than those sick guys in that other cell who had been calling to her for the past hour.

She eventually fell asleep. Hours later she awoke to hear some guards unlock her cell and throw Jack in.

"_Holy Jemima Puddleduck!"_ Katy whispered to herself. She hadn't expected the guards to throw the guy she'd previously 'attacked' in the same cell as her!

"Oh look. It's the girl that harassed me. Fantastic," said Jack sarcastically.

Katy just gaped.

"_Please_ control yourself this time love," Jack smirked. "I know... it's difficult, right?" he giggled and lay down on the ground, staring at the ceiling, expecting Katy to pounce on him. He was just too cocky for his own good... and Katy was outraged.

"Look, _Jack Sparrow,_ I didn't harass you! I rescued you! I was… I was about to give you CPR!"

"How'd you know my name?" Jack looked at her.

Katy struggled to think of something. "…Your tattoo… oh! And you're a notorious pirate and stuff...."

"Oh, I see…" he didn't look convinced. "Now what exactly is 'CPR'?"

So they discussed methods of first aid and other boring stuff for a while, such as Katy's accent, which Jack actually recognized. Exciting stuff…

"So you've met my friends then. Miss Depp and Miss Knightley?" asked Katy after an awkward silence when they'd run out of stuff to talk about.

"Aye, saved their lives didn't I? And they did likewise."

"How?"

"Uh… well, I threatened them…"

Katy glowered. "What?"

"A little!" Jack insisted "To persuade ole Commodore whatshisface and his jolly men to let me go, shortly after they decided to hang me," Jack explained.

"I see that just worked out great for you."

"It was worth it. Oh, I didn't catch yer name…"

"_It was worth it?_ What's that suppose to mean, Jack? What did this 'threatening' involve?" Katy demanded. She was overprotective of her friends.

"Bit of gun pointing, trying to look dangerous, that sort of thing."

Katy looked relieved. "Sure… and my name's Katy…Bloom."

"Short for Kathryn, I imag…"

"It's just Katy!" Katy interrupted him. She hated it when people said her name was short for that.

"Sorry…" Jack said showing her the palms of his hands in a defensive manner. "Nice name."

"Thank you." Katy nodded. That's what he's supposed to say…

"And what are the first names of your friends?" Jack asked.

Katy wondered why he was asking this, but she was obedient. "The red head, Miss... Knightley..." Katy sighed at the stupidity of the fake, rather unimaginative names. "She's Alex. Only don't call her Alexandra. That really annoys her."

Jack smirked. Great, he knew how to annoy two of these girls at least. "Alex… aye. Suits that fiery young lass," He paused. "…and the brunette? Miss Depp?"

Katy could tell from the way he said her name that he was especiallyinterested in her.

"Hazel," she told him.

Jack said nothing and turned away. Katy grinned. She couldn't wait to tell Hazel this interest Jack seemed to have in her. She looked around the grimy cell to comfy place to sleep. Great, Jack had taken _her _spot. There seemed to be nowhere else clean to lay her head so she eventually decided rested her head on Jack's leg. Somehow, in that strange mind of hers, Katy thought that he wouldn't mind…

Meanwhile at the Governor's mansion, Alex and Hazel were having TLC after their 'terrifying' encounter with an actual pirate! Shock horror! In the guest room, in their toasty warm beds with 17th century equivalents of hot water bottles, they were feeling rather guilty about Katy. It was like the time they couldn't find her when they agreed to meet up and go shopping, only much worse...

After these guilt trips Hazel let out more fangirlness to Alex, who just wanted to sleep.

"He was fully lying on top of us, protecting us!" Hazel said, reminiscing

"Yes, he weighs a ton…"

"I can't wait to see him tomorrow!" Hazel squealed jumping up and down on the bed.

"He's definitely into you," Alex told Hazel

"What?"

"He was totally staring at you when you were putting all his belts on... which I wasn't too pleased about, mind you. Now sweet dreams, Hazel, goodness knows what they'll involve. Night." And with that Alex fell asleep.

Hazel was slightly shocked. She closed her eyes and ran through the events of the day. She'd spent the previous night in jail. She'd been illegally drinking. She'd fainted _many_ times… but most importantly she'd been in numerous situations with the one and only Jack Sparrow…

With these thoughts circling her head, Hazel fell asleep. No prizes for guessing what she dreamt about…


	12. Alas, Pirates! Kidnapping! Gasp!

Alas, Pirates! Kidnapping! And Suggestive Behaviour…

Katy woke up in the middle of the night, thanks to Jack getting up suddenly.

"Oww!" she yelled as her head hit the concrete. "JaaaaAAAck," she moaned. "Get your leg back here!"

"It's the Pearl!" he said looking out the window, ignoring her peculiar and unseemly risqué request...

"What?" Katy was still half asleep.

"The Black Pearl? I've heard stories," began the prisoner in the next cell. "She's been preying on ships and settlements for near 10 years. Never leaves any survivors."

Katy rubbed her eyes and woke up properly. It didn't sound good outside. A lot of guns were going off.

"No survivors?" Jack replied to the randomer. "They where do the stories come from, I wonder?"

The prisoner looked confused as Jack grinned at him. _He _was a survivor.

Katy stood up and looked out the barred window with Jack. There was much explosion and chaos. Katy then remembered that they take kidnap Elizabeth.

"_Oh bugger… they'll get Hazel and Alex too!"_ She thought.

"What?" Jack asked

"Sorry... I'm thinking out loud again."

"I see…" Jack said dubiously. Out of the three girls he'd met so far _she _was the strangest.

* * *

Hazel awoke from her fabulous yet rather improper dream to much screaming and explosions. She ran to the balcony. Great. She'd forgot about this part of the movie. Alex woke up too.

"What's happening?" she muttered sleepily.

"Alex, remember the part where all the pirates cause havoc and kidnap Elizabeth?"

"What now? Ugh… I want to sleep!"

"Tough."

They both heard Elizabeth screaming in the next room. They'd got here already…

"Run to the fort when you get the chance, ok?" Hazel told Alex. They then opened the bedroom door and hurried out. Alex managed to escape the mad house, but Pintel and Regetti grabbed Hazel.

"Who are you?" they demanded.

"Her… cousin," Hazel said pointing at Elizabeth, who was also struggling under their grip.

They grinned. "Well, we'll have a backup if _her_ blood doesn't work," they muttered, and dragged Hazel out the door along with them.

"I AM NOT BUT A MERE BACK UP!!" Hazel shrieked a painfully posh voice. She realised how stupid she was to say that she was related to Elizabeth. Well… at least Jack and Will would come to rescue them… eventually.

* * *

Alex was on her own, running through the chaotic town. One of her friend's was in jail, the other was kidnapped. She didn't feel like running all the way to the fort, so she went and hid in Will's blacksmithy place. She spotted the donkey.

"Mista Lindsay!" she exclaimed and ran over to him and gave him a hug. "Who's a lovely donkey wonkey woo? You are!"

She would be quite content there until the morning.

Meanwhile Will was being all heroic. After killing a few people he saw Elizabeth and Hazel being dragged along by some pirates. He looked so dismayed.

"TUUUUURNIIIP!!!" Hazel yelled at him

Just then he was knocked out. Poor, poor Turnip…

* * *

Meanwhile in the prison, Jack was still staring out the window and Katy had got bored and was sleeping on his rather comfy foot.

Suddenly Jack yelled "MOVE!" and threw himself on Katy in an attempt to protect her as something exploded and the wall collapsed, leaving a huge gaping hole in it. Unfortunately the huge hole wasn't in their cell, but the one next to it…

Katy was coughing and looked like she was going to be suffocated, so Jack got off her.

"My sympathies, my friend. You've not matter of luck at all," said one of the prisoners to Jack as he and the rest laughed hysterically as they jumped out and escaped.

Jack just looked out of the small gap longingly. Katy was still choking on her own saliva.

"Jack… you flippin' CRUSHED ME!" she coughed out.

"Would you rather have a brick slice through your head?" Jack told her turning round.

"OK, fine. Thanks." Katy eventually said.

The fact that all the prisoners had escaped bar him made Jack even more determined to get out. He picked up a bone and started dangling it at the fluff ball of a dog.

"Come on, doggy! It's just you and me now."

Phenomenally, the dog started walking towards him.

"Hey, you have a way with dogs too! Yay!" Katy squealed.

Jack continued his dog whispering magic. "It's you and ol' Jack. Come on, come on! That's a boy! Get your bone!"

"_Aww Jack is so cute when he puts on that voice!" _thought Katy. Thankfully, this time she was not thinking out loud.

"That's a good boy. Come on! A bit closer! Bit closer! That's it, that's it doggy!"

The dog was inches from Jack, and this time Hazel wasn't here to mess it up.

"Come on, you filthy, slimy, mangy character!"

The dog whimpered and ran away. Katy sighed heavily.

"No, no, no, no, NO! I didn't mean it! I didn't… UGH!" Jack was annoyed. He did puppy dog eyes at Katy.

"You shouldn't have insulted it, Jack" she told him.

"It isn't my fault, it's whatever's going on over there," said Jack pointing towards some rowdy fumbling by the door. Some red coats toppled down the stairs. Not good…

Two pirates appeared.

"This ain't the armoury!" one said. Well, duh…

The other spotted Jack. "Well, well, well. Look what we have here Twig." He started walking towards Jack. "Captain Jack Sparra,"

He spat on him. Jack glared at them, as did Katy.

"Don't spit on my Jack!" she hissed at them without thinking.

Jack turned to her and raised an eyebrow. "I'm _your_ Jack?"

Katy looked like she wanted to ground to swallow her. Thankfully Twig and his chum interrupted.

"Last time I saw you, you were all alone on a godforsaken island, shrinking into the distance. His fortunes aren't improved much."

Jack grinned at them. "Worry about your own fortunes, gentlemen. The _deepest _circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and… mutineers." Oh, he knew how to get to them…

And with that one grabbed Jack's neck. Katy screamed as his hand turned all bony and disgusting in the moonlight.

"So there is a curse," Jack croaked as he looked at the skeleton hand around his neck. "That's interesting…"

"You know nothing of hell," the pirate replied bitterly as he threw Jack off him and walked away.

"Jack, are you ok?" Katy asked, being all motherly.

"That's very interesting…" Jack said to himself while examining the bone.

"Yes, bones _are _interesting, now is your neck ok?" Katy prompted.

"It's fine…" Jack murmured, still scrutinizing the bone.


	13. Here's Barbie!

**Here's Barbie!!!**

_(A/N: Yes, this chapter is boring. It just shows that Hazel is kidnapped the same as Elizabeth. Sorry for lack of bant and witty humour, but this is just such a boring scene to work with…)_

Elizabeth was clinging to Hazel on the boat over to the Pearl. Saying as she hadn't kissed Jack just yet, Hazel didn't mind her all that much. They arrived on the Pearl surrounded by the stares of all the saw Barbie's outline and the monkey's irritating squeal.

A scarily HUGE guy went over to them.

"I didn't know we was takin' on captives," he said.

"She's invoked the right of parley with Capt'n Barbossa!"

Elizabeth decided to be all sassy and stepped forward. "I am here to…"

The scary man slapped her! Elizabeth glared at him as did Hazel.

"Don't hit my cousin…." Hazel was outraged.

The scary man then hit Hazel. Hazel blinked and stepped back, dazed.

"You will speak when spoken to," he told them.

Then Barbs came over to rescue them.

"And ye'll not lay a hand on those under the protection of parley," he said, grabbing the scary man's hand.

"Aye, sir." He pulled his hand free and stared at Elizabeth and Hazel.

"My apologies, miss…..es" began Barbie.

"Captain Barbossa…We are here to…" began Elizabeth intelligently.

"…negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal," finished Hazel equally intelligently.

Barbtoasta looked confused and surprised at both their comments and the fact that one had finished the other's sentences.

"They were a lot of long words in there, missys, we're naught but humble pirates!" he said laughing at her. "What is it that you want?"

"I want you to leave and never come back!" Elizabeth demanded.

Everyone was laughing at her now.

"I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request" Bartoasta told her.

Hazel whispered to Elizabeth "That means no…"

Barbs frowned at Hazel stealing his lines.

"Very well…" Elizabeth said running over to the side of the ship and threatened to drop the medallion.

Barbs pretended not to care. "Me holds are burstin' with swag. That bit of shine matters to us? Why?"

Poor Elizabeth was confused. "It's what you've been searching for… I recognize this ship. I saw it eight years ago on the crossing from England!"

Hazel rolled her eyes. She only remembers that day because that was when she meet her sweetheart Turnip.

"Did ya now?"

But Elizabeth was smarter than that. "Fine, I suppose if it worthless then there's no point in me keeping it" and she lowered it a little.

"NO!" cried out all the pirates and they lurched forward.

Elizabeth grinned, as did Hazel.

Barbie laughed off his own stupidity. "You have a name… missy?"

"Elizabeth… Turner. I'm a maid in the Governor's household."

Oh Elizabeth, you idiot. Why did you say that? Barbie turned to his crew.

"Miss TURNER!" he said obviously. He then looked at Hazel "And you be…"

"Her cousin," Hazel stated.

"What was the point in taking her aboard?" Barbie yelled at Pintel and Regetti. They looked sheepish.

"Back up blood?" they said, quite unsure.

Barbie laughed and tutted. "Back up blood… fine!"

Again, Hazel wished she hadn't said she was related to Elizabeth...

Barbossa held out his hand to Elizabeth."You hand that over and we'll put your town to our rudder and ne'er return."

Elizabeth reluctantly gave him the medallion. Barbie then handed it to Jack the Monkey. O..k…

Hazel was just about to go "_Who's a cute little un-dead monkey….yes it's you"…_but stopped herself.

Elizabeth wasn't finished yet. "Our bargain?" Barbs just turned away.

"Still the guns and stow them. Signal the men to make good to clear port," commanded the scary dude.

"Wait!" Lizzie yelled at Bartoasta. "You have to take me to shore. According to the code…"

Barbie then interrupted and explained for a long time why they wouldn't take her ashore. Hazel stood and admired her nails.

"Welcome aboard the Black Pearl, Miss Turner!" he eventually yelled at her.

Pintel and Regetti grabbed Elizabeth and Hazel and dragged them away.

_(A/N: also sorry for the many nicknames we give Barbossa…)_


	14. chickens, potatoes, and The Turnip!

chickens, potatoes, and The Turnip!

_(A/N: It's Hazel here. Hi. This is my favorite chapter so far. I actually passed out from laughing at it, and I'm not even joking. It was REALLY scary. All credit for extreme amusement you will hopefully experience goes entirely to Alex, master of humor. Let's just hope you don't faint like I did... Please review and tell her she's the best, that she should be rule the world, etc. However, if you don't find it funny at all then I'll know that something is seriously wrong with my health... anyway, __**WE LOVE YOU ALEX!!!**_

Alex fell asleep beside Mista Lindsay. In the morning, when she woke, she searched around outside for the Turnip. She soon found him lying on the ground among some potatoes and chickens.

"Turnip…I mean Will, wake up!" she said shaking him.

"Whaaa…?" mumbled a confused Will. He opened his eyes and sprang up. "Miss Knightley! They've taken Elizabeth! And Miss Depp!"

"And they would have taken me too apart from I'm just so damn good at escaping all the time!"

Will looked dazed. Stupid Will. If he thinks this confused Labrador look is attractive, he's wrong.

"DO SOMETHING!" she exclaimed. So Will scrambled to his feet in a nerdy manner and went off in search of Norrington.

They were standing looking over a map in a little gazebo…type…thing…

Alex saw Gillette. "HEY, GILLETTE!!!" she yelled at him. He pretended he didn't know her and suddenly became very interested in the map.

"They've taken them! They've taken Hazel and Elizabeth!" Will yelled.

Norrie didn't look amused. "Mr. Murtogg, remove this man…."

Will was not going down without a fight. "We have to hunt them down! We must save them!"

Alex went over to Turnip. "Will, dearie, I think they know that,"

"Where do you propose we start?" asked the Governor. "If you have any information concerning my daughter and niece, please, share it!"

Just then Will realized how pointless he really was.

"That Jack Sparrow! He talked about the Black Pearl" interrupted the idiotic red coat. Again…

"Mentioned it, is more what he did," the plumper one said.

Will's little brain was considering this. "Ask him where it is! Make a deal with him. He could lead us to it!"

"No," said Norrington. "The pirates who invaded this fort left Sparrow in his cell, ergo they are _not _his allies," he explained and turned to the Governor. "We will establish their most likely course…"

Will looked bothered by Norrie's intellectualism and manly-ness.

"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" he yelled as he threw his hatchet thing in the map. Alex patted him on the back.

Norrie rolled his eyes and gave Will back his hatchet.

"Mr Turner, you are not a military man nor a sailor. You are a _blacksmith_."

Will looked hurt..

"This is NOT the moment for rash actions. Do not make the mistake of thinking you are the only man here who cares for Elizabeth and Hazel."

Alex lead the disgruntled Turnip away before he did anything else 'rash'. Upset that he was a lowly blacksmith he walked cluelessly down the street. Actually feeling sorry for him, Alex lead him into a pub to drown his sorrows like she thought all men liked to. Alex does not have a very high opinion of men.

"I'll get the drinks" she said as Will sat in a booth. She paused. "I said I'll get the drinks." She sighed. It was customary that the gentleman should stand and say "Nay, fair maiden! What odd notions have entered thy pretty head! 'Tis the role of the _gentleman_ to offer his moneys in the face of liquor."

She sauntered off in the direction of the bar. Jack Sparrow had better be a gentleman towards Hazel or I'll…She stopped. Actually Hazel would not mind if Jack Sparrow came over to her drunken and sluggish…

Which he usually is, come to think of it.

The pub door suddenly swung open and closed again, disturbing her thoughts. Alex looked at the booth. It was Turnipless. Yes, men are scum. Leaving a young girl to fend for herself in a pub. Depressed. Pondering the existence of the male species. And with alcohol.

"_He'd be back…"_ Alex thought as she took a swig.

Meanwhile in prison, Katy was sleeping on Jack's foot. He had been trying to pick the lock with that bone all night.

"Please… please…" Jack asked the lock. "Please get me out of this place where women accused of sexual harassment sleep on my feet…"

Just then somebody came in through the entrance. Jack panicked and fell back. Onto Katy. Again.

Alas it was Will!

"Turnip!" cried Katy, muffled under Jack. He eventually moved off her.

"Why does everyone keep calling me that?" Will said to himself. He then remembered why he was here.

"You! Sparrow!" he said to Jack

"Aye?" they both said together. Jack did not like all the telepathy business.

"You were familiar with ship the Black Pearl?"

"I've heard of it…" Jack really wasn't interested in Will anymore and he lay back again.

"Where does it make berth?"

"Where does it make berth?" Jack repeated sarcastically.

"Have you _not _heard the stories?" Katy chimed in.

"_Bloody hell, she knows what I'm going to say next…" _thought Jack. She was even stranger than he thought.

Will looked blank and Jack sighed. "Captain Barbossa and his crew of miscreants sail from the dreaded Isla de Muerta. It's an island that cannot be found except…

"By those who already know where it is," Katy finished.

Jack turned to Katy. "I am gonna.." he began, clenching his fists. No one steals his thunder. As Katy looked scared, Jack thought better of attacking her and _slowly _relaxed his fist. Katy decided it was time to back off. She stood up and mobilized her neck. Boots may be comfy at the time. Pirate boots especially. However, Katy decided never to use an item of footwear as a pillow again.

Will was irritated by their idiotic repartee and got back to the point. "The ships real enough, therefore its anchorage must be a real place, _where is it_?"

Jack noticed Turnip was getting quite furstrated and decided to make it worse, for his own amusement. He suddenly became rather interested in the nails of his right hand. "Why ask me…?"

Will sighed. "Because you're a pirate."

Katy laughed at his rather pathetic reason.

Jack was examining the cuticles on every one of his nails. "And you want to turn pirate yourself is that is?"

Will grabbed the bars in his anger. "Never!"

Katy smirked. In a couple of years he'd be commanding the Flying Dutchman…

Jack went back to his nails. After a silence, Will finally told Jack why.

"They took Miss Swann…"

"Oh, so it is that you've found a girl!" Jack exclaimed. Katy laughed. He was like a father figure to Turnip.

"Oh I see.." Jack continued. "Well if you're intending to brave all and hasten to her rescue and so win fair lady's heart; you'll have to do it alone, mate. I see no profit…"

"They also took Miss Depp," said Will shutting Jack up.

"What?" cried Katy and Jack.

"I'LL KILL THAT BARTOASTA" Katy hissed.

Jack ignored her crazed ramblings and paused for thought.

"Where's my friend Alex? Miss Knightley? Where is she?" Katy demanded.

"They almost took her too, but she's safe."

"She better be…" Katy warned him with a glare.

Will ignored Katy and looked at Jack. "I can get you out of here."

Jack looked confused. "How's that? The key's run off."

Katy burst out laughing. She loved that line.

Will put his hands on his hips and eyed the bars.

"I helped build these cells. These are half-pin barrel hinges."

"Ever the nerdy one, Turnip," Katy said quietly when Will's back was turned. Jack laughed at her.

"With the right leverage, and the proper application of strength, the door will lift free," Will said, propping up a bench beside the bars.

Jack looked at him suspiciously. "What's your name?"

"Will Turner,"

Jack was suddenly a lot more enthusiastic. "That would be short for William, I imagine. Good, strong name."

Jack took a second to think. Katy couldn't help but steal his lines again.

"No doubt named for your father, eh?" Katy asked him. Jack raised an eyebrow at her. How did she know about Bootstrap and the curse etc???

"Yes…" Will said slowly

"Ahh… Well Mr. Turner, I've changed me mind," said Jack getting off the ground. "If you spring me… er us, from this cell I swear on pain of death I shall take you to the Black Pearl and your bonnie lass."

Katy grinned. "And Hazel!"

"And Hazel…" Jack reassured Katy. "You'll be tagging along then?"

"Oh yes." Katy grinned. "So is Alex! Will, where is she?"

Will suddenly remember where he left her and looked worried "Oh… I was having a drink with her but I came here…"

"TURNIP YOU IDIOT!" Katy yelled at him. "You don't leave her alone with alcohol! Right, she better still be in the pub or wherever you left her!"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Do we have an accord?" holding out his hand to Will.

"Agreed." Will smiled and they shook hands.

"Agreed! Get us out!"

Will pushed down on the bench and alas! The door lifted free and Katy and Jack were out.

"Quick, someone would have heard that," said a worried Will.

Katy was already running for the door.

"Not without my effects!" Jack said grabbing them.


	15. Alex gets VERY drunk

**Alex gets VERY drunk…**

Alex was waiting for the Turnip to return to her in the pub. By the time Jack, Will and Katy found her she not only singing sea shanties, but _making up her own._

Katy went into the pub to look for her. She heard a familiar voice singing:

"_Alcohol… takes the pain away… takes…takes the pain away,"_

"Please, please, PLEASE no, don't let it be Alex…" Katy said to herself. Yes, it _was_ Alex, singing with empty glasses surrounding her.

"KAAATHRYN!" Alex yelled upon seeing her friend. Katy hated the drunken Alex immediately. She clambered off her stool and fell on Katy.

Katy struggled out with her. Will and Jack were waiting outside.

"SSSHHHAAAACK!" Alex slurred at Jack, stumbling towards him. He looked a little scared.

"I assume she doesn't hold her drink well…" Jack said, giving Katy a look which seemed to say _"I really don't want to be here..."_

"It's SSSHHHTUUURNIP!" Alex cried out angrily, and fell on Will. He looked terrified as he attempted to hold Alex upright. "You SSSHHHHHHCUM! NAAAAAAAY FAIR MAIDEN!" She beat her fists on his chest. "I WAS CRYIN' FOR YA!" Her voice lowered to a whisper and looked up into his eyes. "_cryin.,"_

And so she passed out.

"I think it would be better if you two stay here," said Will after Alex was revived.

"We're coming with you! And this is YOUR fault, Will, you said she was safe!"

After about half an hour of arguing with Will, and LOTS of coffee, Alex sobered up. It isn't quite physically possible but she managed it. She couldn't remember a thing. Katy was busy explaining stuff to her what happened while Will and Jack were scheming.

"I passed out on Will?"

"Yes, and you nearly knocked him over,"

Alex was mortified as Katy told her all the other embarrassing things she'd done such as the 'sea shanties'. She was so embarrassed she really didn't want to go at all.

"It's to save Hazel!"

"Mmmm…I guess…" She sighed and banged her head against a wall. "I'm such an IDIOT!"

"Come ON, Alex, we're going! I don't care whether you took a test and it said you're just an 'accidental pirate' like Will! Let's go!" and with that they went off to find Jack and Will.

After much searching, Alex and Katy spotted them running under a bridge, splish splashing in the water. Now we all know Jack has a crazy run, but Turnip's is worse, he makes it possible to have a _nerdy_run. Katy and Alex stared at him, and then looked at each other. After pausing they both ran behind him, imitating and exaggerating Will's nerdy run/skip.

"We're going to steal a ship?" Will asked, looking like a scared mouse. "_That_ship?" Will said furrowing his brow and looking like a confused Labrador again. He was hilarious when he didn't know what was going on.

Jack rolled his eyes at him. Turnip just didn't have a clue. He was even looking at the wrong ship. Jack had the heart to explain the plan to him yet again and make him see sense. "Commandeer. We're going '_commandeer'_ THAT ship," Jack told the baffled Turnip. "Nautical term,"

Jack suddenly turned round to Will.

"One question about your business boy, or there's no use going. This… girl. Just how far are you willing to go to save her?"

"I'd DIE for her!" Will cried.

"Oh, good… no worries then," said Jack in a high voice, worrying Will even more.

"But would you _really_die for her?" Katy said mocking Will. Being quite a tough Turnip, he had a comeback and actually didn't run away crying like a girl.

"Would you die to save Hazel?" he questioned her.

Katy paused. He had her there….

Alex, who was staying reasonably quiet throughout this business, decided to butt in and test Jack.

"Of course we'd die for her. But who…." she said, splish splashing over to Jack, "who would _YOU_ die for, Jack?" she taunted him, leaning on the bridge raising her eyebrows at him.

Jack paused. You could see the cogs turning in his head. He looked at Alex suspiciously every now and again. So after much sighing and finger drumming from Alex, Jack finally said

…

"Meh" and waded on, trying to act calm and collected, which he was obviously not. _(Heh heh heh…)_

"No-one?" She called after him teasingly. "That's hard to believe," Alex smiled. She knew there was someone. But she just had to make sure it was her…

_More random things we wrote during writer's block (nothing to do with the story)_

_- Travis is a eeriewig. He enjoys walks on the beach and romantic meals with other female eeriewigs…_

_- Justin Timberlake is bringing Sexy Back_  
_When was it away?_  
_Your silly song is not required_  
_But his dancing makes me sway._

_- Julio is a man whore_  
_He brings women to his lair._  
_Men lust after drawings._  
_But she has ginger hair!_  
_(ie: Jessica Rabbit)_

_- Jean Christophe is a lovely name._  
_But he is not fit._  
_He was dropped on his head as a baby._  
_He is a silly French git._

please please please please review!!!


	16. Under The Sea Bant and Gilette's Return

**Under The Sea Banter and The Return of Gillette**

_Ok. This is the start of the really confusing bit of the movie where they take the ship but then take the OTHER ship. The only reason I can write this is because I'm watching the movie as I type. So sorry if you're totally lost at what's going on…_

The four musketeers were now in walking along the sea bed, clutching a long boat over the top of them so they did not drown. Genius. Jack's idea, of course. Alex had to keep asking Jack over and over again what exactly the plan was, and Katy kept telling her to shut up. Will looked irritated. This was not how he wanted to go about saving his bonnie lass.

"This is either madness or brilliance" Will said, looking scared.

"It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide" Jack told him.

"In you, for example!" said Katy.

Alex laughed. "That's true,"

Even thought Katy was behind Jack, she just knew he'd be smirking to himself.

"Watch for the…." Jack looked down and squinted. "…lobster trap," he called out over his shoulder. He walked around it, as did Katy, as did Alex. But Turnip? Maybe he didn't hear, or maybe he was just slow, but he somehow managed to embed his foot in the lobster trap. Fantastic. A lot of irritable moaning noises were heard from him. Alex was directly in front of him and soon she tired of listening to him talk about the big wooden thing attached to his foot.

Several minutes passed, the only noise was Will moaning about his foot. Alex couldn't take it anymore.

"Will, please shut up! It's your own stupid fault you walked into that!" she yelled angrily.

Will looked horrified. He wrinkled his forehead, widened his eyes and opened his mouth. Confused Labrador position. Before he could whimper anything Alex looked back at him and hissed "I was crying for you._CRYIN'!_ Remember?"

That shut him up…. temporarily.

Jack dropped his head back and sighed at the rumpus. He looked at Katy, who was rolling her eyes. He sniggered. They both thought along the same lines….

Will miraculously somehow had the manhood _(or perhaps not if he was a eunuch…)_and the sheer cheek to open his mouth again and start complaining. Alex knew she'd have to do something radical to shut him up for good… or at least until they got on the ship and she had her personal bubble back. So she shouted something _so_ rude, _so_ shocking, _so_ utterly dreadful. She took a deep, deep breathe…

…

"NANNY GOAT!!" she cried out.

-stunned silence-

Everybody stopped walking and stared at Alex. She grinned.

"Well, it shut him up, didn't it?" she laughed to herself, like a horse on ecstasy, (as our friend describes it when Alex laughs high pitched).

Katy couldn't hold it in anymore and laughed as well.

The two hysterical girls were in stitches, and the fact that Will and Jack were just staring at them blankly made it worse.

Eventually, and with difficulty, the four had reached the ship in their underwater expedition, and had clambered up the back of it. Most of the time Will and Jack were hauling up Alex and Katy. Will complained even more and Alex was getting ready to slap him. When they finally got on the deck, Jack casually strutted sternwards with his gun, however Will, thinking he was all cool, drew his sword and dodged side to side behind him. Alex and Katy stared at his exaggeration. He was obviously trying to act like Jack, but failing miserably. Jack started down the stairs, where the crew was. Turnip _jumped_ down the steps. He was such a fool.

"Everyone stay calm, we're taking over the ship," Jack yelled.

Crew members look genuinely scared.

"Aye, Avast!" Will cried out.

Crew members laugh. Why did Turnip feel the need to ruin everything?

Alex and Katy (who were loitering around) nearly died from laughter watching Jack raise his eyebrows and give The Whelp the most odd look, as if he was trying to say:

"_Turnip, what the heck are you doing ruining my reputation? I can't believe I agreed to do this with you! You don't know anything about pirating! You even referred to commandeering as 'stealing a ship'! You're so stupid! Real pirates don't say 'aye, avast'. What were you thinking? Ahhhh!"_

Yep, Jack said all that from a single look. Will then looked at Jack as if to say:

"_I'm just being cool! Look at me I'm a silly pirate who says 'aye avast'! That made them scared! Oh… wait…why are they laughing? Jack, did I do something wrong? Jack… I won't be able to cope if I did something wrong! I wana be a real pirate just like you!"_

A look can say a thousand words.

(Katy – YEAH RIGHT! checks word count)

Fine, a look can say 51 words according to Microsoft Word's Word Count. sigh. Anyway…

"This ship cannot be crewed by two men. You'll never make it out of the bay," said an arrogant voice, coming from the crew's leader, ruining Jack and Wills precious moment. Awwww.

"_Wait a minute… something about that stuck up ice-cream is familiar"_thought Alex as he spoke. "Holy cripes! It's GILLET!"

Katy rolled her eyes.

I mean GILL_ETTE_!" Alex cried, correcting her strawberry BLONDE mistake.

Gillette looked at Alex, and all of a sudden that smug face was wiped off and he looked horrified. _"Oh no, it's that Alex child again!"_ he thought.

As all this was going on Jack gave Gillette one of his signature crooked smiles. He'd never make it out of the bay? Yeah right…

"Son… I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?" Jack told him, cocking his gun.

_(At this point, Katy burst out laughing at something we wrote above. I won't even go into it. Hazel was just attempting to be grammatically correct…)_

Gillette was forced to get off the ship with his merry men. Alex had great fun watching him. "What's that lying in the gutter? Oh, it's Gillette's reputation!" she yelled.

Thank goodness this is a movie. I mean seriously. As if a group of randomers with ONE gun with ONE bullet could commandeer a ship. But off they went sailing in the ship. Unfortunately this wasn't enough for Jack as he wanted the fastest ship. Rage.

"So uh… Jack. Once they come after us in _THAT_ ship, how are we supposed to get on it?" Katy asked following Jack round and round the ship like a puppy.

Jack sighed. "Wait 'til they all come over here looking for us. Then we'll… swing. On ropes. You know. Swinging. And then…"

"SWINGING?" Katy was horrified.

Jack sighed AGAIN and began explaining. "Well, we'll cut their lines so that…"

"No Jack. I mean, I am _not_ 'swinging' as you put it." Katy crossed her arms.

"Then stay here. Go to jail. Have a nice life…" Jack slurred at her, then ran off to tend to some ropes.

Katy was so irritated she yelled "PSHYEAH!" in a sarcastic voice so loud it actually came out "PISS, YEAH" (that's really not how it's suppose to be pronounced, by the way.) Jack was too confused to be offended and ignored her.

So Katy was left to think over her options; get arrested yet again, jump in the sea and somehow swim to safety, or kill Jack.

She liked option 3 the most right now.


	17. DRAMA! BULLETS! BANDANAS! ETC!

DRAMA! BULLETS! BANDANAS!

As Katy and Alex were testing the swingability of the ropes they could see Nozz (Norrington) on the shore, talking rather sternly to one of his boyfriends. He _seemed_ to say "Rash, Turner. Too rash," under his breath. He put the telescope back in his pocket. "That is without a doubt the worst pirate I have ever seen."

"Here they come." Will said as Jack looked over at the men rowing towards them. A smile spread over his face.

"If only Hazel could see his crafty smile," thought Alex. "Honestly she'd melt." She gripped the rope tighter. "I hope she's okay…"

"I can't believe this." Katy cried. She turned to Jack" "I can't believe _you!_" Evil eyes all round.

Soon, Norrington's men arrived at the boat and climbed on board. "Search every cabin." Shouted Norrie above the uproar.

Meanwhile, Jack, Will, Alex and a reluctant Katy were swinging over to the other ship. All searching stopped while a deafening scream came from Katy.

"Katy, swinging with your eyes closed is a bad idea!" called Alex from the other side. She grabbed the rope and puller her over just in time. Norrie's men were making (rather foolish) attempts to board the ship.

"Get on the other ship!" yelled Norrie.

"Thank you commodore!" Jack waved as they sailed away. Katy and Alex stood at the edge and taunted him.

"Hang him!"

"Hey what's that in the gutter? Oh, it's STILL your reputation."

"You got OWNED, sucka!"

"Tell the ice cream man we say hi!"

With a final evil look, Norrington stormed off. Soon the ship was shaking as bullets and cannonballs flew everywhere.

"Take cover!" shouted Will. Katy and Alex dropped to their knees and crawled along the deck towards Jack.

"Jack! They're shooting at us!" cried Katy.

"I am aware of that, Katy." he said through gritted teeth. "Here." He fumbled in his pocket and threw his gun at them. "Use this."

Alex picked up the gun and scurried to the side of the boat. She stood up and aimed at one of Norrie's clones on the other ship.

"I was only joking, you know! By the way, I've only got one bullet." Reminded Jack.

Just as Alex was about to pull the trigger a bullet hit her in the shoulder, knocking her off her feet.

"Alex! Are you okay?" someone cried. The pain was excruciating. She saw two people stand over her. Hot tears blurred her vision.

Katy and Will lifted her to her feet and supported her as they lead her to a cabin away from the crossfire but the pain was too much and Alex's head began to swim. Her body slumped as she fell unconscious.

They dragged her to the cabin where they lay her on a bench. Will began to roll up her sleeve.

_May this be known to the readers; Katy and Alex have changed from lovely period dresses to suitable piratey attire._

"What are you doing?" asked a worried Katy as Will examined the wound.

"You know, I could take this bullet out."

"WHAT! Ew, you can't do that!"

"It would be safer and less painful." He raised his eyebrows at Katy.

After a long staring match Katy nodded.

"Okay, go ahead. As long as you know what you're doing."

Will looked back at the little metal sphere embedded in Alex's arm. "Find something that can lift something small."

"Oooh, like Operation!" Katy exclaimed, remembering the much loved children's game.

Awkward silence

"Ummm, never mind." She said. "Here, what about these." She removed a pair of tweezers from her make-up bag. She blew the pink eye shadow off and handed them to Will.

Will took them in his hand and turned back to the still unconscious Alex. He carefully guided the tweezers towards the small spherical bullet, trying not to touch the cut around it.

"I was a part-time nurse in my previous life." Said Will conversationally, his back to Katy

…Katy looked at him oddly.

"Wait…got it!" cried Will. Katy could see a small shiny object glistening in the tweezers.

"Have you got bandages in that purse of yours as well?" questioned Will.

Katy thought. She wasn't going to tear her cool pirate gear for a bandage!

"Aha!" she cried and ran out the door.

Outside, Jack was running about like a headless chicken trying to control the ship all by himself. As soon as he saw Katy run frantically towards him he quickly busied himself with other… ropes.

"Jack!" Katy yelled at him, waving her arms.

"I'm not here." Jack sighed.

"There's blood! Everywhere! I need your bandana!"

Jack lifted his hand to the bandana protectively. "Why?"

"GOSH! Jack, we need bandages!"

"Why don't you try the plentiful supply of spare sails in the bulkhead?"

Silence

"WHERE!?" Katy sighed. "Why don't I just try the plentiful supply of material from around your head?"

"No!"

"Fine!" She turned to go back to the cabin. But she must try one last time. She turned back to face Jack and looked behind his shoulder.

"Oh hello, Norrington." She said passively.

"What!" Jack spun around. Katy quickly grabbed the bandana, pulling frantically at his hair. She whipped it off his head and while she was running back to the cabin she yelled

"FOOLED YA, SUCKA!"

Jack was confused. He wasn't usually the one _being_ fooled.

Katy jungle boogied her way back to the cabin where she found Will sitting with a medical kit bandaging Alex up, who was groaning.

Katy looked at the bandana in her hand. "Well… you know… I… I have a bandana…. If you want it"

Alex grumbled "The scene with the banana!"

"She's delirious then," Katy sighed.

"Well, partly drunk as well." Will said. "I gave her a little rum to numb the pain."

Katy slapped Will on the back of the head. "HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING!?"

"I need help!" yelled a distressed Jack from outside.

Will and Katy ran out to see Jack running around with hair in his eyes. "I can't see! The child blinded me!"

"Oh come here!" She tied the bandana around his head. "All better now?"

Jack grumbled again. "Well while you were off being mother hens, the ship has nearly capsized."

Katy looked at a tangled assortment of ropes. It looked too complicated to help. She backed away into the cabin. "I'm gonna...umm...check on Alex. Yeahhh."

_NOTE TO READERS - _

_medical terms and locations on the ship are most definately not correct. there's not even a chance. enjoy._

hoot hoot


	18. Mass Brawls, Dating Advice and Tattoos

_an extra long one!! hehe..._

Mass Brawls, Dating Advice and Tattoos. 

Back on deck, Jack and Will were having a man to man talk. Will was being stupid, sharpening his sword and what not, and once again Jack was the only one doing anything useful. Meanwhile, in the cabin, Katy and a drunken/delirious Alex were listening at the door.

"My mother raised me in England by herself" Will said as he sharpened his sword. "After she died I came out here…looking for my father."

"No body _cares,_ Turnip!" whispered Katy.

"Is that so?" Jack was uninterested and went back to maintaining the ship.

"My father, Will Turner?" prompted Will, standing up and going after Jack. "Only after you learned my name did you agree to help. Since that's what I wanted I didn't press the matter. I'm not a simpleton, Jack."

"That's the biggest lie I've heard in my _life,_" hissed Alex.

"I know, 'simpleton' is the perfect word to describe Turnip," Katy said.

Will continued. "You knew my father."

Jack sighed. "I knew him. Probably one of the few who knew him as William Turner. Everyone else just called him Bootstrap or Bootstrap Bill."

"Booooootstrap?" Will said in a confused/nerdy/feminine way.

"Good man. Good **pirate**."

SHOCKER FOR WILL!

"I swear you look just like him." Jack continued.

"It's not true." said Will, holding the confused/nerdy/feminine face. "He was a merchant sailor. A good respectable man who obeyed the law."

"He was a bloody pirate. A scallywag."

"Handbags are out," whispered Katy and Alex, still in the cabin.

"My father…" Will drew his sword. "…was NOT a pirate."

"Handbags are TRULY out!" remarked Alex.

"Put it away, son" Jack said calmly. "It's not worth you getting beat again."

"You didn't beat me." Will insisted. "You ignored the rules of…"

Alex and Katy got bored listening to this macho talk (or rather we got bored typing out the whole dialogue) so after Katy was sure Alex could walk, they went outside on deck to get some fresh air.

"Hello, ladies." Katy said in a singsong voice. Jack and Will ignored her.

"HEY! What's wrong with SHHHHHTURNIP!" Alex cried.

Will was indeed clinging on for dear life onto one of the mast …type…things.

"Going for a swim Will?" Katy asked sarcastically.

This comment made Alex laugh once again like a horse on ecstasy. "AHAHAHA! Look at him _WHINGE_!" she cackled.

By the time Will was back on the deck, he had finally accepted that his father _was_ a pirate and Jackie knows best. Turns out all you need to do is dangle him over the open sea.

"Can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?" grinned Jack to a pathetic, lying-flat-on-his-back Will.

"Tortuga?" Will questioned randomly.

"Tortuga," Jack confirmed.

"TORTUGA!" Alex squealed pointing into the distance.

Katy gasped. "Tortuga!"

"That's Tortuga?"

"TORTUGAAA ISHAA SHFUMNNY WORD!"

Jack grabbed a handy bottle of rum and sighed heavily. "If I hear the word Tortuga one more bloody time…"

Hearing Jack's silent outburst, Katy took the opportunity to annoy him further. "Guess what TORTUGA is Spanish for Jack?" she popped out of nowhere right up in his face.

"I am one more bottle of rum away from throttling you, girl" he warned her, dead seriously.

Long pause.

And so Katy proceeded to break into song. "100 bottles of rum on the wall, 100 bottles of ruuummmmm!" she sang.

Jack was so close to smashing the bottle over Katy's head. He decided not to as it would be a terrible waste of rum.

Soon, with much difficulty, they had anchored the ship and Katy and Alex found themselves walking through the streets of Tortuga.

"Why is there a mass brawl?" whispered Alex who had sobered up.

"Sshhh!" said Katy. "Jack's having girlfriend trouble."

Alex turned to see Jack get a large slap up the face.

"Not sure I deserved that." grumbled Jack.

"That…sounded…painful…"Alex murmured.

Soon another girl strutted up towards him. "Oo was she?" demanded the strumpet.

Jack did his best 'no-idea-what-you're-talking-about-I-was-just-buying-you-a-bunch-of-red-roses' impression. "What?" he said with a shrug. And with that Jack received another almighty slap and the girl walked away.

"I _may_ have deserved that."

"Now, now Jack. We mustn't two-time!" said Katy in a motherly way.

But Jack was already walking on, further up the street. Katy and Alex began following him at a distance commenting on Jack's unsuccessful love life.

"You know he should really give himself some time to mourn his loss. Get to know himself as a single person."

"Yeah… like toe his lines of independence and find out what makes _him_ happy again."

They soon turned to see Will following them. Hmmm, a bit odd.

_Awkward silence._

"I HOPE YOUR TAKING NOTES!!" yelled Alex.

"But I was…ummm…protecting you!" he said quietly.

"WILL, YOU COULDN'T PROTECT YOUR HAT!" Katy exclaimed. She looked at his head. "If you had one."

"Exactly!" Alex nodded. "Katy's had five rum bottles smashed over her head and you haven't noticed."

Will looked terrified at this piece of made-up information.

"Oi you, come here," called Jack from up the street, his head around the door of a barn.

Alex, Katy and Will all ran up to find Jack standing over a man sleeping on some pigs. Yes, pigs.

Jack grabbed a bucket and threw it over him.

"Curse you for breathing you slacked-jawed idiot!" cried Gibbs dripping wet.

While Jack was talking his way out of getting killed, Will, Alex and Katy were filling up some buckets of their own. Will arrived and threw the cold water over Gibbs.

"BLAST, I'M ALREADY AWAKE!" Gibbs seemed rather annoyed.

"That was for the smell." Will stated plainly.

Gibbs looked disgruntled. He was soon splashed with another bucket of water.

"That was for the dirt." said Alex with a sneer.

Gibbs nodded helplessly but was soon met with a fourth bucket of water.

Katy stood there awkwardly with the empty bucket in her hands.

Jack looked at her bewildered. "And that was for…"

"I felt left out..."

"Ah."

About 10 minutes later, Jack, Will, Alex, Katy and Gibbs arrived in a bar where EVERYBODY was brawling. Will looked like a petrified mouse as he stood and kept a "watchful eye." While Jack and Gibbs were bargaining with each other, Katy was asking Will if she could go off and get a tattoo as she admired Jack's a lot. Will was going down a list of moral reasons why she shouldn't. As was Alex.

Katy had to try something. "Will, I was wondering if I could have some money."

Will, in a dither said "Why? What do you need money for?"

"Ummm…to go… get some…sweets." Katy smiled.

"What?"

Katy remembered she wasn't a child in a funfair anymore. "Oh! Well… for some rum!"

Will shrugged. "Well, okay then." He delved in his pocket and handed the money to Katy. Alex gave her an evil eye. She felt bad for poor Will being used.

"Be back soon, Turnip!" Katy called as she made her way for the door.

"Umm Katy. The bar's that way."

Katy looked shifty as she regarded the bar. Need another plan.

Awkward silence

"Oh, hello Norrington," she called out.

While Will was searching around the pub like an idiot thinking Nozzie had hunted them down, Katy escaped out the door.

Alex was not being left alone again. In a pub. With alcohol. She grabbed Will by the ponytail.

"You, young man, are not leaving me alone again!"

And so Will had a fun night sitting in the bar listening to Alex talk about global warming, the Jonas Brothers and other such 21st century whatnot. Will had never been as bored in his whole entire life. Katy popped back again an hour or three later clutching her arm.

"Oh Em Gee!" cried Alex "Did you get shot!?"

Katy looked at her sceptically.

"Well it's perfectly possible." Alex continued. "There _is_ a brawl a mile wide."

Katy rolled up her sleeve and revealed the tattoo. It was a picture of a teacup with the letter "K" on it. The teacup was surrounded by a flower.

Alex stared at Katy. "What does it mean?"

"Doy! Look a "K", "Tea," "Bloom". Katy Bloom?"

Alex looked at her blankly.

"Well, I like it!" said Katy defensively.

"I don't get it."

Katy sighed.

"Anyway, while you were off gallivanting, poor Turnip has gone off to the land of Nod, and Jack and Gibbs… they're _somewhere_," said Alex gesturing towards the other side of the pub.

Katy looked strangely at Will. "He looks… funny… when he's sleeping."

"You just missed him talking in his dreams. He was muttering something about donkeys."

Soon, Jack appeared and saw Katy parading around her new tattoo. "You should have consulted _me_ first."

"You probably would have said yes." said Alex distastefully. She was getting grumpy as she became aware of how late it was...

"True," smiled a proud Jack, despite Alex's disgust. He turned to Katy and looked serious again. "But at least I know the _clean_ places to get a tattoo."

Katy looked worried.

Alex couldn't take much more.

"Jack, we're a gosh darn MESS! Will's in a freaking _comma, _there's a good chance Katy's got HIV, not forgetting the fact that I AM STILL BLOODY INJURED!"

Jack raised an eyebrow at Alex. "Bloody woman…" he said to himself. "And what in the world is HIV?"

Alex remembered a lot of things still weren't discovered in the 17th century, but she then decided she didn't care because Jack was stupid anyway.

"IT'S A DISEASE YOU BUFFOON!"

The whole bar came to a stand still. All of a sudden it was _very _quiet. Jack looked genuinely offended.

"Now are you going to get us somewhere decent to stay for the night or what? ARE YOU?" Alex glared at him.

Jack widened his eyes. Never before had he heard this much ranting and demanding from a young woman. He started backing away but Alex's eyes where fixed on him.

"Uh…um…mis…MISTER GIBBS!" he yelled, still staring at Alex like a rabbit caught in car headlights. Gibbs came running over, hearing the urgency in Jack's voice.

"Get…'them'," he gestured to all three of the lunatics. "Get them somewhere nice to stay for the night," he said, a bit shakily.

Alex raised her eyebrows.

"I... I mean _away _from all…" he flawed his arms about wildly. "Away from this. Other side of town. Somewhere NICE, got it?" he told Gibbs, giving him a large bag of money.

Gibbs looked at the size of the money bag, shocked. "Cap'n?"

Jack was still looking at Alex. "Somewhere NICE. They're…governors… daughters… or something along those lines. Not used to _this_…"

Gibbs nodded. If there's one thing Jack fears, it's the wrath of a woman. Alex finally stopped scowling at Jack. She grabbed the half asleep Will by the ear and followed Katy, lead by Gibbs, out the door.

"Thank you Mister Sparrow," she grimaced, not sounding a bit thankful, and walked straight past him.

Jack instinctively was about to call "That's CAPTAIN to you!" but he quickly resisted.

"Redheads…" he muttered, grabbing a rum bottle. He tilted it up and a single drop landed on his tounge. Empty.

"Bugger."

* * *

_DEAR READERS...  
1.) Tortuga is Spanish for 'tortoise'. The island of Tortuga is shaped like a tortoise, hence its name.  
2.) We don't know anything about HIV. It might not spread through tattoo-ish needles. We don't know, it just fitted in. Sorry again for the none correctness of it all ;)  
3.) Now we all know Alex is not one to be messed with. She can even scare Jack now. So if you don't want her to unleash her wrath upon you, please..._

_**REVIEW**(you have no idea how excited we get when people review)_

_thank you all that have already._

_WE LUUURRVVVVVVVEEEEEEEE YEEEWWWWWW  
xxxxx_


	19. The Surprise Special Guests

Chocolate Cake and the Surprise Special Guests… 

While all this is going on with Katy and Alex, let us not forget Hazel, who has been stuck with some of the most boring/unattractive characters all day. Thankfully Elizabeth is here so at least Will and Jack are on their way. She hasn't a clue about Katy and Alex…

She happily slept on the night they were captured as Elizabeth was her usual annoying self. The next day she spent most of her time listening to her ipod and explained to Elizabeth that the pirates weren't going to hurt them. The conversation generally went like this:

"Hazel, this a ship of men who spend years at sea and all of a sudden there are two woman aboard. What do you think they're going to do to us?"

"There's no point, they're cursed. Also this is a Disney movie, they wouldn't put anything like THAT in!"

"Excuse me?"

"Barbs will explain the curse at dinner later. I can see the future remember?"

"No, I mean what's… Disney?"

And so Hazel would explain modern day whatnot to her. When dinner time came along Barbossa sent two dresses, strangely enough.

"It's funny the effort they put in when they can't even taste it," Hazel said watching platefuls of food being sent down.

"All the more for us…" Elizabeth sounded hungry.

And so Barbossa sat and watched the two eat. Freak. Although Elizabeth's eating habits were disgusting. He started explaining the curse to her. Hazel was bored stiff. Even when Elizabeth stabbed Barbs, Hazel continued to eat. She soon heard a considerable amount of screaming coming from outside the cabin. Hazel sighed.

"She's discovered the ick piratey skeleton people, then," Hazel said to herself as she started on the chocolate cake.

"Now how in the world do you know _everything _that's going to happen, missy?" Barbossa questioned. Her calmness in the crazy situation confused him.

Fortune teller," came her robotic reply.

"Fortune teller eh…" Barbossa was thinking. "Then what's going to happen? Will the curse be lifted?" he chuckled, thinking Hazel was just a fake. Which was sort of true…

"Oh the curse will be lifted," Hazel assured him. "But you're gonna die, Barbie."

He shrugged. "You're a fake!"

"Tell me that when you are _dying_."

He then grabbed a distressed Elizabeth, threw her in the cabin with you and slammed the door. Lovely guy, that Bartoasta…

"Jack and Will better be here soon, otherwise I might die of boredom…" Hazel thought.

The next morning, a few (dozen, maybe?) miles away, on that tortoise shaped rock known as Tortuga, Katy and Alex were still sleeping in their rather comfy beds. After wandering around the town all night Gibbs had finally found a half decent inn where they wouldn't be disturbed, and after much insisting, managed to get a separate room for Will, thank goodness. Alex was not listening to him talk about donkeys all night and Katy refused to sleep in the same room as him.

Katy woke up bright and early. Alex did _not. _Katy had washed and dressed. Alex was still sleeping. Katy had eaten breakfast. Alex was still sleeping. Katy had appreciated the fact that she was still alive and her tattoo was actually not infected.

Alex was _still_ sleeping.

"GET YOU'RE LAZY ASS OUT OF BED, ALEX!" Katy yelled. It was now 10am.

Alex muttered something incomprehensible.

Katy sighed. The fact was, she was incredibly bored without somebody to talk to. She resorted to the extreme.

"ALEX WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIIEEEEE!"

Alex grumbled. "Therez…somefing…WRONG with my bwrrra!"

Katy raised an eyebrow. She was even drunk in her dreams.

"Alex?" Katy poked her. Alex finally opened her eyes.

"Mmmm? It's too early!"

"It's like ten!"

"…That's early."

"Jack and Will might leave without us…"

Alex grumbled some more and slowly sat up. She remembered what happened last night. "You know I wouldn't be surprised if he's already left… after what happened," she looked ashamed and hugged her knees in towards her stomach. Uh oh…

Katy was thinking the worst. "Alex. Tell me you didn't go and… go and… do something stupid…"

"NO!" Alex yelled. "Noooo…" she thought properly about what Katy was suggesting. She screwed up her face. "NO WAY! …I just mean what happened with me yelling at him in the pub place!"

Katy was relieved. "Ooooh right. I was worried there for a second. THAT could have _really _messed things up. And Hazel would be… can you imagine what HAZEL would be like?"

Alex wanted this mental picture out of her head. "Katy! Go do something useful. Find Will. Tell him we're ready to leave in 20 minutes," Alex commanded, getting out of bed.

"Yes madam…" Katy said sarcastically and went out the door. She found Will, who was in his room talking to Jack.

"Top o' the mornin' to ya!" Katy cried in a crisp Irish accent she felt randomly appropriate. She grinned at Will and Jack.

Will regarded Katy with his usual confused Labrador gaze and nodded.

Jack looked terrified and jumped out of his skin.

"Jack?"

He looked embarrassed. "Sorry…thought you were… the _red headed one_…"

Katy laughed hysterically at this new nickname. The way Jack said it made it sound like some cheap horror movie. Suddenly she stopped laughing.

"Wait. I look like Alex now?"

"Ummm…" Jack looked confused. "The Irish accent… reminded me of her ginger hair… you know…"

"Oh JACK! What are you like? You are really scared aren't you! Don't worry. I think Alex is in a forgiving mood today…like she is most days, actually. Ignore her silly outburst, she's not really like that."

"I see…" said Jack disbelievingly.

"When are we leaving?"

"Depends. Is Alex awake?" Will asked.

"Just about. Apparently she'll be ready in twenty minutes."

"Bloody woman. How long do they…" Jack's voice trailed off as Katy glared at him.

"Her bandage will need changing…" Will told her.

"Yeah." Katy winced. "It really does." She realized there was nothing exciting for her to do, so she made for the door.

"So see you here at half past ten," Will continued cheerfully, looking at a handy clock.

"Right!" Katy called back as she left and went to hurry up Alex.

_(20-ish minutes later…)_

"So Jack's scared of you," Katy casually said to Alex as she finished off her hair.

"What? Seriously?"

"He was practically trembling when he mistook me for you."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Sure. Let's go," and with that she walked out the door. Katy quickly followed. Alex was _sure_ this wasn't true. She spotted Jack and Will.

"Morning guys."

"Good day, Miss Knightley," replied Will politely.

Jack jumped slightly, didn't make eye contact with her, grumbled, and drunkenly walked out the building.

Alex stared. "Is he really that…"

"I TOLD YOU SO!" cried a proud Katy.

Alex was worried. She'd never seen Jack behave like that before. Nonetheless, she followed him to the dock along with Katy and Will. Her thoughts were buzzing around in her head, until she saw something that would completely wipe her mind free of bad notions.

She froze.

Katy gaped.

And Will wondered why the two girls were looking at Jack's assembled crew so bizarrely.

In the line of ugly men, there stood three of the most attractive men in the whole entire world. Their hotness radiated out as far as the eye could see. They were angels among drunkards and scoundrels.

"What?" Will interrupted the glorious moment, wondering what was wrong with the two young women.

Lo and behold, there stood the Jonas Brothers.

* * *

_NOTE TO READERS  
__You _may_ be wondering, "HAVE YOU PEOPLE GONE OUT OF YOUR MINDS??"_

_The answer is yes..._

_Well I'm SORRY! Apparently, this movie just doesn't have enough attractive men to satisfy us. Blame Katy and Alex. I (Hazel), was happy enough with the movie left alone._

_Anyway. As Alex put it just before I posted this..._

_**BRING ON THE REVIEWS**_


	20. Let's Rescue Hazel But Not Just Yet…

_HOLA MUNCHKINOS!!  
__(that was Spanish for 'hello munchkins') _

_Some interesting reactions to our... 'addition'. We must thank all reviewers SO MUCH!! Seriously we get so excited when there's a new review. You should see us…  
__Alex: Oh look, another review…  
__Hazel: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  
__Katy: LET'S HAVE A PARTY IN HONOUR OF THAT REVIEW!! _

_Then we read the review. Uh oh. __We got our first negative review! Gasp! So we didn't have a party. Instead we sat and cried. _

_All nasty reviews shall be deleted. FEEL ALEX'S WRATH!_

_On a brighter note, special thanks to__** Delu**__, who has been devotedly reviewing the past few chapters. We love you. Seriously. LULU WE LOVE YOU!_

_Oh we changed the name… like it? I'm figuring more people would read this if it had some sort of deep meaningfulness to it…_

_I'll shut up now. This is a REALLY long chapter... for us._

...

Lets Rescue Hazel. But Not Just Yet…

Alex and Katy did what any fangirls would do. Grabbed each other. Gasped. Ran away somewhere where they wouldn't be seen. Silently screamed with crazy arm movements. Jumped up and down. Calmed themselves. Got excited again. They then realized that when Hazel was going through all this with Jack, they'd been there to calm her down. Who would calm them down?

Turnip popped his head round the corner of a building. "What in the world are you two doing?"

"Having a FANGIRL MOMENT, WILL! DOY!" Katy screamed at him.

Alex had a little more sense than Katy at that moment in time, and told Will to go off and not worry about them. Will shrugged and scampered off.

"Alright, let's go! We can't stay here forever. We're in the doorway of somebody's house…" Alex insisted. Katy cut her off by squealing. Alex grabbed her by the hair.

"Katy! We have to make sure Jack lets them into the crew!"

"Jack would let a _dog_ into the crew!"

In the distance they heard Gibbs showing off his men. "Feast your eyes, cap'n. All of them, faithful hands before the mast…"

Katy took a very deep breathe, muttered something to herself, and began walking over towards Jack, Turnip, Gibbs, and _them. _Alex followed.

Jack was walking up and down the line of men with a banana in his hand. He began questioning an old man named Cotton… something long and complicated and to do with fortitude and courage and almost certain death.

Damn, the Jonas Brothers looked good in pirate garb. But also a little scared. Especially Nick.

Alex stopped Katy. "Maybe we should wait here until Jack's finished his analysis of his crew…"

They stopped, saw Will copying Jack's every move, be non helpful and generally irritating, and Jack get slapped twice. He came to the end of the row of men and looked at the three young brothers. He squinted at Nick. He stood out as being the youngest out of the whole crew.

"How old are you, sir?" Jack snapped. You could hear in his voice he was already infuriated. A freshly slapped-in-the-face Jack is not a happy one…

"Fif… fifteen…sir…" Nick shakily answered. Katy and Alex melted at his voice.

Jack almost took pity on him. With a sigh he said "Everyone's got to start somewhere, lad."

And with that Jack shouted some orders. The crew ran off the ship obediently. The JB (we'll refer to them collectively like this) looked at each other and followed the others. Joe said something and Nick and Kevin burst out laughing.

As they disappeared into the distance, Alex finally moved her eyes and looked at Katy. They both just squealed in a very fangirl-ish way, and followed everyone else onto the ship, talking crazily about various topics such as Joe's hair, Joe's eyes, Joe's sense of humour, Nick's cuteness, Kevin's…. uh… Kevin's _kindness. _(Yes, my two friends don't like Kevin as much as they believe he isn't as good-looking. Shallow as puddles says I)

Onboard the ship Katy and Alex knew they _had _to go talk to them. As well as discuss fangirl topics, there was also the question of how they actually got here. Was there a magic portal of something?

Katy and Alex sat down on some steps. It was a bit chaotic onboard, Jack yelling various commands and the crew running about wildly.

_(excuse me as I pile on the cheese to please my friends here…)_

The crowds parted and alas! There was the JB, all of them looking gorgeous in the Caribbean sunlight. Then there was eye contact.

Now there's something about a person that you can just _tell _they aren't from this century. Also creatures of the female kind were uncommon aboard pirate ships. Maybe that's why those brothers were just staring at Katy and Alex. Of course those two girls acted as if they didn't even see them, and were deep in conversation about something totally unrelated…

"They've seen us,"

"They're looking over here, I know it!"

"They're so looking at us."

"I think they are _coming over,_"

"I think I'm going to faint…"

"Shut UP Alex, they're coming over!"

"Any chance you guys are from 2008 as well?" came a familiar voice.

Oh. Crap. That was the voice of _Joe Jonas._

Alex somehow plucked up the courage to smile and look up. "How'd you guess?" Good grief, they were so close.

"For a start you're acting just like all our fans do…" said Kevin knowingly, sitting down beside them.

"OH CRAP!" thought Katy and Alex.

"Well…" started Katy, clearing her throat "One day we're living our ordinary lives, next we're sucked into a pirate movie, and now we have realized that YOU are here with us…so forgive us if we're acting a bit…" she trailed off whilst looking into Joe's eyes.

"What's up with your accent?" Nick randomly asked.

"We're from… Northern Ireland," Alex explained unsteadily.

"Whoa. Doesn't sound Irish to me…"

"NORTHERN Irish, Joe!" Kevin corrected his brother.

Joe looked confused. "What's the difference?"

"Ummm… girls?" They all looked at Katy and Alex.

"Oh it's… complicated," Katy said tensely.

Long pause.

"AWKWARD!" Joe cried out. Nervous laughter ensued.

"Maybe we should discuss things properly… I mean we're all in a pretty sticky situation here…" said Kevin, walking over towards the cabin doors. "Shall we?"

"Kevin. Nothing could be_ stickier_ than being stuck in Pirates of the Caribbean with two of our fans…" Joe said.

And so they went into a handy conference-like room. Jack happened to walk briskly past, and then he stopped and turned back.

"Where the devil are you lot going?"

Alex knew the fact that Jack feared her wrath would come in handy some day. "We know them. We need to discuss important things. GOT IT?"

Jack simply nodded and walked away quickly before Alex could do anything else.

Nick laughed. "Seriously. Johnny Depp is like, afraid of you?"

"Long story…" smiled Alex.

Joe sat down and put his feet up on a table. "Oh, we have time," he grinned.

And so a long discussion began. The ice was officially broken. Smashed. _Melted. _Speaking of melting, Katy and Alex were well on their way to becoming just that…

So it turns out the JB had found themselves stuck in a movie the same way our three girls did. _Fighting over the DVD remote. _They had… 'landed' in Tortuga and been had spent the night there…

Kevin was explaining. "Yeah. We had to sleep rough…"

Katy was appalled. "You what?"

"You wouldn't think it. You still look awesome…" Alex was beaming at Joe. He rolled his eyes.

"What, you think Disney's always got people with us, twenty four seven, styling our hair and powdering our noses…"

Everyone burst out laughing except Joe, who has a miraculous gift for keeping a straight face. He continued, "And… now you think that we've been torn apart from the real world, and spent a night on the streets where nobody knows us, our true ugliness would soon show through?"

Alex looked sheepish through her giggles.

Nick looked at Katy and Alex. "I suppose you two haven't been on the streets…"

And so they told the JB about their little adventure. Including all the details. Certainly the most interesting topics were Katy's sexual harassment, Jack's fear of Alex, and what had become of Hazel.

"GOOD GRIEF! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE?" was Joe's response.

"Where's Rob when you need him…" reminisced Nick.

Katy raised an eyebrow. "It's not like we jumped you!"

Joe laughed. "You'd be surprised how many of our fans attempt to 'play it cool'…"

Suddenly, everything went dark! The ship began rocking violently.

"Hmmm, I wonder what's going on outside?" said Alex. She got up and went to the door.

"I don't think that's a good idea," said Nick standing up.

Alex opened the door. It was as if a million people had thrown a million buckets of cold sea water over her. She closed the door quietly. There was silence. She turned to face her friends, dripping wet.

"I suggest…we stay here." She whispered and sat back in her chair.

Meanwhile, Hazel was also experiencing the storm. Pintel, Regetti and their merry men arrived.

"Time to go poppets."

"Time to row poppets."

"Time to die poppets,"

Try saying THAT in an high pitched Irish accent.

So those 3 lines of dialogue sum up what was happened to Hazel and Elizabeth.

After an hour or so of playing Snap and NOT helping Jack, the storm subsided and "Da Crew" ventured out of the cabin. Everyone was lined up along the side of the ship, looking at the ghostly shipwrecks. Alex and Katy went over and had a look too.

"Jack. Are we in Tortuga again?" Katy asked him, deadly serious.

Jack looked at her, turned and went into his cabin, closing the door behind him.

Everybody looked at her, greatly offended. Woops. Meanwhile Will was asking Gibbs irrelevant and pointless questions about Jack. Thought he loved Elizabeth, not Jack. Hmmm.

"Not before he'd gone mad with the heat," Gibbs finished his story.

Will looked into the distance, and nodded understandingly.

"Ahhhhh," he exhaled thoughtfully. "That's the reason for all the…"

Will then gave the best impression of Jack his silly little mind could manage. Of course it was dreadfully over the top. The JB, Katy and Alex were watching this. They laughed hysterically. Will looked embarrassed. He didn't know that many people were watching. Alex was laughing loudest of all.

"Trying to be cool and impress people," Alex said with attitude. "But you can't because you're a…." her voice trailed off as Will look like he was going to ball like a baby.

Gibbs continued as if nothing had happened. "Reason's got nothing to do with it." And Gibbs explained how Jack explained the island. Apparently Jack escaped the island "roping a couple of sea turtles". Will looked confused as he always does.

"What did he use for rope?"

Gibbs was caught out. All of a sudden Jack emerged from his cabin and said "Human hair. From my back."

"EWWW JACK!?" cried Katy.

"Lower the anchor. Young Mister Turner and I are to go ashore."

"I am not staying here. Get. Me. Off. This. Blasted. Ship." said Alex politely like Microsoft Sam. (inside joke). Jack screamed "AHHH! Do what she says!" Sarcastic much? You can never know with Jack.

"She'll summon the Kraken if you don't." Kevin butted in.

Katy looked at him. "Egh. Wrong movie!"

So was going to slap him on the back of head like she would have done if he wasn't related to Joe. Yeah. Katy likes Joe funnily enough.

Jack changed the subject. "Who's going in the boat? There's only room for… I don't know. ONE. Me. I'm sick of these adolescents taking over my ship…."

Katy acted motherly to the distressed Jack as she's always done. "Oh Jack! Shut up. We're all going in the boat."

Gibbs once again popped into sight and gave his knowledgeable advice. "Actually there's only room for five, cap'n."

Jack exhaled heavily. "I can't believe I'm going about _this _with a bunch of hormonal females. And these guys," he said gesturing towards the three brothers. And with that he clambered into the boat in a huff and sat there. "Am I going by myself?" he said to his crew.

"I'll go!" shouted Will. "After all this is the whole reason I'm here." He sat down in the boat.

Katy and Alex looked at each other and silently got into the boat too. There was an empty space. They looked up and smiled.

"Joooooe..." Katy beckoned. Alex patted the seat.

Nick and Kevin sighed. "Adventure time!" cried Joe and jumped excitedly into the boat.

They dropped into the sea and sailed off leaving Nick, Kevin and the rest of the crew staring longingly after the adventurous posse as they rowed into the distance.

* * *


	21. Chapter With Flirting and Buccaneering

**The Chapter With Flirting and Buccaneering **

Soon the troupe was plunged into the darkness of a cave type thing, with only the light of a small lantern to guide them. Joe was helping Jack row because he's just so cute and benevolent (big word, I know), and also Will just looked a little too…'fragile'.

"Joe has lovely strong arms," thought Alex, as she gazed at his biceps. She glanced at Katy and judging from her expression and where she was staring, she was probably thinking exactly the same thing.

Joe knew they were staring at his lovely arms as oppose to Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp, and he was thoroughly enjoying it.

Jack, still in a bit of a sulk, seemed anxious to get to their alleged destination. He also began telling the Turnip the awful truth - he was becoming a pirate.

For most of the journey, Will was just busy gaping at dead bodies and treasure, and arguing with Jack. He wasn't taking this whole "you're going to be a pirate when you finally grow up" idea too well. Neither were Katy and Alex, as they laughed. Will is far too pathetic (at least right now) to be any sort of pirate, even a female one.

He'd make a good _regular_female though.

And what was he complaining about? Being a pirate was awesome! Look how Katy, Hazel, Alex, Joe, Nick and Kevin were embracing their piratey new life-style.

Just as Jack was telling Will he as obsessed with treasure, they arrived.

"That is not true. I am not obsessed with treasure," said Will expressionlessly.

Jack rushed up and looked at where Barbossa's crew had gathered. They were all yelling stuff in a drunken manner. Hazel and Elizabeth were standing beside the huge Aztec chest looking like damsels in distress.

Jack gave Turnip a toothy grin. "Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate," he said, smiling at Hazel and Elizabeth.

"Is he saying woman are just like mere silver and gold?" Katy asked herself out loud, scrambling out of the boat. She was befuddled as she wasn't following their conversation. It seems one can't hear anything whilst one is gazing at a certain guy's glorious, pulsating biceps…

Just across the cave, Barbie was waving his hands about and executing overly dramatic hand gestures. He gave the lid of the chest a rather showy kick and it slid off, magically. Most far-fetched.

"Again, poorly made props," Alex thought, who had now joined Jack and Will with Katy and Joe at a helpful vantage point.

It was funny how Barbossa didn't just get Elizabeth's blood straight away, but had to spend a good ten minutes getting his crew all excited and eager. Quite handy, as it gave our posse time to mess about.

Will was getting himself into a state and eager to just run in there, among immortal, armed pirates and try to take their only chance of becoming mortal again away from them.

He really was an idiot sometimes.

Jack, who was never an idiot, stopped him. "Wait until the opportune moment." Then Jack sundered off somewhere. Turnip followed Jack. As always.

"When's that? When it's the greatest profit to you?"

Jack, with his back to Will, had an expression on his face which simply said "Oh crap."

Katy smirked. Turnip didn't look pleased.

"He's got you all sussed out," Alex and Joe laughed.

Jack rolled his eyes. "May I ask you something?" He briskly pivoted round to Will. "Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?"HE said this with crazy arm movements and he was certainly _very _close to Will. "I know it's difficult for you…" Jack continued.

"That would be correct," Katy nodded.

Jack tried not to grin. He got right up in Turnip's face again. "…but please. Stay here. And try not to do…anything stupid."

And with that, Jack reluctantly left Will to his own devices and ran off somewhere.

By this time, Barbossa had grabbed Elizabeth and it really looked like he was going to slit her throat. Hazel was just standing there, looking awkward. She pondered why she was even here.

Katy and Jack were hiding behind a rock like cats waiting to pounce.

"So…what's the plan?" She asked him.

Before Jack could answer a large 'thump' noise was heard.

Will had come out of nowhere, and he stood looking proud, brandishing an oar from the boat. Jack was on the ground. Unconscious. With a red mark forming on his forehead.

Katy scream-whispered "TURNIP YOU BRAINLESS FOOL!"

Joe and Alex were standing behind him.

"Why… why did you do that?" Joe asked bemused.

Will turned round. "What?"

Of course, Turnip was holding the oar over his shoulder and when he turned, the other end of the long wooden contraption whacked Katy round the head.

She lost conscious and fell on Jack.

Alex did not look pleased. "Will. Put that oar down before you hurt somebody ELSE!"

Turnip dropped the oar. "I just…I didn't want to be his leverage…" he looked at Katy lying on the ground. "Ooh. Oh dear… I'm sorry…"

"You SHOULD BE!" grimaced Alex. "You know when he said don't do anything stupid, Will? He meant that."

Meanwhile Joe was watching the happenings with Elizabeth and Hazel. "Guys…" he pointed.

Will jumped up. "Elizabeth!"

Barbossa had just cut her hand. The disgusting blood soaked medallion was dropped into the chest.

Suddenly there was silence. All the pirates were standing like idiots with their eyes closed, expecting to become mortal again.

"Might be a good idea to make a move now," said Alex who took a handy path behind the mound of treasure to where Elizabeth and Hazel were. Will and Joe ran after her. Katy and Jack were still out cold…

The pirates had now realized they still had the curse and were yelling at Barbie. He smacked Elizabeth when he found out she was lying. Hazel gasped. Ouch.

"What about you? Any relations to BILL TURNER?" Barbossa yelled in a rage.

Hazel grinned at his anger-ment. "You mean… BOOTSTRAP?"

"AYE!" Barbs seemed more excited now. "He your father? Uncle? Anyone?"

"Umm. No. Sorry." Hazel shrugged.

Barbossa did not take that joke well, as Hazel soon found herself lying unconscious beside Elizabeth.

_Dear goodness. This movie has far too much fainting, even before we messed with it._

While Bartoasta's crew were busy blaming each other, our three heros had taken quite and interesting de-tour to get to the damsels in distress. They had climbed up a rock face and were now swimming. Alex had fun while Joe helped her up the rock, caught her when she nearly fell, held her hand…

Will was first to emerge from the surface of the murky water. He seized Elizabeth by the face. She was shocked when she woke up and jumped out of her skin.

Not the way to wake up a woman, Will.

Alex poked Hazel in the ribs. Hazel's eyes shot open. She looked straight at Joe at screamed. Thankfully he had covered her mouth.

Joe and Alex grabbed Hazel and whispered "Explanations later," and with that, they followed Will and Elizabeth, straight for the boats.

They were well on their way out of the cave before they heard Barbs yell "THE MEDALLION! SHE'S TAKEN IT!" etc. So hopefully they would make it.

It probably would have solved quite a few problems if Elizabeth would have just left the medallion with them.

On the boat, Will, Elizabeth, Alex, Hazel and Joe were on their way to the ship. Joe was once again rowing. Will was too busy fussing over Elizabeth's cut up hand.

Alex attempted to explain to Hazel how they had got here and why stupid Will wouldn't let them go back for Katy and Jack who were still in the cave, but most importantly, she had to convince the slightly delirious Hazel that she was really looking at Joe Jonas row her to safety, and he was not a hallucination.

Hazel was on the brink of fainting. It was one thing to be kidnapped by weird pirates. It was quite another to wake up staring into the eyes of Joe, with his hand on your face…

Joe widely smiled randomly. "So hi," he said to Hazel. "You know I'm not a mirage now, right?"

"Uh huh. Sorry." Hazel said awkwardly. "I just didn't think this place could get any better… you know with Johnny Depp and now _you_…"

Joe blushed, which was incredibility cute. Compared to the king of hotness, Mister Johnny Depp.

"I feel like a buccaneer!" he said cutely, with a grin. "Well you know, Nick and Kevin are on the ship as well…"

"ALL of you are here?"

"Mmm hmmm! We come as a package, obviously. So you like Johnny Depp…?"

Alex giggled. "Don't even get her _started_on Johnny Depp,"

"So it must have been cool landing here for you,"

"Oh yeah. Well. My two friends have seen more of him than I have…"

"Oh, Hazel!" Alex exclaimed. "That reminds me!"

"Mmmm? You've suddenly fallen for Jack or something?" Hazel said sarcastically.

Joe giggled. "No. I don't think he's her type somehow…" he winked at Alex.

She was a bit taken aback by Joe's flirtyness. "What? No. He's actually kind of scared of me. Jack is."

"Jack's WHAT?"

"I yelled at him the other night…"

And so they began discussing the events of the night in Tortuga, Will and Elizabeth completely ignoring the two girls. Joe did a good job adding in jokes and such to keep them in high spirits as there was still a _huge_problem - Katy, stuck in a cave with a sluggish pirate who carried one shot, against a few dozen fully armed pirates that can't even die.

…

Katy woke up on Jack. "Déjà vu much…" she thought.

She stood up and looked around. Pirates… they were running everywhere almost as if they were looking for something. She wondered where her friends were…

"Bloody WILL!" grumbled Jack, waking up. He stood up and swayed quite a bit, very drunkish.

"How… how long was I…" he mumbled.

"I think Will hit me too. I don't know…" Katy pondered.

Jack used the oar to steady himself, but he still nearly fell over and grabbed Katy by the shoulder. Of course Katy wasn't expecting it and fell over herself. They both ended up in a giggling heap on the floor. You'd seriously think they'd been drinking LOADS.

"All right!" said Jack eventually once Katy had stopped laughing. "Lets see what the devil's going on in here," and with that he walked straight into the path of a whole group of Barbossa's crew.

"You!" somebody yelled.

"Fantastic, we've been spotted…" Katy thought to herself. "Well done Jack!"

You're supposed to be DEAD!" she heard somebody yell at Jack.

"Am I not?" He looked at himself.

Katy grabbed him. "Lets just back away, slowly…" Then she saw guns and swords pointed at them from behind. Jack simply turned and walked the other way, towards more guns, swords, and angry looking men.

They were trapped.


	22. Katy aggravates and then assaults Barbs

_A note to our lovely readers!_

_Hello my sweet dumplings!_

_It's me Katy! This is the first chapter I have written ALL BY MYSELF and I'm very excited! But before we get down to the excellent storywriting there are a few things I would like to say…_

_1. The way Hazel has written it, it sounds like we all have broad Belfast accents. I asure WE DON'T! We do live in Northern Ireland but Hazel and Alex don't live in Belfast. I do but because I lived in America for 3 years My accent in not broad Belfast but A mixture of normal with an American twang._

_2. I LIKE KEVIN! I don't know where Hazel got the idea that I don't. HE IS AN EXTREMELY NICE GUY! I like Kevin. But not LIKE like him, Ok?_

_3. Thank you to who has been reviewing like crazy for the last few chapters. WE LOVE YOU!_

_4. SOME people don't seem to like the whole "JoBro twist" in the story but as far as we can tell MOST people a) like it or b) don't mind it so PLEASE don't leave us any more comments on how you think it sucks. It's too late they're in now and we can't (and won't) take them out. If you feel you can't read it anymore because of them it's too bad cause your missing out._

_5. I am curious to know who people's favourite characters are (out of the three of us) so let us know!_

_Ok that's it now BACK TO THE STORY OF SUPREME AWESOMENESS!_

_

* * *

_

Katy aggravates and then assaults Barbossa

"Purlay," said Jack still looking a bit drunk.

Katy stared at him. "Say what?"

Jack looked like he was struggling. "Purlaylololeylolo…"

The pirates looked at each other confused.

Katy grabbed Jack and shook him hard. "JACK! TALK SENSE! THESE EVIL PIRATES WHO KIDNAPPED MY FRIEND ARE POINTING GUNS SLASH SWORDS AT UP AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS SPOUT GIBBERISH!"

The pirates who had drawn back, startled by this small teenager's sudden outburst drew themselves up and tried to look threatening and piratey again when they heard there names.

"Purley, purla, parsnip, pars…ley pars, pinapple…"Jack continued

"When your quite done reciting names of foods perhaps you can think of a way to get us out of this mess that is all YOUR FAULT…and possibly the Turnip's!" cried Katy

Suddenly the penny dropped.

"PARLAY!" Katy screamed at Jack

"Parlay! That's the one!" exclaimed Jack pointing excitedly at Katy.

His excitement was catching.

"PARLAY PARLAY PARLAY PARLAY PARLAY!" screamed Katy, jumping up and down.

Now Jack, as well as the pirates were looking at Katy as if she was crazy.

"I don't know why you're staring at me like that," Katy snapped at Jack. "You know what I'm like by now!" She then looked at Pintel. "And to answer the question you are about to ask Neville something invented parley."

And so our gallant heroes consisting of two teenage girls torn between gazing at Joe Jonas's biceps and giving Turnip the evils for leaving behind their best friend, not to mention Jack after hitting them on the head with a giant wooden paddle, a teenage boy who was lapping up the attention he was receiving from the afore mentioned teenage girls, a silly pansie of a feminine Labrador turnip whelp and Elizabeth, still a bit traumatised from her "frightful" experience made their way back to the ship.

When Elizabeth stepped aboard she looked around at the crew. "Not more pirates!" she sighed.

Gosh. Who could ever get sick of pirates?

"Welcome aboard, Miss Elizabeth," said Gibbs

"Mr. Gibbs?" questioned Elizabeth as the rest of this merry posse climbed aboard the ship. Hazel seeing the other two Jonas brothers nearly screamed again but managed to hold it in.

Gibbs, spotting Will, called "Hey boy, where be Jack?"

"And Katy?" added Nick receiving an odd look from Kevin.

"Yes Will. Where ARE Katy and Jack? Hm?" asked Alex sarcastically

"They fell behind…" said Will sheepishly.

Upon hearing this Hazel snapped out of her Jonas Brothers trance.

"Will that is one of the stupidest things you have ever said!"

"Yeah," chimed in Joe "Why don't you tell everyone how you go around clubbing defenceless girls over the head with oars!"

"Not to mention incredibly hot pirates!" added Hazel

"He did what?!" asked Kevin turning to Will "You clubbed one of our fans, and a very cute fan at that, over the head with a big piece of wood?"

"That's pretty low, dude…" said Nick

Will, looking upset at all the abuse he was getting decided it was time to bustle Elizabeth below deck (?).

"Oh we're not finished with you yet!" said Hazel and followed him. She, in turn was followed by Alex, Joe, Kevin and Nick who wanted in on the action.

So there were Jack and Katy standing in the middle of a HUGE amount of pirates half of which were leering at Katy and half of which were avoiding her after her two previous outbursts. Suddenly the crowd of pirates parted to reveal Bartoasta sauntering towards them.

He surveyed Jack and Katy.

"How in blazes did you get of that island?" asked Barbossa. "And where the blazes did you get that… girl?"

The crew looked at Jack awaiting an explanation.

"When you marooned me on that godforsaken spit of land you forgot one very important thing, mate," began Jack.

Barbie looked like he was trying to figure out just what that thing might be.

"He's Captain Jack Sparrow!" Katy butted in.

Barbie looked at her startled. Jack looked irritated.

"Stop doing that!" he said to her obviously annoyed that she had ruined his big moment.

"Well," said Barbossa recovering from his surprise. "That's a mistake I won't be making again." He turned to the crew. "You all remember Captain Jack Sparrow?" he asked.

The crew growled their agreement.

"Kill him. The girl too. There's something un-natural about a girl with hair that size."

"It's not that big!" said Katy

"It is," said Jack "Un-naturally so…"

The crew nodded and then cocked their guns.

"Wait!" Barbossa cried suddenly. He turned to Katy.

"You wouldn't happen to be any relation to Bootstrap Bill Turner, would you?"

"No, sorry," replied Katy.

"Thought not," said Barbossa. "Oh, well. Resume what you were doing, men."

Jack glared at Katy.

"What?" she asked.

"Why didn't you just tell him you were Bootstrap's relative?" he asked exasperated.

"Because he would have cut my hand open, smear my blood all over a piece of plastic-looking gold and when it didn't work kill us anyway! And I don't want to die with a sore hand! Dying will be painful enough!"

Jack pondered this for a second. "Don't be so selfish," he retorted

"ME?" asked Katy, outraged. "This coming from the man who…"

"ENOUGH!" yelled Barbossa . "Just kill them and get it over with. I can't take much more of that incessant whining!"

"Well that's just rude," said Katy. "What kind of a way is that to treat a poor girl who's been whacked over the head with a big piece of wood by a big stupid Turnip?"

Barbossa was again looking at her as if she was crazy.

"Look, let's get back to the matter at hand!" cried Jack. He turned to Barbossa.

"The girls blood didn't work did it?" said Jack looking smarmy again.

"To help you out," said Katy. "We know whose blood you need. Stupid Turnip…" she said the last bit under her breath.

Barbossa looked bemused.

"You're coming with us, Barbie!" yelled Katy, giving Barbossa a big slap on the back that nearly knocked his teeth out.

Back on the ship Hazel, Alex, Joe, Nick and Kevin were sitting below deck watching Elizabeth and Will have their little "Romantic" moment.

"Do you think it's going well?" asked Nick.

"Well he just bandaged her hand for her so that means she will be grateful to him," said Hazel. "But it's Turnip so he'll probably mess it up…somehow."

"He might club her over the head…" said Alex still glaring at Will.

"Teenage girl beater…" muttered Joe, also glaring at Will.

"Dude, why do you care?" asked Kevin

"It's a matter of principle," said Joe. "She was a Jonas Brothers Fan!"

"True," said Nick.

Will was now examining the medallion.

"Actually it well might be Elizabeth's fault this doesn't work out…" said Hazel.

Elizabeth left the room in a huff.

"I'm not sure whose fault that was…" said Kevin.

_Long Pause_

"Awkward!" said Joe.


	23. A Tale of Two Ships

Hello readers

_Hello readers!_

_Tis' I, Alex! It appears to be my turn to write a chapter (we actually have a schedule) but before I start I have a couple of things to say._

_There have been MANY exciting developments behind the scenes here in HQ. Some even I did not expect. I believe Hazel has been scheming whilst in Spain._

_But I would just like to personally thank all of you who are reviewing this. WE LOVE REVIEWS! Apart from the nasty ones but that goes without saying. I especially like the review from Supernatural.Love saying that "I should rule the world". I agree. You have good taste._

_BTW, we have a poll on our profile page so please vote for your favourite character there!_

_And also I find it hard translating pirate lingo so sorry if I get some of it wrong._

_But now I shall crack on with the story. Can't wait to show you all our ideas. THERE ARE MANY!_

A Tale of Two Ships

Meanwhile on board the Pearl, Katy and Jack were having a "pleasant" chat with ole 'Toasty.

Something about being marooned on an island and stealing ships from each other is what Katy gathered, who was noisily munching on an apple.

"So you expect to leave me standing on some beach with nothin' but a name and watch you sail away on my ship." laughed Barbossa.

_Yes, Barbossa that was EXACTLY our plan. How clever you are, you sweet little pirate, you!_ thought Katy to herself.

She really didn't want to be there. Her two best friends were currently livin' it up with the Jonas Brothers on the other ship. Now she knew how Hazel felt.

"No." answered Jack. "I expect to leave you on some beach with absolutely no name at all, watching ME sail away in MY ship and then I'll shout the name back to you."

"Savvy?" finished Katy, leaning across the table.

Jack still wondered how she knew what he was going to do next. And how she always wound up with him. _All she does is sexually harass me and steal my bandanas and…_

"Ooooh! Look at the monkey! Can I hold him? Pleeeease?" Katy interrupted, clasping her hands and looking adoringly at Jack the monkey.

Jack rolled his eyes. He sat down and lifted an apple.

"I am the only one who hasn't committed mutiny and therefore my word is the one we'll be trusting. In fact, if you hadn't betrayed me and left me to die, I'd have a share in that curse too, wouldn't I?"

He bit into the apple.

"Funny old world, innit?" He said between chews.

Barbie nodded. He was stumped.

Suddenly, a large pirate came through the door. "Captain, we're coming up on the Interceptor."

"AT LAST!" sighed Katy. She, Jack, Barbs, unknown large pirate and Jack the monkey all rushed up on deck.

Katy and Jack peered over the side of the ship to see the Interceptor in the distance.

"What say, if I scurry over to the Interceptor and I negotiate the return of your medallion?" said Jack to Barbossa.

_Ha, nice try, Jack._

"What say, you just let _me_ back on the Interceptor and you can do whatever you like with Jackie here." said Katy, patting Jack on the back.

They looked at Katy.

"No?" she feigned surprise. "Ah well." She said looking longingly back at the ship her friends were on.

She and Jack the monkey went back to the side of the boat and threw her apple core over board. They watched it bob around in the water for a while when she noticed her reflection in the water.

_Okay, my hair's not THAT big, _she thought, patting it. _Do you think my hair's big?_ Blank expression from Jack the Monkey

Suddenly, a pirate grabbed her arm and began dragging her and Jack into the brig. Brake? (Is that right? Again the anatomy of a pirate ship continues to baffle me)

"What did you say THIS time, Jack?" She gave him The Evil Eye while they were thrown into a cell.

"And here we are again." Sighed Jack looking at the cell around him.

"Yes but not for sexual harassment, my good friend." nodded Katy and sat down.

Back on the Interceptor, things weren't as rosy as Katy thought. There was a lot of bustling about on deck, as Elizabeth and then Hazel, Alex, Joe, Kevin and Nick emerged from below.

"The Black Pearl is gaining on us!" shouted Gibbs above the noise.

"Katy!" Hazel and Alex cried.

"That fan of ours!" cried the Jonas Brothers.

"And also Jack!" they all cried.

Elizabeth yelled something about shoals and then the crew began throwing things overboard.

"Everything we can afford to lose!" commanded Gibbs.

"All the poorly made props, you mean!" said Alex.

But soon everybody was throwing barrels and other nautical type items in to the water and good fun it was too.

Unfortunately, the girls did not have time to oggle at the boys' muscular arms for too long. About half a dozen oars protruded out of the Black Pearl. They were rowing towards them.

Will emerged later. Must have been avoiding work again.

"So Will, what were you doing down there?" asked Joe. "Hitting poor defenseless girls on the head with wooden things?"

"Let it go, Joe!" rhymed Alex accidentally.

"You're a poet and you didn't know it!" laughed Hazel.

All this rhyming released Joe's inner rap artist and he began to rap:

"We're throwin' boxes over board to stop the Pearl

And hopefully get back Jack Sparrow and the girl

Pass me a box, pass me a barrel,

And I would like 4 consonants and vowel, please Carol."

Everyone fell about laughing. Apart from Will who looked startled and offended. So he scurried off and looked back at the Pearl. Generally being unhelpful. Again.

All this barrel-lifting was hard on Alex's shoulder which still hadn't completely recovered from the bullet wound.

"I need to stop." She said, setting down the crate and nursing her shoulder.

Everyone stopped throwing stuff. The frantic mood had instantly changed.

"What's wrong?" asked Hazel.

Alex explained the shooting the other day as she rolled up her sleeve and scrutinized the gash.

"It's re-opened again." She said through gritted teeth as the cold sea air blew over it and made it sting.

"I'll get Will." Said Kevin and he rushed off to get him.

Kevin and Will arrived back, Will jollily swinging the medical kit.

"This makes a change from you actually wounding the girls, Will." Said Joe who reached for Alex's hand.

Hazel and Alex raised their eyebrows at each other at Joe's sudden romantic action.

Will took out some cleanser what-not, cleaned the wound and re-bandaged it. When he finished, he sat back and looked at the Pearl.

"We have to fight." He stood up and went over to Gibbs. "Load the guns!"

"They can't bomb the ship! Jack and Katy are in there!" Hazel cried. But Gibbs had already made the order.

Alex reluctantly slid her hand out of Joe's and went to protest with Hazel. "STOP!" she cried.

"Exactly!" Elizabeth said. "Lower the anchor on the right hand-side."

Blank looks.

"THE STARBOARD SIDE!"

"Your daft! You both are!" said Anna Maria.

"Daft like Jack." Gibbs smiled. "Lower the starboard anchor!" he ordered.

And so the anchor was lowered…


	24. Gun Handling and Déjà Vu

_**HELLO MY LOVELYS**_

_Alas, it is me. And I would like to celebrate the fact that we have reached over FIFTY reviews!!_

_-celebrates-_

_I would like to thank each and every one of our beautiful reviewers for making this dream possible. I am full of gratefulness. _

_And YES I have been scheming in Spain but not nearly as much as Katy and Alex have been with each other back home. I'm a little scared at what those two are concocting. _

_One LAST thing – only grannies and spectacularly boring people watch Countdown. I personally can not stand it. Please refrain from thinking we actually watch that show. Please. _

_You may read the chapter now._

…

**Gun Handling and Déjà Vu**

An uncomfortable silence followed shortly the anchor lowering. The Interceptor violently lurched to one side. Alex and Hazel stumbled into Nick, Joe and Kevin who were desperately holding hold to some ropes. They all clutched each other so as not to be thrown overboard. Their ship had grinded to a halt and made a rough U-turn, and the Black Pearl came speeding towards them even faster.

Hazel, Alex and the Jonas Brothers ended up on a heap on the floor. They saw the Pearl approach and were each handed guns by Gibbs, without a word.

They just looked at each other. Did any of them have experience in gun-usage? No.

Kevin was studying his weapon. "This will be interesting…" he muttered.

…

Meanwhile back onboard the Pearl, Katy and Jack were having some déjà vu as they sat, hopeless, in the brig. Jack wanted to get to the bottom of how Katy always knew what he was going to do/say next.

"Just tell me already!" Jack demanded.

Katy sighed. "You'll _never _understand. Or believe me," and she went back to her ipod.

Jack was intrigued. "Is that a challenge?"

"That's a promise," she stated bluntly.

Jack knew she wasn't just messing around now. He tried again. "You'd be surprised at what I'd believe…"

"Trust me. You would never believe this. Not you, not _anyone _here…" she looked gloomy for a few seconds. "Except my friends, we're all in the same boat… so to speak."

Jack considered this. "Who exactly?" If Jack couldn't get information out of her, he would get some out of her friends.

"You know, Hazel, Alex…" She was about to list the Jonas Brothers but paused. "Don't get any ideas, Jack."

Jack contrived surprise. "I would never, love."

She glowered at him with malice. "You _would_, you're just a scheming, sly..."

The ship abruptly veered to one side cutting her off.

Jack rebalanced himself and smirked at Katy. "Yes? Sly….?"

Katy didn't persist with her rant, but sat in a huff. Jack meanwhile looked out a small hole on the ship's side.

Soon a heck of a lot of gunfire and shots were heard. They had caught up with the Interceptor.

Katy briskly came out of her huff and looked out the small hole with Jack. "No, they can't FIRE!" she was furious. "Hazel and Alex and…" she thought of Joe's biceps. What if he got shot in the _bicep?_ She squirmed.

Jack unexpectedly grabbed Katy and threw her to the other side of the brig as a canon was fired directly towards them. A gaping hole was left in the ship's side, right beside them.

"STOP BLOWING HOLES IN MY SHIP!" Jack yelled.

"STOP THROWING _ME_ AROUND YOUR SHIP!" shouted Katy.

Jack stopped trying to get rum out of Gibb's empty bottle that had magically appeared, and stared at her. "Again, I saved your life, and again, _this_ is the thanks I get?"

Katy rubbed her shoulders where he had seized her. "That _hurt._" She peeled back a sleeve. Angry red nail shaped marks formed. She was outraged. "Look at that! That's going to turn into such an attractive bruise tomorrow. _Thanks."_ She said spitefully.

"Oh I'm sorry, I should have considered the appearance of your ever-so-perfect skin before I prevented your head from being blown off," was his sarcastic, angry reply.

Silence.

Jack noticed Katy was always obsessive about not getting hurt, whether it be not getting her hand sliced up by Barbie, or the current circumstances. He decided to spend the remainder of his time in here with her getting to the bottom of her deep, physiological problem…

He turned round and saw she was gone. The door of the brig was swinging freely and the lock blown off.

"It's really time I stopped caring for other people…" he said to himself, swaggering out of the cell.

…

Meanwhile on the Interceptor, things were crazy. Smoke from gunpowder was everywhere, blurring vision.

Joe had figured out how to aim, fire and reload, and in the craziness he was conducting 'How To Shoot People And Not Die' lessons which consisted of Kevin beat-boxing, Nick drumming a little rhythm with his hands, and Joe rapping about the delicate art of shooting people:

"Ya gots ta aim at da pirate, pull the trigger,

Even your granny could figure,

But then ya gotta duck so they don't shoot back,

Next ya wanna reload, take 'em bullets from da pack,

Slot that hommie right inside your gun,

Twist and pull this thingy, and repeat from step one."

Again Joe's magical power caused everyone within listening distance to giggle uncontrollably. He added some much needed humour to the potentially fatal conditions; however, it took Alex and Hazel some time to master this technique, what with being female and not mechanically minded at all. In the meantime, they were told to stay close to the boys - much to their delight. The closest they got to actually being involved in the brawling was pointing their guns at anybody who came near them.

They wondered why Turnip wasn't up here, pathetically attempting to protect them.

"_Probably hiding below deck, sleeping and having dreams about harassing donkeys again and generally being un-useful."_ Thought Alex.

But who needs Turnip when you have all three Jonas Brothers?

Soon the evil pirates had overwhelmed the number of good pirates. Hazel reminded Alex it didn't turn out good.

"Alex, you know how this ends…"

"Yes. We get captured. Their efforts are futile." She said glumly, pointing at Nick, Joe and Kevin who were desperately trying to defend them.

"Maybe we should help them."

"You don't know how to use a gun, Hazel!"

Hazel raised an eyebrow at Alex. "Unlike you, I was actually listening to Joe whilst he explained; you were just gawping at him. _You're_ the one who doesn't know how to use a gun."

And with that, she grabbed her weapon and went shooting. Alex would have followed her but A: Hazel was right, and B: she had an irrational fear of crossfire thanks to being shot herself in one not so long ago.

Alex, feeling more susceptible, decided to tear herself away from the struggling brothers and slip away below deck where hopefully she'd be safer.

"I'm going downstairs!" she yelled at Kevin, who happened to be closest to her.

"Okay. You'll be safer there…" then Kevin turned to shoot a pirate, who fell backwards off the ship. A good shot.

Nick came over. "Where's Hazel?"

"She went to go fight apparently," replied Alex, and then she ran for the steps leading below deck.

"SHE WHAT?" Joe yelled.

"Dude, she'll be fine, your lesson was… informative" Nick reassured him.

Joe didn't look reassured. He noticed Alex wasn't there either. "Where did Alex say she was going?"

"Below."

Joe looked like he wanted to follow her. He was indecisive, wavering between the steps leading below deck and his brothers toiling with their guns. A pirate whacked him round the head, disturbing his thoughts.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!!" Joe yelled, aiming his gun at the head whacker.

…

And again, we swap to Katy and Jack.

Jack had followed the annoying girl with 'un-naturally' curly hair out of the brig, onto the deck and found her hiding under some steps with Jack the Monkey. He decided to leave her there, and go fetch the medallion so that he could use it as leverage to negotiate with Barbie.

He snatched a rope away from a drunken pirate. Said pirate fell. "Thanks very much!" Jack called to him.

Then Katy noticed him.

"JAAAAAACK!" she screamed.

Jack sighed and turned towards her.

"I need to get over there too!" Katy had puppy dog eyes.

Jack was confused. "And you want _me_ to do what, precisely?"

"You know I can't swing on ropes..."

"Fly then," Jack said shrugging, and with that he went swinging into the distance.

Katy was exasperated, tired, and hungry, but all the same, there was nothing left on this ship for her. She grabbed a rope, and launched herself off the Pearl, thinking happy thoughts to stop her from screaming like a maniac.

She was lucky, as she landed right in the middle of all three Jonas Brothers.

"Katy?" Nick knelt down to her. (She was lying on the floor, of course).

"We nearly _killed _Will for hitting you with that paddle, by the way." Joe added.

"Are you OK?" asked Kevin.

Katy smiled and sat up. "I… I think so…" she stuttered, trying to sound as vulnerable as possible. There wasn't much time for them to make a huge fuss over her, as Nick, Joe and Kevin were gradually being weakened by fighting far too many immortal pirates. Soon a whole group of pirates captured all four of them and they were taken back to the Pearl. _"So much for my courageous rope swinging,"_ thought Katy.

She thought the Jonas Brothers might hopefully make a fuss of her on the Pearl whilst in captivity, but unfortunately, this time she was quite unlucky as they were tied up at opposite ends of the ship. She silently fumed and wondered what had become of our other two fangirls who were left on the Pearl – Alex and Hazel.

_One Last Thing…_

_I don't know a THING about to anatomy of a gun, and Joe's rap is probably not accurate at all._

_Again, a lot of non-correctness, but the purpose of the rap was for humour. I hope I succeeded. _

_Please review for me, pumpkins. _

_Thank you._


	25. We Are Reunited! And There’s Chemistry…

_Hola_

_It's Hazel again. I would like to dedicate this chapter to the fact that in exactly 2 weeks time I will be back home and be __**actually **__reunited with my friends. I MISS YOU!! –sadness—_

_Love you munckins._

_Now continue reading!_

…

**We Are Reunited! And There's Chemistry…**

Remember when Alex went below deck for safety reasons? She bumped into Will, who strangely enough wasn't having weird and wonderful dreams about donkeys; instead he was recklessly searching for the fake-looking piece of gold medallion.

Alex was exhausted and tried to sleep, but the quiet mood changed quite dramatically when something huge crashed outside, and suddenly, the room was flooding.

Alex panicked. "Turnip, dear, I don't want to alarm you, but have you noticed… IT'S FLOODING IN HERE AND WE'RE STUCK!" she yelled.

"We're not stuck," Will told himself as he tried to open the trapdoor. Unsuccessfully.

"WE _ARE_ STUCK AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

The whelp was startled and gave Alex his confused Labrador expression.

"GOSH WILL!" Alex continued. "I thought I'd be safe down here but NOOOOO! We're going to DROWN!"

Will stared. The only other time Alex used that tone of voice was in Tortuga with Jack. He racked his tiny brain for a witty comeback: "Um… It… well it's not my fault…"

"WELL DONE, WILL!!" she screamed at him sarcastically. "I DO know that! It's just you're the only person down here I can complain to!"

And so they sat in silence, and then treaded water, watched the monkey steal the medallion, then shouted at Elizabeth through some holes. At long last, Will came up with an escape plan. Alex was certain it wouldn't work but swam after him.

…

Back upstairs, everyone was being captured.

Hazel was _still _fighting.

One particularly ugly man grabbed her shoulder, she turned round, about to whack him round the head. But somebody had seized said ugly man's sword yielding hand, saving Hazel from becoming sword slashed.

"Jack?"

He grinned. "That's not very nice," Jack said arrogantly to the ugly man about to hack at Hazel.

She responded by hitting the guy so hard with her gun he somehow fell backwards, overboard. Jack looked impressed but quickly turned his attention back to Hazel. He ran at her, and pulled her down away from the crossfire.

"Are you all right, love?"

"Oh, I'm just peachy, Jack. And yourself?" she said scornfully. It seemed like such a stupid question.

"Barbossa didn't hurt you?"

Hazel was all too aware of the commotion and panic surrounding them; she was barely listening to him. "As flattered as I am with your new found interest in people _other_ than yourself, I thinkwe could probably have this conversation later…"

He suddenly clutched her arms tightly. "The bastard didn't touch you AT ALL?" he looked at her with an intense seriousness. It seemed the background screams and gunshots became muffled and quiet.

"Umm, no…" Hazel was taken aback at his expression.

"Sure?" He stared straight into her blue eyes.

She nodded. "Yes..."

"Okay." He slowly relaxed his grip. "Happen to know the medallion's whereabouts, so the mass brawling can stop?"

"I think Will had it… but knowing him, he's probably lost it."

"That sounds about right," he said sighing. He looked behind Hazel's head. "Monkey!" he cried, pointing.

"Come again?"

Jack at last let go of Hazel and ran after a small creature clutching the piece of gold. Bloody Will. Only he could lose something like that to a _monkey. _

Hazel watched Jack look like an idiot chasing the animal as she went through that peculiar conversation again in her head. Her thoughts were rudely disturbed as no fewer than three pirates brutally snatched her away onto the Black Pearl. They just had to grab everything, the hair, and dress…

She heard a conversation between Jack and Barbossa.

"Thank ye, Jaaaaaaack," Barbossa said, smirking at him, holding the medallion.

Jack smiled sincerely. "You're welcome,"

"Oh, not you, we named the monkey Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaack." Barbossa growled.

Jack, (the pirate) winced.

"He really has to learn how to properly pronounce Jack's name," Hazel whispered to herself.

"I know. It's getting rather annoying." said Katy.

"Katy?" Hazel just noticed her, tied up to the same mast thing as she was. She hadn't seen her in days. "KATY!! KAAATYYY!! You're alive! And something about a tattoo and… and… And Turnip whacked you with a paddle? And… and…"

"Yeah... I came with Jack and Barbie here, from the cave,"

Hazel remembered the film. "Ahh… with the Parley bit?"

"Yep. I had the…"

"GENTS! OUR HOPE IS RESTORED!" Barbie yelled, interrupting her.

Cheers all round. Many rolled eyes from our teenagers.

Katy loudly cleared her throat. "AS I WAS SAYING, I had the courage to swing over here for the _second _timebecause…"

"A second time? Good grief, what on earth did you too get up to?"

"Long story… oh, my word Hazel, we had such an _interesting_ time getting here, with Alex getting herself shot… and oh, HAZEL!" She seemed excited. "Jack is TOTALLY…" Katy then noticed Jack not so far away from them, definitely listening in to their conversation. "Emm. I'll tell you later…"

"Hmm. So much for a rescue…" Hazel said trying to loosen the tight rope around her wrists. "So the Jonas Brothers are here? How did that happen?"

"Same way we got here… with the remote…"

"Oh yeah. Well. I can only imagine how you reacted."

"Quite possibly WORSE than how you did. And we didn't have anyone to calm us down…"

Hazel suddenly remembered someone. "Wait, we're here, Nick, Joe and Kevin are here…" she gestured to the other side of the ship. "But WHERE IS ALEX?"

"Oh no… he blows up the ship…" Katy fretted.

They both wondered whatever had happened to their dear red headed one, and watched, waiting for the other ship to explode. Sure enough, it did, quite noisily and dramatically. Everyone looked shocked and despairing. Katy and Hazel truly hoped Alex was not floating among the shipwreck...

Elizabeth hastily launched herself at Barbossa, thinking Will had just died. Joe soon joined her.

"YOU KILLED A JONAS FAN!" Joe screamed at him. Barbie threw Elizabeth at his crew then stared at Joe.

Barbie was bewildered. "I killed a… who now?"

"IT'S A MATTER OF PRINCIPLE, DUDE!" Nick shouted, coming out of nowhere.

Kevin felt left out and decided to join in. "YEAH, DUDE! Principles… duh."

Ole 'Toasty was baffled at being called a 'dude', and just looked at the brothers strangely.

Hazel noticed somebody climb up the side of the ship. It was a wet looking Turnip.

"YOU!" Katy pointed at him angrily. "YOU! SILLY, LITTLE BOY!" She started walking up to him. "WHERE IS…"

They saw Alex climb up behind Will.

"Alex!" Katy and Hazel squealed happily at her.

Alex looked wet and cold. She went over to her friends.

"Well _finally_, we're all together again…" Hazel said.

"Of course," said Katy smiling.

"Well, no party is complete without a redhead!" Alex cried.

Cue cheesy group hug.

They turned their attention to the Whelp.

"ELIZABETH GOES FREE!" William yelled, again and again. Elizabeth seemed slightly happier he was alive. Turnip was generally making a fool out of himself, threatening to shoot Barbie, even himself, despite Jack yet again telling him not to do anything stupid.

"Who _are_ you?" Barbossa was confused. He's been confused a lot lately…

Jack ran forward. "Nobody, he's nobody! He's a distant cousin of my aunt's nephew… twice removed!" he nodded.

"Suuureee, Jack. That sounds believable." Alex tutted.

Jack continued. "Lovely singing voice though… eunuch." He gestured to Will.

"Now that's a heck of a lot more realistic," said Hazel.

And so Will explained who he was, all too proudly.

Finally the Turnip made a deal with Barbie. If Elizabeth and the 'girls' go free and the crew are not harmed, then he would gladly let Barbossa borrow a few drops of his blood.

Unfortunately, he was an idiot. Yes, he had helped Alex escape the about-to-explode ship, but he should have learnt to be more specific, as he had failed to specify when or where Hazel, Alex, Katy, and Elizabeth were going 'free', leaving Barbie to choose a deserted island.

Thanks to that feminine, dim-witted, Labrador gazing, whiny, simpleton pansy of a Turnip whelp – Will TUNER. Yes, tuner.

_(any more words to describe Will would be greatly appreciated…)_

So as our fangirls were complaining about how stupid Will was, and what would become of them on the island, Jack happened to saunter over. It appeared that nobody was tied up anymore and they were free to roam the ship for a while.

"What's happening, lovelys?" Jack asked loudly with a presumptuous expression.

"Oh, nothing. We're just contemplating the fact that we're going to be left for dead soon…" Katy replied grimly.

"Yes. With _you_." Alex hissed at him.

Jack nodded understandingly. "Exactly. Who knows what _she'll_…" Jack gestured to Alex, "…do to me."

Hazel rolled her eyes. She was sick of hearing this. "Jack! Get it in your head; she's not as bad as you think."

"_You _didn't see what she did to me in Tortuga…" Jack shuttered.

"You are unbelievable! She_ just_ yelled at you."

"Just yelled?" he cried. Jack searched for the correct term to describe Alex. "A _woman_ scorned like… which fury hell hath no?" he mumbled hesitantly. "Or something to that effect…"

Alex looked offended.

Hazel ignored his crazed ramblings. "Given the circumstances, I would have yelled at you too."

He smirked. "Sure, love…"

"I would have!" retorted Hazel. "Apparently you were acting…"

"_You_ wouldn't yell at _me_," he said smugly, cutting her off.

"I might now!" she said raising her voice.

Katy told them to shut up. She was getting sick of their never-ending bickering, and went over to talk to the Jonas Brothers with Alex.

Hazel was irritated. "Well, thanks for driving my friends away."

"No problem." He grinned.

"I can't believe I'm about to be stuck on an island with _you_." She sighed irritably. Yes, previously she would have loved this idea, but right now Jack was just extraordinarily annoying.

"We're not _stuck_, love. It's just a minorsetback, we'll get off." said Jack arrogantly.

Hazel looked at him. She was morbid with the thought of slowly starving to death on a small, desert island, but needed hope. "Possibly, but…"

"Probably," he corrected her. "It's not _that _bad, dearie, we do have rum…"

Hazel was outraged with his carefree attitude concerning the situation. She fought back with some heavy sarcasm. "Oh, goodie. Rum just makes _everything_ better."

He simply beamed at her. "Finally, Hazel darling, you understand me! Rum _does _make everything better," he winked.

She gave him a harsh glare but he just grinned proudly at her. His smarm was irritating, but infectious. Just as Hazel was about to reply with an ever-so-witty comeback of her own, she was grabbed and by some hideous pirates. She noticed the ship was no longer moving, and looked off the side of the Pearl, towards the distance, and there was the island.

…

_You know what you want to do now don't you, dumplings?_

_It begins with the letter '__**R**__'…_

_-hypnotizes all readers into__** reviewing**__-_

_Did my hypnotizing skills work??_

_xxx_


	26. The Island Extravaganza

**The Island Extravaganza.**

Barbossa walked up and down the line of girls to be marooned. "See shame to loss something to fine, don't it lads!" he spurred his crew on. Hazel, Katy, Alex and Elizabeth looked disgusted. Barbie then grabbed Elizabeth and shoved her over to a plank.

"Cliché, much!" criticized Alex.

"I know. Walking the plank. Very original," Hazel said sullenly.

The pirates pointed their swords and shooed Elizabeth away. She struggled to keep her balance as she slowly walked the length of the thin bit of wood, swaying over the sea.

The Whelp came out of nowhere and started protesting. Didn't see _that _one coming...

"BARBOSSA, YOU LYING BASTARD!" Will yelled. "You swore she'd go free!"

-shocked looks-

Nobody thought Turnip was capable of that sort of dreadful language. Barbossa looked especially angry.

DON'T DARE IMPUGN ME HONOUR BOY!" yelled Barbs. "I agreed she'd go free but it was you who failed to specify when or where," he laughed.

Will was bewildered and gagged.

Barbossa turned back to Elizabeth. "So I'll be having that dress back before you go…"

Crazy excitable laughter ensued as Elizabeth angrily took off the dress. She was wearing a thing underneath it, by the way.

Hazel looked down at her own dress, which was also a Barbossa Original. _(can you just imagine Barbs designing clothes?)_

"Uh oh."

Katy had an idea. "Just take it off now while everyone's looking at Elizabeth."

"Yes. Good plan," nodded Alex, as Hazel struggled to get the thing off.

Katy's idea did work, to a certain degree, as Alex noticed just one person watching Hazel. Of _course_ it was Jack.

"Pervert…" Alex hissed under her breathe.

Hazel had just got the dress off. "What was that?"

"Oh, nothing…" she mumbled.

Meanwhile, Elizabeth was hesitating to jump off the Pearl. Mr Large Pirate (remember him?) lost his patience, stamped the plank with his foot, and she fell off. Screaming was heard.

Hazel was next in line. Large Pirate grabbed her. Hazel shook his hand off, marched up to Barbossa, threw the dress in his face and walked over to the plank. Swords were pointed in her face.

She looked at Barbossa with hatred. "Well, Barbie, I'd think you would have come up with something more imaginative. Walking the plank is just _sooo _last century."

Barbs was once again stumped. "I've always been one for tradition," he snarled. "Off you go,"

Hazel gazed at the Jonas Brothers for one last time, and finally dived into the sea.

Barbossa sighed. "This is going to take forever…"

To save time Mr Large Pirate grabbed Katy, Alex _and _Jack and shooed them all towards the plank.

"I'd really rather hoped we were past all this…" Jack said to Barbie.

Bartoasta put an arm around him. "Jaaaack. Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Did you not notice? That be the same island we made you governor of on our last little trip."

Jack looked out at the island for a second. "I did notice."

"Perhaps you can conjure up another miraculous escape. But I doubt it."

Jack ignored him. "I'll be having my pistol with one shot now… and seeing as there's five of us, a _gentlemen _would give us no fewer than five pistols."

Barbie gave Jack a look that said "As if!"

Jack grinned. "Oh, and I think I might just conjure up another escape. You see, Hector, you are just making another idiotic mistake."

Barbs was annoyed. "Really, I think I ought to be…"

"No actually. See, you are marooning me with no fewer than _four _lovelygirls..." Jack grinned.

"Your point being?" Barbie looked miffed.

"They happen to be the Governor of Port Royal's daughters and nieces. The _entire_ navy will be searching for them," Jack looked smug.

Barbie was angry, and simply threw Jack's one pistol into the sea. Jack dived for it.

Katy and Alex were left lingering near the plank. They were looking longingly at the Jonas Brothers.

"Off you go, ladies."

Katy stepped onto the swaying piece of wood and took another opportunity to cannonball in.

Alex just watched. She didn't like the water after the whole fainting thing with the jagged rocks a few days ago… Suddenly Nick, Joe and Kevin wriggled free of their restraints and ran forwards.

"If we die, WE'RE DYING TOGETHOR!" Joe yelled, throwing himself into the water, shortly followed by Nick.

Kevin didn't quite make it, and was seized just before he dived off the side of the Pearl.

Alex felt sorry for him, separated from his brothers. Suddenly, Barbossa grabbed her. "All right, I think that's enough marooning for one day!" And gestured for her and Kevin to be put in the brig.

Alex was outraged. "Why do you have to split us up AGAIN?" She asked through gritted teeth.

"Nothing personal, miss," started Barbie. "But I think I've given Jack too much company… it's more fun if I know he died _alone_."

Alex did not understand this logic. There were already six people marooned. What difference would she and Kevin make?

Then she realized he was just doing it for sheer badness.

So Will, who was sitting all by his lonesome, was joined by Alex and Kevin in the brig. The rest of the Pearl's crew were put in the cage next to them. They sat in silence, listening to their thoughts.

Meanwhile, Katy, Hazel, Elizabeth, Nick, Joe and Jack had swum to the island. Immediately there was panic.

"Where's Kevin?"

Where's ALEX?

"What happened to dying together…?" Joe asked himself sadly.

"Barbossa just loves to separate happy families." said Jack irately. "He knew we'd have too much fun if he let us all go."

"How charming of him," Hazel mumbled.

Katy was having issues. "I WANT MY ALEX!" she squealed, throwing herself down onto the sand. She grabbed the closest thing to her, which happened to be Nick's legs.

Nick looked awkward. Katy wasn't letting go, and he was stuck, standing there.

Joe laughed. "This is just like that fan at our concert that time in Ohio, remember?"

Nick simply nodded uncomfortably. Katy was clinging on for dear life, shouting stuff about Alex and being stranded and her hair. Poor Nick tried to move slightly but Katy only screamed louder.

Hazel sighed. She knew it was time to treat Katy like a 3 year old having a temper tantrum again.

She knelt down to her and spoke with the voice she used for very small children. "Katy, I know things are difficult now, but…"

"THINGS ARE ALWAYS DIFFICULT!" she shrieked, digging her nails into Nick. He looked like he was in pain.

"I know, I know dear. Shhhh. It's alright," Hazel said soothingly. "It's okay. You've seen the movie, haven't you? We'll get off tomorrow and go see our friend Alex. Would you like that?"

Katy loosened her grip slightly.

Hazel smiled. "See? And we'll have lots of fun while we're here…"

Joe soon caught on to what Hazel was trying to do.

"Yes, Katy," he putting on his 'talking-to-little-kids' voice. "Lots of fun! It's not every day you get marooned on a deserted island with me and Nick… none of our fans have _ever _had that privilege."

"Re…really?" Katy seemed amazed, just like a child discovering something new.

Joe nodded. "Really."

It seemed like they were getting somewhere.

"Think of how jealous people will be when we go home and tell them this story!" said Hazel. "See? We're really lucky!"

It took a _lot_ of talk like this until Katy finallylet Nick slide out of her grip. He quickly got himself out of her reach encase she grabbed for him again.

Joe and Hazel high-fived.

"I used to have to do that with Frankie a lot."

Hazel nodded. "Yeah, I don't have any younger siblings but Katy's just… Katy."

"I know," he said laughing. "We are such _parents_."

"True." All that was running through Hazel's mind was the strange thought of Joe being her husband and Katy as their child.

Whilst all this was going on, Elizabeth had dandered round the island and Jack had hung his boots up on a couple of sticks, and proceeded to examine his gun.

"Really not all that big is it?" Jack said in response to Elizabeth's walking.

"If you're going to shoot me please do so without delay." She seemed really uptight.

Katy came running over. "That's not fair, there's only one bullet. I should get shot!"

Nick rolled his eyes at his brother. "Fifteen minutes stranded and we're already fighting over the bullet."

Joe nodded. "We're going to have problems, dude…"

Jack ignored all this. "Is there a problem between us, Miss Swann?"

She glared at him. "You were going to tell Barbossa about Will in exchange for a_ ship_."

Hazel felt the need to steal Jack's lines. "We could_ use_ a ship, Lizzie!"

Jack glanced her, bemused, but continued what he was going to say. "The fact is I was going to NOT tell Barbossa about bloody Will in exchange for a ship, because as long as he didn't know about bloody Will, I had something to bargain with."

Hazel finished off his monologue. "Which now, no-one has. Thanks to bloody stupid Will."

Katy was enthused by the opportunity to list words to describe the Turnip. "Yes, bloody, stupid, foolish, dim-witted, dawdling…" she trailed off when she saw Elizabeth's expression.

Katy stared back at Lizzie. "Well, I'm sorry, you two obviously like each other, but understand this; all Will's done for me is; irritate me to death, clubbed me over the head with an oar and got me marooned on this island."

Hazel butted in. "Not forgetting the time he abandoned Alex in that pub…"

"Of course. And the time he…"

Jack, looking aggravated and fed up with all this talk about Will, went off to get something to soothe the pain…


	27. Drunken Dancing and Camp Fires

_This chapter was written by the lovely Hazel and a bit by Katy. Can you guess which part?_

**Drunken Dancing and Camp Fires**

After insulting Turnip for a good solid ten minutes, Elizabeth was not amused.

"He still risked his life to save ours!" she was still desperate to get some respect for Will.

"And yet here we are. "He did a really good saving our lives, didn't he?" Katy said sarcastically.

"Bloody stupid Will." Hazel sighed.

"We'll have to do something to rescue him!" Elizabeth cried, running after Jack.

He shooed her away. "Off you go then! Let me know how that turns out."

She_ still_ didn't go away, but Jack was trying his best to get himself away from her. Hazel and Katy were also running away from the crazy Elizabeth. Nick and Joe were sensible and sneaked off to go sunbathing.

"But you were marooned on this island before, weren't you? So we can escape in the same way you did then!"

Jack turned to Lizzie. "To what point and purpose, young missy? The Black Pearl is gone. Unless you have a rudder and a lot of sails hidden under that bodice" he ventured a glance, "unlikely."

Elizabeth looked all offended and bothered as she usually did. Hazel nudged Jack. "You're going to have to be blunt with her."

He regarded this. "Young Mister Turner will be dead long before you can reach him."

Instead of running off crying, still, she persisted.

"But you're CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!"

Maybe crazy woman made _him _crazy, because Jack suddenly started knocking on trees, walking strangely about the place and wildly jumping on the spot. Elizabeth continued her long rant whilst he was acting like a crazy person.

"You vanished from under the eyes of seven agents of the East India Company; you sacked Nassau Port without even firing a shot!"

Hazel did a double take. "Okay. Why does she know more about him than I do…?"

"Are you the pirate I've read about or not?"

Katy raised an eyebrow. "_Read about?_ She doesn't get out much…"

Hazel went up to Jack. "How did you escape last time?" she said, stealing lines.

Jack looked at the three girls very seriously and paused for a few seconds. "Last time… I was here a grand total of three days, all right?" He was obviously upset.

"Last time…" Jack continued, opening a hatch in the ground, "The rum-runners used this island as a cache, they came by and I was able to barter a passage off."

He stepped down into a deep hole in the ground. "By the looks of things, they've probably been long out of business. Probably have your bloody friend Norrington to thank for that."

Elizabeth looked shocked. "So that's it then. The secret grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow?"

He emerged clutching six bottles and dropped them on the ground.

Katy looked at him oddly. "You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum?"

He solved the problem by handing her a bottle of the stuff. "Welcome to the Caribbean, love."

Hazel shrugged, grabbed a couple of bottles, and was off.

Katy hesitated. "You don't think… Nick and Joe will want some?"

She looked at the bottles in her hand. "This is _for _them. I'm not drinking again. Remember being chased by the butcher in Port Royal when we got drunk? Never again, Katy. Leave it."

The two girls found Nick and Joe basking in the sun. Hazel dropped the rum beside them.

"Ooh! Alcohol!" Joe and Nick cried excitedly.

"There's about a year's worth of rum accumulation round there, just so you know." Hazel told them, gesturing towards the trees.

Jack and Elizabeth randomly appeared again. Lizzie was still fascinated by the idea that the legend of Jack Sparrow actually turned out to be nothing.

"So? Is there any truth to the other stories?"

Jack once again looked deadly serious. "Truth?"

He rolled up each sleeve of his shirt to reveal huge angry scars on his forearms. Everyone was watching him now, in amazement.

He revealed two bullet marks on his chest. "No truth at all."

Jack then added more misery to the already darkened mood. "We could stay alive a month, maybe more." He said solemnly. "Keep a weather eye open for passing ships, and our chances are…fair."

You think she'd actually shut up now, but no. "What about Will?" Elizabeth asked quietly. "We'll have to do something."

Jack paused. "You're absolutely right," and rolled her his bottle, grabbing another for himself. "Here's luck to you, Will Turner." He held up his rum bottle in a salute before taking another swig.

And so the six of them sat in silence, some drinking, others not.

"Drink up me hearties, yo ho." Joe randomly said, taking a sip.

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me…" Nick, Hazel, Katy and even Elizabeth joined in ponderingly.

Jack looked alarmed. "What was that?"

Hazel grinned. "Pirate song."

Jack looked blank.

"What, don't you know it?"

"Let's hear it."

"No!"

"Come on, we've got the time, let's have it!" He was frustrated.

"No way." Katy was firm. She was not making a fool out of herself.

Jack threw her and Hazel a bottle each. "Have some to drink. That'll make it easier."

Hazel was just about to explain the fact that they weren't drinking when she turned to see Katy already throwing it back like water.

So as not to feel left out, she might as well take a sip or two…

…

Meanwhile back on the Pearl, Alex found herself stuck with Kevin and the Turnip. She thought hard and tried to remember when they'd be let out of the brig. Hours, anyway. And here she was, with The Whelp, of all people, and Kevin, the_ slightly_ less attractive than the rest but very nice Jonas Brother.

Hmmm. "Awkward," as Joe would say.

After finger drumming and pointless small talk they settled for listening to Gibbs, in the opposite cell tell a story about sea turtles.

"_The actor who plays Gibbs has a good voice, he should do children's books or something…"_ thought Alex.

"_I can't Nick and Joe get to spend tonight on an island with three hot girls, and I'm here I am in a brig with one hot girl, but also many ugly men,"_ thought Kevin.

"_Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth! __Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth; Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth. __Elizabeth…"_ thought the Turnip.

…

And back on the island, things couldn't be more different. Everybody was at least tipsy... not including Jack, who is just perpetually drunk. Hazel was drunkenly talking to Nick and Joe about Lost, and how similar their situation was to that strange TV show she was obsessed with.

"What? Who's Sawyer? I DON'T WATCH LOST!" Katy squealed angrily.

Hazel suddenly thought of something. "Ooh! Lord of The Flies! Remember that?"

Katy looked confused.

"With PIGGY? Remember now?"

And so they discussed that gruesome novel where the school boys kill each other when they're stranded on an island, which wasn't the best subject choice given their current situation.

Joe staggered over. "Maybe… shhhjuuust maybe… we should talk about someshling else… like… like… like our ALBUM! It doesn't have killing but IT'S AWSHHUM!" he slurred.

Katy and Hazel looked at each other.

"No more rum for you," Hazel taking his bottle away from him.

"Go… sober up somewhere." Katy shooed him off.

"You really wouldn't think he'd drink that much…" Hazel was worried. "You know, they have standards and everything."

Katy shrugged. "Unsettling few days for him I suppose."

"Yes, and apparently, rum solves everything," she quoted Jack.

"Apparently?"

"More like the cause of all problems than the solution to."

"True."

They each took another swig.

"Then… why are we still drinking it?" Katy asked, totally confused.

Hazel shrugged. "Have you seen any water?"

"Well… no, I haven't actually."

Hazel smiled. "So… we _have_ to drink it."

"To stay alive!" Katy was enthusiastic.

"Cheers."

And so they got even drunker, watched Elizabeth build a fire and _not_ help, and listened whilst Jack rambled on about the 'health benefits' of rum. Soon it was dark, the fire the only light on the island and the rest pitch black, and so they gathered.

"Singsong time!" cried Katy.

"Ooh, this is an S.O.S, don't want a second guess…" Nick started randomly singing.

Katy sighed. "No, the PIRATE SONG! But that song is appropriate, maybe we should make an S.O.S sign…"

Finally they settled for the pirate song, making up most of it as they went along, and badly danced around the fire. Eventually they were worn out. Elizabeth went off on her own somewhere, and Jack was explaining deep metaphoric significant symbolic stuff about ships to Katy and Hazel.

"The entire ocean… the entire world. Wherever we'll want to go, we'll go. That's what a ship is you know. It's not just a keel and a hold and a deck and sails, that's what a ship _needs._ But what a ship is, what the Black Pearl really is… is freedom." Jack looked wistful.

Katy and Hazel decided to steal Elizabeth's lines.

They leaned in to him. "Jack, it must be really terrible for you to be trapped on this island…" Katy began.

"Again." Said Hazel.

"Oh, yes." He put an arm around each of them. Hazel and Katy exchanged glances.

Jack continued. "But the company is infinitely better than last time, and the… scenery has defiantly improved." He laughed casually.

"Mister Sparrow, I'm not entirely sure that I've had enough rum to allow that kind of talk." Hazel said defensively.

"I know exactly what you mean, love." He twirled his moustache.

Hazel and Katy couldn't keep up the act up anymore and burst out laughing.

"Look at you, attempting to spruce yourself up!" Katy pointed and laughed.

Jack was bewildered. "What?"

Katy rolled her eyes. "Oh, don't play dumb with me, I know what you were scheming."

Hazel sighed and got up. "I'm going to bed."

Katy followed her, leaving Jack totally stumped. "Where did Joe and Nick go…?"

Hazel pointed at a couple of shadows on the sand in the distance. When they arrived they found them both sitting talking.

"Oh, they're back!" Joe pointed excitedly.

"Feeling more sober now?" Katy mocked.

"A little…" said Joe

Nick just clutched his head. "Ow, I think I have a migraine."

"It's called a hangover, Nick." Said Katy looking at him…almost affectionately, Hazel thought.

"So, how's everyone feeling about recent events and life in general?" asked Joe who then started to look around him on the sand.

"Um… what are you looking for Dude? Asked Nick, still holding his head.

"Like a shell or something so I can start a circle time. You know like a therapy group so Katy doesn't have another breakdown." Joe said.

Katy blushed at the memory and cursed Joe for bringing it up again.

"Yeah," she said turning to Nick. "Sorry about that. When I'm upset I get a little…"

"No problem," said Nick.

They were both blushing now. Hazel was tempted to start singing " Love is in the Air" but decided not to, as she knew Katy would kill her.

"Bingo!" yelled Joe picking up a small conch like shell. "Ok, whoever has the shell gets to talk, like in elementary school." (Or Primary school to all UK citizens)

Katy and Hazel looking at the shell burst out laughing remembering _Lord of the Flies _again.

"I got the conch!" Hazel screamed with laughter.

"Yes well… You can go first Katy," said Joe after the outburst had subsided. "And I think Hazel had better go after you…"

So they took in turns to talk about recent events and life in general.

A few hours later Nick (the voice of reason) said "Well it's getting late. I guess we'd better get some sleep."

"What about Jack and…"started Hazel turning around where she saw two dark shapes lying a bit apart on the sand. "Ok never mind…"

"It's really cold," Katy pointed out "Is this like the desert where it's really cold at night?"

"Hmm…" Joe pondered. "Maybe we should lie huddled close together for warmth."

Katy's eyes visibly light up.

"Ok!" she said trying not to sound too excited. "Good idea!"

Before Hazel had a chance to say anything Katy had already bagged the best spot… directly in between Nick and Joe.

Hazel rolled her eyes and settled down next to Nick.

Until they fell asleep, the four of them openly discussed many topics of discussion. It felt like they'd known the Jonas Brothers their whole lives, like they were not just idols talking to fans, but friends talking to friends. Katy and Hazel, needless to say, loved it. Katy especially…


	28. Midnight Conversations

**Midnight Conversations**

Sand is _so _uncomfortable. It's gritty, grimy and constantly changes shape.

Hazel lay there in the darkness, plagued by her thoughts. She wondered how Katy, Joe and Nick had fallen asleep so quickly and envied them. After tossing and turning for what seemed like hours she decided to get up and go… somewhere, anywhere she could be alone. It really was a small island, she felt vaguely claustrophobic.

After wandering around aimlessly she sat down near the huge fire, which was still burning strong, and the sea to let the cool water splash against her feet. She decided it was time to have a long self-pitying reflecting session.

In all the fun of being trapped on an island with three of the finest male specimens in the history of mankind ever to grace God's green earth, there is still the all important question of "Am I going to die here". Also the bigger picture – they were in the 17th century. Where they_ever_ going to get home? As in _actual_ HOME – 2008, electricity, cars and computers home.

Friends and family home…

Her slightly depressing thoughts were disturbed as she noticed somebody on the other side of the fire. Through the flames she could just make out some sort of movement.

Then she felt footsteps creeping up behind her. Not ordinary "step, step, step" footsteps. These ones kind of went like "step, stumble, step, stumble, stumble."

She knew there was only one person who walked like that…

Hazel hastily wiped the tears off her face as he sat down beside her.

"Can't sleep either?" Jack said softly, pretending not to see that she was crying.

"No," her eyes were still fixed on the water in front of her.

"Why not?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"You first," he insisted.

"So you want the list?" she said sardonically.

Jack laughed lightly. "Surely it's not that bad, love."

She looked at him through her blurred vision. "Oh, it is."

"Then tell me."

"No." She sniffled.

"It'll make you feel better…" He struggled to comfort her and touched her hand.

She brushed him away. "You wouldn't understand, Jack."

"Why not?"

She hesitated. "Because… you wouldn't."

"Bloody hell, I'm not stupid. Can't be that hard to explain."

Hazel imagined trying to explain the whole 'sucked into the DVD' concept to him… but choose another more manageable reason.

"Well, actually you just might manage to comprehend number five on my list as to why I'm still awake at this hour…"

"Which is?"

"I can't sleep on this stuff," she said picking up a handful of sand. "It's not comfy at all."

He nodded. "I'm sorry Barbossa didn't supply us with mattresses too. Amongst other things, like a boat perhaps."

She acknowledged this whilst letting the sand grains seep through her fingers. It seemed like a silly thing to complain about when there were much more important issues…

Jack continued. "However, dear, you can sleep on anything if you're tired enough..."

Hazel raised an eyebrow. "What are you suggesting?"

"I'm suggesting we get some exercise," he said calmly.

-Long pause-

"What?" She was shocked. Surely, he can't mean...

Jack suddenly stood up, grasped Hazel's hand and ran with her into the sea.

"Exercise!" He called, laughing.

Hazel certainly wasn't expecting _that_. The bleak, quiet and awkward mood had suddenly changed into a fun and cheerful atmosphere. She saw the 'little-boy' side of Jack as they absent-mindedly splashed, played and laughed in the cool ocean. The stars were reflected in the water, it was beautiful. Everything she was crying about was forgotten. Where she was, even who she was with, it was all just… insignificant.

What mattered most now was getting back at Jack for soaking her hair by 'accidently' splashing water at her.

They stayed happily in the sea for hours. Jack eventually saw signs of weariness in Hazel.

"Time to get out, dearie."

"No." The water was too blissful to leave.

He smiled. "You're practically sleeping already."

He was right. She was floating on her stomach with her eyes closed. "Mmmm," she mumbled. "I'm sleeping _here_."

"I noticed. Let's go."

"No!"

"You'll drown."

"No." She giggled playfully.

"Yes!"

"NO!" she cried.

He grabbed her feet. "_Yes_," he stressed.

She screamed as her balance was distorted. She went underwater for a few seconds.

"Great. My hair's wet AGAIN!" she cried irritably.

"And?"

"And it's going to dry all frizzy and weird, thanks to you."

"Hardly, darling. Now let's get out." He started swimming towards the shore.

She followed silently, using up the last of her energy. When they arrived on dry land, she collapsed, exhausted.

Jack grinned. "I knew you'd be tired."

"I'm still not comfy at all," she said fidgeting.

His happy expression fell. "Bloody woman are never happy…" he muttered.

She sat up. "What was that about woman?"

"Nothing." He lay down on the sand and paused for thought. "I can solve number five on your list, by the way."

"Sure you can." She rolled her eyes. "Just make a bed magically appear for me, and that's it crossed off."

"Actually, I make a rather good pillow."

"You make a _what_?"

"Put your head right here," he was pointing to his abdomen.

Hazel just stared at him.

"Do you want a pillow or not?"

Hazel smirked. "It's not quite the same as a _pillow_."

"Fine," he retorted, in a huff. He rolled over onto his side facing away from her.

She sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry for offending your tummy, but…"

Jack randomly started laughing at Hazel's ludicrous sentence.

She didn't understand. "What? Jack, I'm both drained _and_annoyed now, I could turn nasty at any second."

He turned over to face her. "Hazel darling, just shut up and lie down."

She was too shattered to argue, and cautiously rested her head on him. Much comfier than sand. Her eyelids began to feel heavy. She just wanted to know something else…

"Jack?"

"Mmmmm?" he grumbled.

"You never said why you couldn't sleep earlier."

-silence-

"Jack!"

"Aye?"

"Why couldn't you sleep?"

He paused. "Thoughts."

"Thoughts? What thoughts?"

"About… stuff."

She sighed. "That makes a lot of sense."

"I know. Just go to sleep, love."

"One more thing…"

"Hmmm?"

"Thank you." She draped an arm around him.

He was confused. "For what?"

"Everything."

And with that, Hazel finally fell into a deep asleep.

…

As usual, Katy was up early, before the sun had even risen, before Elizabeth had started burning everything.

After she had appreciated how cute Joe and Nick look when they sleep, she went for a walk.

She stumbled across Hazel lying on Jack, both of them still fast asleep, and of course, jumped to conclusions.

She poked Hazel, being careful to avoid Jack, whose arms seemed to be tangled in her.

"Wake UP!" she whispered.

Hazel groaned and slowly opened her eyes. "Katy?" she looked around herself. "The sun's not even up… go back to sleep."

Katy ignored her. "WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT!" she half whispered, half shouted.

"Shhhhh!"

"Answer me!" she was frustrated.

"Be quiet, you'll wake him."

Katy was furious. "Care to explain why you're sleeping on_him_?"

"Later. Just leave me be." Hazel swatted her away.

"Oh, of course, you want your privacy…"

"Stop being paranoid and go!"

Katy stormed off in a huff.

Hazel turned around to go back to sleep, but noticed Jack smiling. His breathing was no longer slow and deep.

"You were awake that whole time weren't you?"

He opened his eyes. "Maybe…"

Hazel sighed. "Sorry, Katy's so over-protective."

"Oh, I know she is."

"How?"

"I've spent too much time in bloody cells with her. If I mentioned you, she would…"

"Mentioned me?" Hazel was suspicious.

"Yeah, she would be all… domineering."

Hazel didn't press the issue.

"How did you sleep, darling?" he asked her.

"Perfect. I'm not getting up yet, though. I'm not really a morning person…"

"Me neither," Jack yawned sleepily.

They fell asleep quickly.

…

About an hour later, Hazel woke up properly, and watched the Caribbean sunrise. She tried to sit up, but found she was stuck somehow. Jack's arms were wrapped around her tightly. When did that happen?

She attempted to wriggle free, but he only held her tighter. As much as she would have enjoyed this, she really wanted to get up and go find something to eat.

She nudged Jack. "Let me go!"

He grumbled something drowsily.

She elbowed him. "Jack!"

He only tightened his grip, and so she elbowed him harder. "Let me get _up_!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No!

"Yes! Please, I'm hungry."

"I will… if you tell me something." He said deviously.

Hazel was baffled. "Fine, tell you what?"

Jack paused, thinking hard. "Tell me what you dreamed about…"

"Why would you want to know that?"

"I'm curious. Do tell."

Hazel sighed heavily. "Just let me up!"

"Just tell me."

She thought. What _did_she dream of? "I can't remember."

He looked her straight in the eyes. "You're lying."

"Mmm... well…" she trailed off.

"Or is it something you'd rather not tell me?" He devilishly grinned.

She looked at him sceptically. "I dreamt of my _home_, okay? Happy now?"

"Content as a cucumber…" he was uneasy. She seemed upset.

Jack gradually relaxed his arms and Hazel slipped away and stood up and stretched, in a daze.

"You miss your home," he said gently. "Bet that was first on that 'list' night."

She was astonished. "How did you know that?"

"You had that same look on your face, Hazel," he said, full of empathy.

She needed to change the subject before she broke down in tears at his compassion.

"Jack, I don't want to alarm you, but Elizabeth's burning the rum."

He quickly stood up and stared and the huge signal fire Elizabeth was creating by throwing rum barrels onto a fire and blowing them up.

Poor Jack was _very_ alarmed. His speech was reduced to "No!

Not good! Stop!"

While Lizzie was being all smarmy and annoying towards Jack, Katy once again appeared, this time with Nick and Joe. She looked strangely serious.

Hazel was still angry with her, but needed to end her paranoia. "Hey, look, I'll explain now…"

"Hazel. We are here to show you that you have morals."

"Pardon?"

Nick and Joe nodded. "Yeah… morals... dude."

Hazel rolled her eyes. "Katy, what is this, some sort of intervention?"

"Yes, exactly. See, I thought you were better than this. But I was wrong."

Hazel was bewildered. "I didn't do anything!"

Katy sighed. "Look, Hazel, I know it seems that way, but some actions have undesirable consequences."

Hazel was aggravated. "What did I do? ENLIGHTEN ME ALREADY!"

"You know what you did."

"Sorry to disappoint, but no actually, I don't," she said truthfully.

Katy nudged Nick and Joe. "Help me!"

Joe stepped up. "Of course you know what we mean…"

Hazel was shocked to hear that sensible tone of voice from somebody like Joe.

Nick continued. "Sometimes you just… shouldn't sleep with people you've just met, okay?"

Hazel's eyed widened. She was stunned.

"Is that what this WHOLE THING is about?"

Katy nodded, dumbfounded.

"For the love of WHIRLY GIGS, Katy, you of all people you should know me better than that!"

Katy was crushed. "But… but I thought… with Jack and everything…"

"You HAVE to stop this whole jumping-to-conclusions problem you have. I do have morals, thank you very much. I don't need you and your cronies to analyze my every move."

Nick blushed (again) and Joe glared at Katy for making them say all those embarrassing things unnecessarily.

Hazel walked away, appalled at her friend for assuming such a thing. She wouldn't talk to Katy for a long time…

Katy was left feeling a bit stupid, in front of Nick and Joe.

Meanwhile Jack was also away sulking at Elizabeth for burning everything.

Relations were notgood.

It wasn't the best start to the day, but at least there was a ship waiting to take them off the island, even if it was one of Norrie's. Hazel spotted it and was relieved. She _needed_ to get off this place.


	29. The Cave and the Awkward Romantic Scene

**The Cave and the Awkward Romantic Scene**

"But we've got to save Will!" Elizabeth was moaning.

"Oh, does she never give UP?" Katy sighed rather annoyedly.

This might have been due to the fact that she, Jack, Nick and Joe were being held, hands tied by Nozzlingtons cronies, while Elizabeth and Hazel got to stand with the governor and Nozz himself, being treated like royalty. Apparently the governor couldn't believe that a civilised niece of his could be turned to such villanery as pirateism hence, she must be an imposter. Also, Elizabeth had been going on about Will for the last 10 minutes.

"No," said the governor. "You and Hazel are safe now."

"What about ME?" Katy demanded outraged.

"I don't think he's listening, lovie…" Jack said, always out to annoy her.

Katy scowled but didn't say anything. Why wasn't Hazel saying anything in her defence. Didn't she know they could be HUNG for this? But Hazel was still mad at the whole jumping-to-conclusions-about-her-and-Jack-and-her-morals malarkey.

"We will return to Port Royal immediately," the governor continued. "Not go gallivanting after more pirates!"

"Well you've just signed the death warrant then, haven't you?" sighed Hazel sarkily, still in a mood.

"They boys fate is regrettable," the governor droned on. "But then so was his decision to engage in piracy…"

"To rescue US, to prevent anything from happening to us!" Elizabeth cried gesturing at Hazel and herself.

Nick sighed and Joe rolled his eyes. Elizabeth's voice was getting REALLY annoying.

Jack stepped forward and jabbered to Nozz for a while until Katy butted in.

She decided to line snatch again. "Think about it. The Black Pearl. The last REAL pirate threat in the Caribbean. And you could blast it up, eh?"

Jack just sighed. He was getting used to this.

"Is now a bad time to tell her that they're never going to believe she's not a pirate now?" Nick asked Joe. "Not after that speech!"

Katy realized he was right and shut up.

"And does it strike you as weird that all three of those girls have bits of this movie memorized?" Joe replied

Hazel glared at him but knew she couldn't come up with a snappy comeback because a) she didn't have one and b) she couldn't be seen to be conversing with pirates no matter how much she wanted too.

"You will remember that I serve others Mr. Sparrow and Miss Bloom," replied Norry. "Not only myself."

"Commodore, I beg of you please do this," butted in Elizabeth chasing after him. "For me. As a wedding gift…"

"Ooooo handbags are out! Wait, what?" said Joe.

"Stay out of the sun a while Joe…" Hazel said. Then realizing what she'd done. "I mean, lowly pirate!"

Joe gave her a bemused look.

Norrington turned around slowly, looking at Elizabeth adoringly.

Hazel shook her head and slapped her forehead. "Stupid, STUPID Elizabeth!"

"Elizabeth?!" exclaimed the governor. "Are you accepting the Commodores proposal?"

"I am…"

"Ooh, a wedding," Jack got excited. "I love weddings! Drinks all round!"

"Does anyone else think it's weird that she's like 19 and he's like…30 and they're getting married?" asked Katy.

"Well… times where different back then… or now I guess…" said Nick. But he was clearly grossed out.

Norrington stepped down of the step. "You four!" he started

"I think he means us and Jack," clarified Joe.

"You will accompany these fine men to the helm (? Again ships anatomy) and provide us with a bearing to Isla de Muerta. You will then spend the rest of the voyage contemplating all possible meanings of the phrase 'silent as the grave'."

"I've got one!" yelled Katy.

"Save it 'till later," Joe told her as they were marched away.

Meanwhile, in the brig, the deck (?) was being swabbed (? em, I think we do know a little ship anatomy...) by Pintell and Regetti. Jacks crew were in one cell and Will, Kevin and Alex were in the other one. Kevin and Alex had spent a majority of the trip sitting at the opposite end of the cell to Will glaring at him as they blamed him for this whole sorry mess. And rightly so.

"Shiver me timbers!" said the parrot making Alex giggle.

"Cotton here says you missed a bit!" said Gibbs.

Pintell hit him with the mop. Well, he was just asking for it.

"You knew William Turner?"

"No Will," said Alex sarcastically. "They were in the same crew for goodness knows how long. I'm sure they didn't know him!"

Will looked offended at her sarcasm, which made Kevin laugh, which made Will look even more offended.

"Bootstrap Bill Turner?" said Pintell. "We knew 'im."

Will leaned forward intently in that stupid way he does.

"Never sat well with Bootstrap what we did to Captain Jack Sparrow…" Pintell continued. "The mutiny an' all."

"Let me guess," said Alex. "It was against the code."

"Well, yeah…" said Pintell. "And that's why he sent of a piece of the treasure to you as a matter of fact. Said we deserved to be cursed."

"Oh stop looking like a lost puppy Turnip!" Alex yelled at him.

Alex was bored of this so she zoned out for a while and went to her happy place.

When she came back again, Barbossa had arrived and was ordering people around. Next thing she knew she was being man-handled out of the cell along with Kevin and Will.

_I'm getting so sick of this_ she thought to herself.

So there was Nozz, Joe, Jack, Nick, Katy and Nozzy's cronies all in a boat rowing towards the cave.

Katy hoped she didn't look as bad as Nick did. He was looking distinctly green around the gills. Katy found herself feeling really sorry for him. She liked Nick she had decided a long time ago. He was nice, cute, sensitive, sweet. He'd make a really good boyfriend for someone one day…

Her thoughts were interrupted by Norrington.

"I don't care for the situation!" said Norrie in that pompous voice of his.

"Oh don't you?" said Katy. "So sorry to hear that!"

Norrington choose to ignore the small teenager that was giving him hassle.

"Any attempt to storm the cave could turn into an ambush," he continued.

Jack leaned forward. "Not that you're the one doing the ambushing…" he said. " Let's say I and Joe here go in and convince Barbossa to send his men out in their little boats and you and your mates go back to the _Dauntless_ and blast the bejebus out of them with your little cannons, eh?

"Why Joe? Why not me or Nick? You and I are cave buddies!"asked Katy outraged.

"Well because Nick's too young and you, quite frankly, drive me crazy!" Jack retorted, and then to Norrington. "What have you got to lose?

"Nothing I'd lament being rid of…" Nozz replied.

Katy turned and whispered to Joe. "What does that mean?"

"Now to be quite honest with you," Jack continued. "There's still a slight risk to those aboard the _Dauntless_ which includes the future Mrs. Commodore….and her cousin Miss….um….Hazel."

"Depp, you idiot!" Katy hissed at him.

"Yes Miss Depp," said Jack.

"She wishes," whispered Joe.

So that is how Hazel found herself being walked towards the little cabin-like thing aboard the _Dauntless_ however she didn't struggle and make a fool of herself like Elizabeth was. Elizabeth was yelling angrily."This is Jack Sparrows doing!"

Hazel knew it was Jack's doing and she was touched that he had thought of her.

Meanwhile, Joe and Jack had started to row towards the cave leaving Nick and Katy with the Commodore.

"No-one ever picks me…" said Nick sadly. "It's always Joe…"

"Aw," said Katy. "That's not true… well…a lot of people pick Joe it's true but, more people pick you then pick Kevin. And I know that's kinda mean-"

Nick smiled a bit. "Yeah but it's true…"

"I mean you…you're really…cute and…you know…I mean…your biceps are huge for a fifteen year old -" Katy could have bitten her tongue off.

_Your biceps are huge for a fifteen year old? What the heck was that? _She thought.

She glanced at Nick he was blushing but he was still smiling.

"Well… you're really cute too…" he said.

Katy was once again melting like a popsicle in the sun. She had never expected that to happen at the hands of Nick Jonas…

In the cave Alex, Kevin and Will were being frog marched towards the treasure chest. Pintell and Regetti had Will.

"No reason to fret," Pintell was saying to Will. "Just a prick in the finger, a few drops of blood…"

Then another unknown pirate came up behind them

"No mistakes this time," he said. "He's only half Turner. We spill it all!"

"Guess there is reason to fret!" Pintell sniggered.

"Now that's just mean!" said Alex

"Yeah!" agreed Kevin. "There is no need to "spill it all". This is just how they get their kicks!"

"Bloody pirates!" said Alex and then laughed at her own pun.

So all the pirates gathered around the treasure chest and started to chant. Will was being held down and Barbossa picked up a rather threatening looking dagger while Alex and Kevin stood around looking awkward.

"Shouldn't we do something?" Alex asked him.

"Well yes," said Kevin. "I'm just not quite sure what though…"

In the crowd Jack and Joe made their way through the crowd of chanting pirates, all of whom stopped chanting and stared as they came through. Joe looked distinctly uncomfortable.

Barbie (who was in the middle of his big macho speech about blood) stopped in mid sentence when he saw them.

"Jack!" exclaimed Turnip.

Barbossa looked amazed.

"It's not possible…" he whispered to no-one in particular.

"Not probable!" Jack insisted.

Alex and Kevin grabbed this chance to sidle over to Joe who was standing behind Jack looking around him.

"Oh hey!" he said when he saw them.

"'Oh hey'?" asked Kevin. "We haven't seen you for two days and all you can say is "Oh hey"? Where's Nick?"

"And Katy and Hazel?" asked Alex.

"YOU FOUR ARE NEXT!" yelled Barbossa.

"Yes, well anyway," said Joe ignoring Barbossa's threats. "Nick and Katy are on the row boat with Norrington, and Hazel and Elizabeth are on the Dauntless locked in the little cabin thing. Katy and Hazel aren't speaking by the way just to give you the heads up-"

"Wait, why aren't Hazel and Katy speaking?"

"Long story," said Joe. "Cause Hazel was sleeping on Jack, and then Katy saw them and jumped to conclusions and then she got Nick and me to –"

"Stop!" said Alex "That's all I need to know."

They had missed most of Toasty's and Jack's conversation.

"Well because the _HMS Dauntless_," Jack was saying. "The pride of the Royal Navy is floating just off-shore, waiting for you."

The pirates all murmured in shock.

Outside the cave the rowing boats were still there.

"Shouldn't we be going back to the Dauntless right about now?" Katy asked Norrington, tearing her gaze away from Nick's.

"No," said Norrington.

"Um, why not?" asked Nick.

"Because it was Mr. Sparrow's idea," said Norrie.

Katy rolled her eyes.

"Men!" she exclaimed and went back to gazing at Nick.

Back inside the cave the pirates were wondering what they should do.

"Just hear me out, mate," said Jack to Barbs. "You order your men to go out to the _Dauntless _they do what they do best…"

"Wait," said Kevin to Joe and Alex. "Aren't Nick, Katy and Hazel back on the Dauntless?"

"Yep," said Alex.

"And these pirates can't be killed?"

"Oooh yeah," said Joe.

"And Jack is currently telling them to go over to the_ Dauntless_ to fight the crew aboard and then eventually kill them."

"Oh my word yes!" said Alex seeing where he was going.

"So doesn't that involve them killing Nick, Hazel and Katy?"

"Jack, don't –"Alex shouted.

But it was too late Jack and Barbossa were already shaking hands.

"No wait it's Ok," said Joe cause they'll go in the boats and then Norrie's men will get them with the cannons." Said Joe.

"Gents," Barbossa called. "Take a walk."

"Oh Crap," said Alex.

All the pirates had started walking towards the sea at the mouth of the cave.

"This is bad…" said Joe. " This is REALLY bad."

"You don't say Joe!" Alex screamed at him. "Jack, I'm gonna KILL YOU!"


	30. What Alex Missed

_Hey there. Alex here. I just want to say thanks for the reviews and don't forget about the poll on our profile page. You know, the favourite character one? And, we have exctiting news - HAZEL'S BACK TONIGHT! Woo! So, yes, we can actually share ideas properly now. No scheming. None at all. Nada._

_You are now free to read the chapter :)_

* * *

There was a knock on the cabin door.

"Elizabeth, Hazel?" said the Governor from outside. He knocked again. "I just wanted to let you know…"

"Quick, hurry up!" hissed Hazel as she finished tying the last sheet and threw it out the window.

Elizabeth maneuvered herself out onto the make-shift rope and landed in a wooden boat at the bottom. Hazel too awkwardly swung out, swaying and slipping down the sheets just as she heard the cabin door open and the Commodore come in. Soon after, gunshots and swords were heard.

"To the Black Pearl." Said Elizabeth who was rowing in its direction.

Hazel remembered what happened next. "No, go to the caves."

"What?" asked Elizabeth.

"Trust me." Said Hazel. "Go to the caves. They won't help you onboard the Pearl."

Elizabeth looked skeptical. "Miss Depp, I am following common sense, not your third eye."

"No, Elizabeth, you should be following your heart and _Will_ is in the caves."

She quickly snatched the oars off her, plunged them into the water and said, "I'm driving."

The caves were reasonably empty now all the pirates had gone off a-hunting. Alex decided if there was ever a time to use her power over Jack, it would be now.

"Leave it to me." Alex said to Kevin and Joe.

She ran over to Jack who was examining the treasure. "Jack you're a bloody idiot, you know?"

Jack looked preoccupied with other thoughts.

"Nick and Katy and _Hazel_ are out there. Remember them? …Jack. Jack, are you even listening to me?"

"Get a sword."

"Excuse me?"

"_Get a sword_."

"Do you remember what happened last time I partook in battle?" she crossed her arms.

"You might be better at sword fighting." Jack tried to reason.

"I doubt that highly." She sniffed.

Jack pushed passed her and walked up to Barbossa. Alex sighed and went back to the brothers.

"Methinks a swordfight is on the cards." She said under her breath.

"Oh, joy." Said Kevin.

Right on cue, Jack drew his sword and a full blown sword fight had begun.

Jack threw a sword to Will and another to Alex, Kevin and Joe. It skidded along the ground and stopped at their feet. Eyebrows were raised.

"I'm not taking it." Said Alex.

Kevin and Joe grumbled their agreement.

So the sword was left there on the ground while Jack and Will sliced away.

Meanwhile, Elizabeth and Hazel had rowed up to the entrance of the caves. A boat similar to theirs was already there.

"Look, it's your friends!" pointed Elizabeth, spotting two curly haired silhouettes.

"Meh." said Hazel, who still felt bitter about the island "intervention" and continued to row.

"Hazel!" said Katy. "Alex and Joe and Kevin and Jack are in there!" She gestured towards the dark cave. Swordfight echoed from within.

"What about Will?" said Elizabeth concernedly as they rowed up closer.

"Oh...yeah. He's in there too." said Katy, passively waving her hand.

Hazel straightened herself. "Well, why aren't you in there?"

"These _goons_," she pointed at the Nozzlingtons, "don't want to break a nail."

"I see."

"Can we go in with you?" asked Nick.

Hazel narrowed her eyes just to let them know they were still not on pally terms but then gave a stiff nod.

Once everyone had crammed into the boat they began their journey into the cave. The metallic clash of swords and shouting began to get closer and closer. Soon the boat hit the rock and they could see what was going on. This was the scene:

Jack was running circles around Barbs while he occasionally turned into the creepy skeleton thing but meanwhile attempting to kill him.

Will prancing around like the feminine vegetable he is but actually doing a good job on the killing undead monster side of things.

Alex, Joe and Kevin sitting on a rock and casually talking about this, that and the other. A sword lay at their feet.

Alex glanced up and did a double take as she saw her friends snooping behind a rock.

"Shhhhh" gestured Nick.

Then he, Katy and Hazel scurried up towards them, carefully watching Barbs and his henchmen so as not to get caught.

"You're alive! Wonderful!" said Alex shuffling to make room for them, "So, how was the island?"

"Sorry not to join in your little conversation but do you people not seem to care about the blood fest going on around you?" Hazel asked.

"We did but then we realized we don't want to die." said Joe.

"…Reason enough." Said Katy and then proceeded to take out a brush and fix her hair.

"Look! There's the others!" shouted an undead pirate. Everyone stopped killing each other to stand and look at these multiplying teenagers.

"Crap." Said Kevin.

The pirate ran towards them, wielding a sword above him. Just as he was swinging it down over the nearest adolescent (Katy), a loud clang was heard as Nick's sword met with the pirate's. He pushed him off and he fell backwards on to the ground.

Katy and Nick shared a brief smile while the pirate finished stumbling around. Nick then turned and went to finish him off.

Hazel, Alex, Joe and Kevin were stunned.

Alex turned to face her friends. "What exactly _did _I miss?" it sounded more like an order than a question.

Hazel and Joe suddenly became very interested in the ground.

"There's something going on here." Kevin said.

They looked over to Katy who had her eyes glued on Nick and Nick himself kept throwing over the odd glance.

"Yep, something's definitely going on." Alex nodded. "You. Come." She said to Hazel.

They seated themselves down beside Katy. Did she even notice them?

"Fancy Nick, do ye?" Alex said in a pirate accent and nudging Katy in the ribs.

"Is now really the time?" Katy said irritably.

Alex and Hazel suppressed laughter but they managed to keep serious. They watched Nick for a while until Katy said, "He saved my life didn't he?"

Hazel put a hand on her shoulder. "Yes, pet, yes he did."

Katy nodded.

Joe had sneaked up behind them. "Think we should go help Prince Charming then?"

"Yeah. Come on." Said Hazel hopping to her feet.

Alex grumbled.

"Ahhh, c'mon. It will be fun." Joe nudged her playfully and gave her a wink. Again, Alex was taken aback by this flirtiness and suddenly found herself being pulled into the fight.

_Here we go again_ she thought.


	31. Heroics, Harmony and Heartbreak

_HA! WE ARE ACTUALLY REUINITED!_

_After many holidays and much gallivanting, finally all three of us are not only in the same country, but the same room! So we actually wrote this together, for the first time in AGES. We are very nearly at the end of this story. Be patient. We'll get there in another couple of chapters._

_- Hazel, Katy and Alex. _

…

**Heroics, Harmony and Heartbreak**

So there our gallant heroes/heroines were, gallantly fighting with the ugly undead skeleton pirates.

In one corner we had Will and Joe. Or rather we had Joe helping Will. The pitiful whelp was twirling around like a ballerina dodging swords and slicing people. Joe was watching him, while fighting his own pirate, with a strange look on his face. Maybe he was picturing turnip in a tutu and slippers, or maybe he was wondering how Will was managing to defend himself so well with this method of fighting. Who knew?

In another corner there was Alex and Kevin. They both had their backs to each other fighting a pirate each. And doing a mighty fine job of it they were too considering that the pirates they were fighting couldn't be killed.

In the third corner (is this reminding anyone of boxing?) there was Nick and Katy, both managing to gaze into each other's eyes whilst fighting a pirate each.

Hazel meanwhile was with back with Elizabeth on the boat as she had realized they had forgotten some vital players. Jack's crew.

When Lizzie and Hazel arrived at the Black Pearl, they were greeted by Jack the monkey in his skeleton form doing his best to scare them. Hazel and Elizabeth just glared at him. They had been through too much up to this point to be scared by a stupid monkey living in his master's shadow.

Next thing he knew, Jack the monkey was being thrown over the side of the ship and landing in a very painful position on a cannon. Hazel was glad Katy wasn't here as she would have yelled at her for hurting Jack the monkey, who she seemed to be in love with.

Unfortunately Jack falling had aroused two un-dead pirates who had been sitting eating cake below deck. Hazel wondered why they weren't in the cave helping their cronies fight Jack, Will and a bunch of adolescents. She had no time to dwell on it however. She and Elizabeth raced down the stairs to the brig where the crew was.

"IT'S HAZEL AND ELIZABETH!" yelled Gibbs. Well, duh!

Back in the cave Joe had somehow managed to back himself up on a ledge. This was very bad as the pirate he was fighting was managing to back closer and closer to the edge. Finally, he was at the point where he could back up no more. Suddenly, Alex came up behind the pirate and pushed him over the edge. Unfortunately, this was too late for Joe and he slipped off the edge.

Katy and Alex both screamed as they imagined Joe plummeting to his death. Thankfully, he managed to cling on to the edge just in time.

"Um," said Joe. "This in an 'SOS'!"

"Joe," Kevin yelled. "You need to 'Hold on' 'A Little Bit Longer'!"

"I'm 'Burnin' Up'!" Joe yelled.

"Why would you be burning up?" Nick called confused.

" 'Look me in the eyes' Joe!" said Alex to him. "Don't look down!"

" 'LOVE BUG'!" Katy yelled.

This made everyone stop what they were doing (including Jack and Barbie) to stare at her. This was fortunate as it was just then that Joe decided he couldn't hold on anymore and slipped of the ledge… falling right on top of Barbossa. He wasn't pleased and resumed fighting Jack.

Will Turnip the nurse knelt over Joe.

"Hello beautiful… " mumbled Joe, obviously concussed.

"Ew Joe!" Katy yelled at him. She slapped him very hard around the face.

That snapped him right out of it.

"Sorry," he said shaking his head.

Back on The Black Pearl, the crew where assembled on deck.

Elizabeth was ordering people around and basically making an idiot of herself.

"Now… HEAVE!" she yelled.

No-one moved.

"You've got to help me!" she said to them exasperatedly.

"Well," said Hazel. "It's not that they don't want to…"

"We've got the Pearl…" said Gibbs.

"And Jack does owe them a ship…" said Hazel.

"And there's the code to consider…"

Elizabeth was incensed. "Hang the code and the rules!"

Next thing you knew Hazel and Elizabeth were rowing back towards the cave … alone, watching Jack's ex-crew sail away.

Meanwhile, the brawling had resumed in full flurry. Joe, who had almost fully recovered was now beating the life out of the pirate that had almost killed him. Katy and Nick were now fighting the same pirate and Kevin was battling two pirates. Hardly fair.

Suddenly, one of the pirates threw some dynamite at Will.

"Where'd they get DYNAMITE?" Katy asked.

The pirate lunged for Will.

"I'm gonna teach you the meaning of pain!" He yelled.

"You like pain?" said a high annoying voice.

Suddenly, out of nowhere Elizabeth and Hazel lunged at the pirate with a paddle.

"Try wearing a corset!" Hazel finished.

They high-fived at their own witty bant.

Will jumped up and hugged Elizabeth. He then turned and hugged Hazel.

"Ok, ok," said Hazel irritably. "Get off me. This doesn't mean I like you!"

Will still looked ever so grateful. Hazel

Everyone had now stopped fighting except for Barbs and Jack. They all gathered together to watch the fight.

"They don't tire easy, do they?" Kevin asked.

Jack, spotting Will charge up to the treasure chest, cut his own hand and chucked the medallion at Will.

Barbs, noticing this aimed his gun at Hazel.

There was a bang and everyone looked shocked. Hazel flinched.

"Dude…" said Joe.

Barbossa turned to Jack looking smug. He had shot him.

"10 years you carry that pistol and you waaaaaste your shoooot…"

"He didn't waste it…" said Will as the blood soaked piece of plastic fell on to the pile.

Barbossa pulled back his waist coat and looked at the blood pouring down his front.

As one voice the teenagers all whispered "Ewwww…"

Hazel was about to yell "I told you so!" but thought better of it.

"I feel…" he whispered, very dramatically. Even Alex thought it was a good death scene.

Barbie looked down at his blood soaked shirt. "…cold." He then toppled over.

The cave was silent. Jack looked very serious, finally killing the one man who'd caused him so much pain. Others, however, reacted differently to Ole Toasty's death…

"Nice work, team!" chirped Katy. This called for a group hug. Katy and Nick prolonged their hugging for longer than everyone else. The rest of the 'team' raised their eyebrows. Quite an 'awkward' moment as Joe would say but he managed to bite his tongue.

"Oh, look. Will and Elizabeth are having their _moment_." Said Hazel distastefully.

They watched for a while until Katy made soft gagging noises. They laughed.

"Your fiancé will be wanting to know your safe…" said Will and Elizabeth stormed out.

"Ok," said Kevin excitedly to Hazel. "That was DEFINATLEY Will's fault!"

Hazel nodded. "True. But kind of Jack's also, him throwing around all the treasure clearly distracted poor Turnip." She seemed to enjoy analyzing the couple with Kevin.

Alex walked up behind Will. "If you were waiting for the opportune moment… that was it."

Will looked upset again. After all he'd been through!

Jack meanwhile, who had accumulated a ridiculous amount of gold and jewels, was looking outlandishly at Alex who had stolen his lines. He needed to get to the bottom of this sometime, but all he wanted to do was get to the Pearl. And his hat, as well probably. Not forgetting the rum.

"Now, if you'd be so kind I'd be much obliged if you'd drop me off at my ship…" he said, swaggering towards the boat, complete with a crown on his head, many, many jewels draped around his neck, and swag bag, bursting with goodies. He was all set to go… but there was a problem.

"Ahem. Jack." Hazel began. "There's a… dilemma."

Elizabeth also looked awkward. The both of them had watched Jack's crew sail away in his ship. There was really nowhere for him to go really, except back to the Nozzlingtons. Hanging. Death, etc.

It was a bitter reality. Jack was quite depressed on the way back to the Dauntless. Meanwhile, Will was actually being useful and rowing for once, Elizabeth looking uneasy with her situation with him. Nick, Kevin and Joe were talking quietly to Hazel, Katy and Alex about… recent events and life in general.

How they all were fitting inside the small boat is a mystery.

"I'm sorry, Jack." Elizabeth said randomly.

Jack sighed. "They done what's right by them. Can't expect more than that."

Everyone was rather gloomy. Katy decided to brighten the mood.

"I think you'll escape the hanging, Jack!" she beamed.

-akward silence-

Katy persevered. "Well, you will!"

Jack looked irritable. For the millionth time, he wanted to strangle the girl.

Will looked like he was scheming something. "Let's hope so…" he said hazily.

Alex was also plotting... how was she going to talk the Jonas Brothers and her friends out of being hung along with Jack?


	32. Return to the Mansion

_**ALAS READERS!**_

_Our reunion just gets better. It was Hazel's birthday on the 30__th__, we had MUCH fun out at a Spanish resturante. We were writing this chapter, but then we had to drag ourselves away from the laptop and leave, and I vividly remember this quote…_

_Hazel: The taxi's here! Let's go!_

_Katy: -sighs- I don't want to go to Hazel's party, I want to write more fanfiction!_

_-glares-_

_Katy: -slowly closes laptop- I was just kidding you know…_

_Alex: FLIPPIN' HECK, KATY!_

_So that's how dedicated we are. We even started discussing it whilst eating Spanish tapas. So yeah…_

_SEND HAZEL HAPPY BIRTHDAY MESSAGES!! Or she'll cry…_

_Love you darlings! Continue reading…_

* * *

**Return to the Mansion**

Our jolly bunch had arrived at the Dauntless. Most of them were cold, wet and/or injured.

They scrambled aboard to find The Governor, Nozz and his multiple boyfriends anxiously waiting for them. Or at least Elizabeth and Hazel.

Jack was grabbed immediately as were Kevin, Joe, Nick and Katy.

"Stop!" cried Alex. "They're all innocent! Apart from Jack." She scrutinized him. "Maybe. Possibly…I don't know." Jack glared back.

There was silence as they all watched the red headed teenager babble.

"The Jonas Brothers are new in town. In their country, these sort of frivolous activities are legal!"

The Governor looked like he would actually buy this waffle. The brothers looked confused.

"I didn't mean that." She whispered. "I love your country. I'm just trying to get you out of this."

She turned back to the Governor. "This girl here is your niece." She pointed at Katy. "How could you! How would you look in front of…your fellow governors…if a member of your family were in prison? Or hung!

The Governor considered this. Alex smiled. She knew that he could not resist that.

"Well, yes. But that does not resolve the _sexual harassment_ charge."

Silence

"Damn you, governor," hissed Katy softly.

"Take her to the brig!" ordered Norrington.

Katy struggled while her and Jack were dragged away. "Why, Governor? WHY? You floppy haired…."

"Now, now Katy!" Jack tutted.

And so they were gone.

"I suggest you girls go get washed and changed." He looked at Hazel and Alex's seething expressions. "You look like drowned rats."

"Rather be drowned rats than an ICE CREAM!" yelled Hazel, in her head.

They turned brusquely and went into a small wooden corridor leading to the cabins. Meanwhile Elizabeth went off with Norrie and the Turnip was… somewhere…

"I hate the Governor!" cried Hazel. "Katy's in jail… AGAIN!"

"Let's do bad things to him while he sleeps," said Alex.

"Good idea," nodded Hazel. "Like spray paint his wig pink…"

They found some decent clothes and got changed, then looked for somewhere to stay. The corridor opened (?) and Nick, Joe and Kevin meandered their way in. They looked at Alex and Hazel like _what is there to say?_

"Nearly at the end of our little adventure…" Joe sighed.

"And I'm flippin' KNACKERED!" Alex yelped.

"She's what?" piped up Kevin totally perplexed.

Hazel translated the Northern Irish lingo for them. "Exhausted. Shattered. Fatigued. You know, like tired?"

The brothers nodded. Sometimes they just didn't understand what those girls were on about…

Hazel yawned. "Yes. Well I'm tired too. We're going to bed," and she walked into a cabin, found a bed and fell asleep in one quick handy movement.

Alex was left standing there. It was true, she was 'knackered', but she couldn't quite manage to drag herself away from Joe…

Joe knew this and enjoyed it. Even Kevin and Nick had lost interest and gone off to sleep somewhere. He eventually cleared the air.

"You gotta sleep, Alex."

"Mmmmmm… but we'll be in Port Royal in a couple of hours and…" Alex was trailing off.

"Sleep now. Go lie down before you fall down." he smiled sweetly and disappeared through a door.

Alex swooned and stumbled into the cabin where Hazel was. She found another bed and lay down. Finally.

"Took you a while," said Hazel, still with her eyes closed.

"Thought you'd be sleeping…"

"Romance in the hallway with Joe much?"

"What was that?"

Hazel giggled. "I know your secret!"

"Shut up…" Alex whispered uneasily.

Hazel decided to _actually_ start singing 'Love Is In The Air' this time.

Alex was irritated. "Hazel. Please. Shut. Your. Word. Hole."

Hazel shut up because she too wanted to sleep. But it was true. Love is SO in the air…

They awoke a few hours later to a pompous git of a Nozzlington rapping all the doors and yelling something about coming into port. It was two-freaking-am. The only thing getting the girls up was the thought of an even comfier bed awaiting them in the mansion place.

Hazel didn't even remember the journey from the ship to the house. She soon found herself stuck in the same room her and Alex had been sharing a few night's back, before the kidnapping whatnot. Déjà vu…

Meanwhile Katy and Jack had been transferred to Port Royal's prison. Déjà vu for them as well.

Just as Alex and Hazel were drifting off to the land of nod, there came a knock on the door. Alex mumbled something loud and incomprehensible, but it sounded like 'go jump in a river, you stupid ice-creams.' The door opened slightly and there came the voice of Nick. "Um… we're kind of lost… we were never shown a room."

Hazel grumbled and sat up in bed. "Go find a room then!"

She could just make out his curly hair, behind him two darkish shadows. They curly haired silhouette spoke again.

"But… we can't."

Hazel threw a pillow at Alex. "Go find them somewhere to sleep!"

Alex was just about to utter her resentment and commence a full fledged pillow fight when she realized Joe was there. She calmly got out of bed, walked to the door and called upon her 'lady-in-waiting' to find them somewhere to sleep. It turned out they ended up with some sofas in the living room, but it was something…

Hazel had been sleeping about an hour and woke up. The other bed was Alex-less. Empty. She smacked her forehead, "Good grief, she's gone to find them a bed and she's not back yet."

She wandered downstairs to find Alex sitting with the brothers, swapping scary stories and eating 17th century junk food.

"What is this, a slumber party?" cried Hazel walking into the room.

"Yeah, isn't it AWESOME?" Kevin grinned.

Hazel shrugged and sat down with them. Might as well join in…

Alex certainly looked like she was having a hoot. Every joke Joe would come up with, she would laugh the loudest.

They must have sat there for about half an hour, when Alex had the best idea.

"Let's go sneak out and visit Katy and Jack!"

Hazel rolled her eyes. "Let's NOT."

Alex smirked. "Gosh, Hazel you of all people would want to go see Jack."

The Jonas Brothers started laughing at her.

"Oh shush. I just really can't be bothered to walk down there…"

Alex saw the look in Hazel's eyes. "You are so lying."

"I so am not."

"You so are."

"Am. NOT!"

"You are!"

"Fine, if we went down there I'd be too bloody embarrassed OK?"

Alex nodded. "Ah. After the using-Jack-as-a-human-pillow-jumping-to-conclusions thing?"

Hazel looked upset. "Yes. It would be too…" she searched for the right term.

"Awkward?" Joe suggested.

"Yeah."

Alex sighed. "I never understood that. How did that happen again? I mean, how did you even get…."

"No." Hazel really didn't want to talk about it right now, with the guys listening.

Alex stared. "No? What's that supposed to…?"

"If you want to go, just go!"

"And leave you?"

"Yeah."

Alex followed Nick, Joe and Kevin to a handy open window.

"That's unlike you Hazel. Just come down and clear the awkwardness…"

"I think that's impossible."

"Fine. I'll send him your love!" Alex grinned and clambered out the window.

Hazel ran towards it. "IF YOU DARE SAY THAT, ALEX!"

She was already running away. Hazel went back to bed and pondered her thoughts. And seriously hoped Alex wouldn't say something stupid…


	33. Romantic Moments and Contemplating Death

_Howdy partners. This chapter is one of our favourites by far. We REALLY hope you like it. 'Twas a larf (it was a laugh) writing it. Don't forget to keep voting in the poll. And we have a new avatar pic. It's hilarious. Hazel made it. GO SEE!_

_Have you seen it?_

_Okay, we'll let you read now…_

* * *

"Jack?" asked Katy.

"What?" mumbled Jack.

"Have you ever wondered why we always end up in jail?"

"I think it's something to do with your sexual harassment thing."

"No, I mean _we_. Why do they always put _us_ in the same cell?"

"Dunno," grunted Jack.

They listened to the cold breeze rattle around the prison.

"You're absolutely no help at all." Katy sighed.

"Glad to help."

Their conversation was soon interrupted by running footsteps and laughing coming from above. Several noisy hoodlums came running down the stone steps.

'_Oh crap. The mob's here' _thought Katy. "Oh it's you."

Alex poked her head in through the bars. "What do you mean 'Oh, it's you'?" she mimicked. "I brought friends."

Joe, Nick and Kevin came in behind her.

"Hey Katy," they said, and burst into more laughter.

Nick ran over to Katy. "Are you okay?" He scrutinized her face.

"Um, yeah. I'm fine." She turned back to Alex. "Been living it up in the mansion…again?"

Alex laughed and nudged the others playfully. "Oh yeah. By the way, this isn't Katy's _first _time in prison. Actually, it's about your sixth." She snorted and she and the Jonas Brothers laughed again.

Katy glared at them. She was already angry at the prospect of being in prison for supposed sexual harassment charges.

"Are you people high?" She went back to sit in the corner of the cell. "I hope you're here to be useful. Did you bring any leverage? Or Hazel for that matter. Where is she?"

"At the mansion. Why? Are we not good enough?"

Katy was still peeved. "Well _three_ of you are." She glared at Alex some more.

They all looked blank.

"I'm sorry, Nick," Alex feigned sympathy and put her hand on his shoulder. He looked slightly heartbroken.

"I think she means _you_," Joe leaned forward to Alex, correcting her.

Alex's expression was suddenly transformed from smugness to pure shock and embarrassment.

"OHHHH! You got PONED!" yelled Katy.

Jack woke up at this loud gangsta outburst. "Rum!" he shouted sleepily. He rubbed his eyes and studied the crazy teenagers.

"Oh hello. I'm afraid visiting hours are over," he said and began to turn over but he suddenly sat up straight. "Where's Hazel?"

"At the mansion." Alex repeated wearily. "Why does everyone want _Hazel _so badly?"

They all looked at Jack and grinned.

"Yeah, Jaaaaaack," said Katy teasingly. "Why DO you want Hazel _so badly_?"

Jack stared at them expressionlessly. "Well, knowing you lot, it's quite possible she was lost at sea. Now please," he lowered his voice. "I need my beauty sleep. I want to look my best for my hanging." This time he actually turned over, lay down and fell asleep.

The teenagers were still grinning.

"On that note," said Alex decisively. "We shall bid you good-night, oh Katy one, and … Jacky one." She said to the sleeping pirate.

"No! You can't leave me here!" cried Katy looking stricken. "With this alcoholic pirate that has been calling me 'Dear Master William" for the last hour…"

"Interesting…" Alex smirked.

"It's not funny!" Katy whined, looking at the Jonas Brothers for sympathy but they were just laughing. At least Nick was trying to hold it in.

"No, it's not dearie," said Alex with a minus 100 on the genuine scale. "But seriously, we have to go. Or we could be arrested for fraternizing with pirates and sexual harassers."

"But I'm innocent!" Katy yelled exasperatedly.

"I know that, and you know that," Alex said wryly. "But whatcha gonna do? Byesey bye."

And with that she flounced out.

"Well, as much as I'd like to stay…" said Kevin looking apologetically at Katy, "I don't think I'll be able to find my way back to the mansion without her. My sense of direction isn't too good."

"I'll say," said Joe, rolling his eyes. "Well I guess I'll go too. I'm pretty tired. Coming Nick?"

"No," said Nick. "I think I'll stay out a bit longer."

Joe and Kevin exchanged suggestive looks.

"Okay," said Joe. "Whatever, just don't get lost on your way back."

"Well, bye Katy," said Kevin as he and Joe headed for the door.

"Bye," Katy yelled back. "I hope you feel tremendously guilty as you sleep in your nice warm comfy beds and think of me as I lie here on the legs of a raving alcoholic waiting to be HUNG in the morning!"

"We will!" called Alex from outside.

"And when you get back to the sleepover and you're toasting marshmallows and you're having pillow fights, and you're swapping ghost stories, and you're doing each others' nails…"

"Katy, I think they've gone…" said Nick interrupting her ranting.

"Oh," said Katy deflated. She sat down next to him (well as next to him as she could get as there were metal bars in the way) and hugged her knees.

"I hate it here…" she said despondently. "Alex isn't exaggerating; this is actually my sixth time in a prison slash brig of some kind. I haven't even done anything!"

"Well at least you're not alone. You've got Jack." He paused. "And me. Together we'll get through this." Nick reached through the bars for her hand.

She looked to see if Jack was watching. He was asleep. She then took Nick's hand and smiled.

"I'm getting hung tomorrow."

"I won't let that happen," he said reassuringly.

"Psshh. Nick, I'm gonna die. Deal with it. I have."

"I somehow doubt that."

Katy was stuck for words. She was lost in his eyes. He gazed back. He felt he should make the moment more special for her so he began to start singing really softly.

Katy made him stop after a few seconds. "SHHHH! Did you hear that?"

"Huh? What?"

"There it is again!"

Nick listened really carefully. He could hear a gagging, choking noise from outside. This was interrupted by hysterical laughter.

Katy's expression went livid.

She looked out the little wooden window at the top of the cell and saw Joe and Alex chortling to themselves outside and sticking their fingers down the throats.

Katy ran to the window and thrust her arms out at them, trying to grab them.

"I HOPE YOU CHOKE YOURSELVES LAUGHING!! I WILL KILL YOU…YOU…BIKERS! I DON'T CARE HOW FAMOUS YOU ARE JOE! AND YOU ALEX! YOU'D BETTER RUN! ARGHHHH!"

They then skipped off after Kevin. Katy glared after them and stomped back to Nick.

"How do you put up with a brother like that?" she was irritable.

"The same way you put up with a best friend like that." he smiled.

"Hmmm. Not easy is it?"

"Nope," he agreed as she settled herself down again.

"I'm sleepy…" said Katy drowsily, resting her against the bar.

"Well, I'll go then…" Nick muttered uneasily. "Night, then."

"Yeah…" Katy said slowly as he left. "Night."

Nick walked out the door cursing his brother for ruining his moment.

Katy sat in the darkening cell watching the door that Nick had just disappeared through.

She sighed as the moment she had just experienced with him was probably the closest she would come to kissing a boy seeing as she was going to die tomorrow morning.

"Nice boy, isn't he?" said a drunken voice from the other side of the cell making her jump.

"Jack!" she screamed at him. "You shouldn't spy on people like that!"

Jack started chuckling to himself.

"Stop laughing at me!" said Katy tearfully. Then to Jack's horror she burst into tears.

"Um… Now, there's no need for that," he said awkwardly moving over to pat her shoulder.

"Yes there is," cried Katy in between sobs. "Tomorrow I'm being hung for a crime I didn't commit and the most you would get for it where I come from is a restraining order! And I just watched a really cute, famous, talented boy walk out the door after only holding his hand because his idiot brother and my idiot best friend ruined the romantic moment we were having!"

And with that she continued to cry loudly.

Jack looked around to make sure no-one was looking… and gave her a hug.

Katy stopped crying immediately. _Is_ _Jack Sparrow HUGGING me? _She thought, astounded. He let go quickly and lay down on the mass of straw that was laughably a bed. He gestured towards his legs.

"Time to go to sleep before the 'Big Day'…"he said sombrely.

Katy smiled and lay down on his legs. _Déjà Vu much? _She thought as she closed her eyes.

Back at the mansion, Alex and Joe were sitting on a sofa, still giggling to themselves. On the other sofa Kevin and Hazel were chatting about… recent events and life in general.

Nick walked, in looking crushed.

"So," sniggered Joe. "How'd it go?"

"I don't wanna talk about it…" said Nick despondently, glaring at Alex and Joe. He stormed across the room and went upstairs.

Joe and Alex looked at each other guiltily.

Kevin shook his head at them "I told you not to…"

"What exactly did you do?" asked Hazel, staring after Nick.

"It's a long story…" said Alex.

"Oh, we've got time." Hazel persisted.

"Umm… no, we don't…" Kevin mumbled. "When are Jack and Katy being hung?"

"Early morning, apparently," replied Hazel. "Why?"

Kevin nodded towards the window. Everyone turned to look out. Slowly the sun was rising out of the sea.

"Oh, crap…" Joe murmured.


	34. The Final Scream

**BELOVED READERS**

_Good GRIEF!! _

_One hundred reviews! _

_To be honest we NEVER thought we'd get that many! So we're still in the process of planning a huge party to celebrate it. Just planning. I mean, we have the party of the century for every single review, so you can just imagine what this is going to be like… and we'd like to say – please review as much as possible, there's no such thing as too many! One on every chapter! BRING ON THE REVIEWS!!_

_So we've finished the movie… –sadness-_

_But we can promise you one thing – we have an epilogue, deleted scenes, and MUCH more coming soon! So this certainly isn't the end. Not even close. And YES, of course we're doing the other two movies! We can't wait to get started. _

_So my dear friends… this is only the beginning of our world domination!_

_And Hazel says thank you for birthday messages! Woooo! _

_We LOVE YOU ALL!_

…

Alex, Hazel, Nick, Joe and Kevin were woken at the crack of dawn to witness the supposed hanging of Jack and Katy

There they stood, after not a single wink of sleep, Alex and Hazel once again in awful corseted dresses, fanning themselves under the sweltering sun. They were however glad to get a bit of pampering after the previous few rough days spent at sea and in and out of caves. The Jonas Brothers had been kitted out in strange period men's clothes, complete with feathered hats. They pulled of the look so much better than the Whelp. And thankfully, they weren't wearing wigs.

Katy and Jack were standing looking rather depressed beside their nooses, hands bond. The drums started playing and a man began reading out Jack's rather long list of crimes in a droning voice. He was also holding Katy's list – hers was a lot shorter.

Will stumbled out of the crowd, went over to where Elizabeth was standing, near Hazel. He put on his signature Labrador expression.

"Governor Swann. Commodore." He acknowledged the two men, then turned to the apple of his eye…

"Elizabeth. I should have told you every day from the moment I met you…"

Elizabeth looked noticeably uncomfortable.

Turnip finished. "I love you."

Nozz and the Gov looked shocked and stared at Elizabeth. She was blank. Will walked away, not sure if he should have done that…

Alex sighed heavily. "He just picked the worst time, I mean who would tell somebody that in front of their FATHER, not to mention the fiancé!"

Hazel smirked. Poor Will. Not the opportune moment at all. She couldn't make fun of him too much though, as she was counting on him to save her friends life…

Speaking of Katy, her death sentence was being proclaimed by a Nozzlington with a really irritating voice.

"Katy Bloom. We have found that you have been accused, tried and convicted for your wilful commission of crimes… _a_ crime against the crown, said crime being the unlawful act of sexual harassment against a man under the protection of the King."

"And yet we also are hanging said man. This is so ludicrous." hissed Alex.

"For this crime, you are to be on this day, hung by the neck until dead. May God have mercy on your soul."

The nooses were being put round both their neck's. Alex and Hazel started freaking out, and prayed Will had two swords. A drum roll began.

Hazel decided to tell Alex one final piece of advice.

"When in doubt, FAINT!" she whispered.

The JB also looked very worried. They clutched each other in anticipation… whilst Nick produced a sword and ran forwards with Will.

"What's he doing?"

"Nick!"

"What do you think you're doing?"

Joe and Kevin shook their heads.

"Little brothers…" Joe muttered.

Nozz noticed what Will and Nick were doing and was about to yell orders to stop them, but Elizabeth handily faked a faint.

"I can't breathe…" she uttered and fell backwards, distracting him.

Alex and Hazel exchanged glances knowingly.

"Neither can I!"

"Ooh… the heat!"

And so they both fell backwards, enjoying the fuss they were getting off Joe and Kevin (who were genuinely concerned), but most importantly, more of Norrie's boyfriends, therefore interrupting the whole 'What the bloody heck are Turnip and that boy doing, let's stop them' extravaganza.

Suddenly the trapdoors opened. Alex and Hazel sat up, stared and gasped. Thankfully, at just the right time, Will had just about managed to throw and imbed his sword through the wood for Jack to stand on, and Nick did the same for Katy, although it was effortless, what with those mighty biceps of his.

With Jack and Katy… kind of hanging there, Will and Nick went up to fight with the scary hangman guy. Where Nick learnt sword fighting is a mystery.

Finally they were cut lose. Will and Jack ran to try to fight all the Nozzlingtons with a piece of rope, stupidly. Nick found Katy.

"I told you I wouldn't let that happen."

Katy was overcome with emotion and a bit breathless. After a awkward pause she hugged him and uttered a rushed "Thank you."

Meanwhile, Jack and Will had failed their escape attempt and found themselves completely surrounded by red suited men holding guns with pointy things, even after showing off all their 'mad skillz' with a rope. Pointless.

Nozzie was smug as he pushed his way through his boyfriends. "I thought we'd have to endure some manner of ill conceived escape attempt."

Hazel (who had followed them) rolled her eyes. "Why does he always talk like a prat?"

"Maybe it makes him feel important?" Katy suggested, coming up behind them with Nick.

"Katy!" everyone yelled (Well everyone who cared at any rate, meaning Hazel, Alex, Joe and Kevin). Cue cheesy group hug…again.

"Nicely done, Dude," said Joe to Nick giving him a slap on the back.

"Yeah well…" said Nick looking cutely awkward.

Unfortunately, all this talk reminded the Nozzer Gang that Katy and Nick were in on this too and the too were forced into the circle.

"Well, isn't this just fantastic," Katy complained. "Thanks a lot Will!"

"B-but… I just saved your life!" stuttered Will.

"No, Nick did," Katy corrected him. "You didn't even know he was following you. As far as you were concerned it was alright as long as Jack was saved. You didn't care about me! 'Cause you hate me, is that it? IS THAT IT?"

"Well, I…" said Will. "You always call me names and…"

"Now isn't the correct time for your foolish squabble!" interrupted Nozzy, still using prat speak.

The governor came forward and spoke to Nick and Will.

"On our return to Port Royal," he said looking rather hurt. "I granted you clemency, and this is how you thank me?"

Will looked like a school boy being told off by his headmaster.

"By throwing in your lot with _THEM_?" the Gov Gov continued. "He's a pirate, and she's a sexual harasser who, I have strong suspicions of that she must be engaging in piracy too."

"And a good man!" said Will defiantly.

"And a cute girl…" Kevin added in.

"Aw, thanks Kevin!" Katy gushed.

"Stay out of this, young man!" said Norrington.

"Fine," said Kevin sulkily. "Just sticking up for a friend…"

Will continued.

"If all we've achieved here is that the hangman will earn four pairs of boats rather than two-"

"Hey, wait a sec," interrupted Nick. "I don't wanna be hung! I thought the plan was we'd rescue Jack and Katy and get out of here!"

"Look around you boy," said Jack sceptically. "That plan didn't work too well, now did it?"

"At least my conscience will be clear!" Will finished, dramatically.

"Mine won't be!" Katy protested.

"You forget your places, Turner…and boy!" said Nozz threateningly.

"Oh give it up Nozz!" said Alex. "You couldn't scare the skin of a custard!"

"What the heck does that mean?!" asked Joe confusedly.

"Yeah," asked Hazel. "What in the world DOES that mean?"

"Our place is right here," said Will. "Between you and Katy and Jack."

Will and Nozz eyed each other up for a while until Elizabeth butted in. "As is mine!" she said as dramatically as Will and went to stand next to him.

"And ours!" said Joe, stepping forward, followed by Kevin.

"And ours," said Hazel stepping into the circle too.

Alex stayed where she was. Everyone looked at her. "Oh, okay!" she said impatiently and went to stand next to Hazel.

Kevin looked around. "So should we link arms or something?"

"Elizabeth? Hazel? Alexandra?" said the Governor imploringly.

Alex rolled her eyes at the use of her whole name.

"Only my parents call me that…" she hissed.

"Lower your weapons…" The Governor sighed. "For goodness sake put them down!"

The Nozzlingtons did as they were told.

Norrington looked at Elizabeth with puppy dog eyes. He was obviously upset.

"So this is where your heart truly lies then…" he asked her.

He looked so sad Katy's heart went out to him.

"Awwww," she cried. "Let me hug him! Just once. Please?"

"No Katy, that would be weird." Hazel said to her.

Katy resisted the temptation, but she still wanted to.

Elizabeth nodded.

"It is…" she said slowly.

Norrington sighed and lowered his eyes. It was then that Katy noticed Cotton's parrot.

"Hey Jack…" she said nudging him. "Look."

Jack looked and saw the parrot fly away towards the ocean.

"Well," he announced loudly sauntering out from behind Will, Elizabeth, Hazel, Alex, Joe, Nick and Kevin. "I've actually got a very good feeling about this."

He ran over to the Governor.

"I think we've all gotten to a very good place in our lives, eh?" The Governor looked disgusted at this pirate being so close to him, actually BREATHING on him.

"Spiritually," Jack continued. "Ecumenically, Grammatically…"

"And from here on," added Katy. "You shall be known as 'The Groovenor' cause you're awesome."

"That is such an awesome name!" said Joe. "I'm gonna call you that too."

Jack meanwhile had made his way over to Nozz.

"I want you to know that I was rooting for you, mate. Know that…" He said quietly as he began to back away.

"For what it's worth," added in Katy. "So was I. Turnip's a bit… well…you know." She too began back away. Suddenly she lunged forward and gave him a hug. One of those hugs where you're grabbed around the waist with your arms pinned to your sides and you can't move till the other person lets go. Norrie looked very uncomfortable.

Jack had moved towards the wall.

"Elizabeth," she turned to him. "It would never have worked between us, Darling. I'm sorry."

He moved on to Alex.

"Alex," she looked at him. "Quite frankly, you scare the living daylights out of me. Very few people have managed to do that to me. Well done."

Alex looked very proud of herself.

To Will and the Jonas Brothers.

"Will, Nick, Joe…um…other one…"

Kevin sighed.

"Nice Hats."

Hazel.

"Hope I see you around, sweetheart."

Hazel smiled. Oh, he'd be seeing her alright.

And finally to Katy.

"You coming or what?"

"Am I?" Katy asked incredulously.

This alerted the Nozzlingtons to Jack's plan and they rushed forward as Jack stepped up to the wall.

"Men!" he yelled. "This is the day that you will always remember as the day you almost-"

This little speech was cut short as Jack fell over the wall into the sea.

Katy then stepped up to the wall.

"Well, I guess there's nothing for me to add to that, except maybe…"

She stood up on the wall and gave everyone her best Flirty Look and then cannon-balled into the sea.

Every man aged 25 or under all thought the same phrase

_Wow she's hot! _Or whatever the 17th century equivalent is. Alex noticed these dazed looks on the Jonas Brothers faces and quickly slapped Joe and Kevin round the head.

"Guys snap out of it!" she shouted at them as they rubbed their heads, and then to Hazel. "That look is LETHAL!"

"I know!" agreed Hazel. "We should warn her not to use it except in _extreme circumstances_…"

Most of the Nozzers seemed to have snapped out of their trance and rushed towards the wall just in time to see Katy hit the water where Jack had already fallen.

"Idiots," scoffed Gillette. "They've nowhere to go but back to the noose!"

"Hey!" said Joe angrily. "Who are you to judge, pal? You're the one wearing the ice-cream on his head, and you call our friend an idiot? Well, I'm certainly not gonna stick around this Dairy Queen!"

And with that he removed his cape-type-thing and hat and dived into the sea, shortly followed by Nick and Kevin who had also removed their capes and hats.

"Well…" said Alex. "It's been nice knowing you all."

"Hazel? Alex?" asked the Governor surprised. "Surely you can't…?"

"Sorry Groovener, but we don't want to live in a Dairy Queen either. Laters!" said Hazel.

And with that both she and Alex jumped over the wall.

The water was quite cold on first impact, making the girls gasp.

They ignored the ice creams shouting for them to return and swam after Jack, towards Black Pearl, which was slowly emerging from behind a huge cliff.

When they finally arrived, Jack was yelling something up to Gibbs from the water.

"THROW A ROPE!"

"What do you mean, throw a rope? What's wrong with the ladder?"

Katy sighed. "It'll look cooler!"

Gibbs was even more baffled, but eventually, a rope was thrown out. Jack took it and sort of flew (like the Sparrow he is) onboard. Everyone else just waited in the water until they realized they weren't getting ropes, so they just climbed up the simple boring ladder.

When they all got onboard the Pearl Jack looked around at them astounded.

"What are you all doing here?" he asked them.

"Are you kidding?" asked Hazel. "Give me the life of a pirate over the life of a governor's niece any day!"

"Or the life of a blacksmith," added Kevin shaking his hair.

Nick had gone over to Katy.

"So you decided to join us then?" she smiled.

"Yeah," he replied. "Well Joe kinda decided for us…"

"But you would've come anyway, though…wouldn't you?" she asked.

"Yeah, definitely." He smiled.

Hazel, Alex, Joe and Kevin were watching them from the other side of the boat.

"Do you think it's going well?" Kevin asked Alex and Joe.

"Hard to say…" said Alex.

"Yeah," agreed Joe. "They're just kinda talking…"

"Well they can do what they want…" said Hazel. "I wanna go get changed. I'm so sick of corseted dresses!"

"Nick…" said Katy enquiringly. "You know that time back in prison…"

"Yeah…" he answered.

"What do you think might've happened if we…hadn't been interrupted?" she glared straight at Alex and Joe.

"No prizes for guessing what they're talking about…" muttered Joe to Alex. They gave an awkward wave.

"Well…" Nick turned back to the fuming Katy. "I'm not sure… but I think it might've gone a bit like this…"

Hazel's mouth dropped open.

"Oh…my…golly…gosh…" said Alex stunned.

"I'm going to make an educated guess and say," Kevin exclaimed "I think it's going really well!"

Hazel turned to Alex. "OH, MY, GOSH! KATY. NICK. OUR. FRIEND. KISSING. A. JONAS. BROTHER!!"

"I KNOW, I KNOW!"

The both started to scream. A loud Fangirl-ish scream that was 20 percent amazement, 75 percent happiness for their friend, 2 percent jealousy (The reason it is 2 is because it was Nick and not Joe but still), and 3 percent just for the heck of screaming as they hadn't had a good long scream for a while.

All this screaming brought Jack and various members of the crew running.

Jack got their first and saw what all the commotion was about.

"He takes his time, doesn't he?" Jack asked sceptically.

"Oh shut up Jack!" said Alex. "We all know it's because you're jealous."

"Jealous of Nick or jealous of Katy?" he asked. "Cause I can assure you it's not of Katy…"

Hazel giggled and seemed to be the only one understanding his joke…

"No," said Alex. "I mean of the whole happy relationship thing."

"Oh…" said Jack slowly. "Mmmmm…" He frowned.

"Alex, that was so uncalled for!" Hazel hissed. "Don't be so mean!"

Long pause while the girls stared at each other.

"And that, Gentlemen, is our cue to exit," said Alex chirpily, pushing Kevin and Joe towards the cabins.

Hazel went to follow.

"No, no Hazel. You stay…" said Alex deviously.

Jack looked up hopefully.

Hazel scowled at Alex. "I'm gonna kill you…"

"Have fun…" Alex smiled as she walked towards her cabin.

"Well," said Katy slowly when Nick broke away. "That was… unexpected…"

"Really?" asked Nick. "I've been expecting it from the time you grabbed me around the legs that time on the island. I haven't stopped thinking about you…"

"Really?" she asked amazed. "I thought you were embarrassed about that..."

"I was, but in a good way," he laughed. "Well, see you later…"

He walked off towards his cabin.

Katy felt the sudden erge to swoonj (_Swoon over Nick Jonas, like if you where to swoon over Zac Efron, not that you would, you would 'Swooze' or if you were to swoon over Johnny Depp you would 'Swoojd'. Get the idea? Sorry, Katy likes to ramble unnecessarily…)_ She looked around for someone to scream to. Hazel was looking like she was deep in thought and she was also on the other side of the ship so that left Alex. Katy sprinted towards their cabin and started swooning over Nick to her friend.

Meanwhile, Jack was being all happy now that he had his hat on and the ship's wheel in hand. He glanced over to Hazel who was watching him admiringly from a distance.

He smiled. "Where are we sailing to, love?"

Hazel got up and leaned against the wheel beside him and looked out on the open sea.

"Hmmmmm… bring me that horizon," she whispered.

"Just what I was thinking…" Jack nodded. "How's the list coming?"

"What list?"

"That list of your problems. Or something to that effect."

She laughed lightly at the memory of the night on the island. "Well, I've got something more substantial than sand to sleep on. And all my friends are with me, for once. So I think I'll live."

"What about your home?"

"What about it?" she retorted defensively.

Jack studied her. "You still miss it."

"Oh, stop being my therapist, will you? I'm fine."

"We can sail there… Ireland is it?"

Hazel sniffed. "I highly doubt that even you could sail to the future…" she murmured quietly.

"Come again?"

"I said: go find treasure or something instead."

"No you didn't."

"You're quite right, but what's wrong with treasure?"

"Not all treasure is silver and gold…" He put a hand around her waist. "I want to make you happy," he whispered under his breath.

It felt strange yet wonderful, but Hazel tried to ignore it and remain calm. She took a deep breath. "Well Jack, do what you do. Open your compass. Sail to wherever it points."

"How do you know…?"

"I just know." She flashed him a devilish smile.

He smiled back and obediently took out the compass. Hazel felt the urge to rest her head on his shoulder, just… because. They stayed like this for a few moments, watching the open sea, until Jack suddenly broke away from her.

"What?"

Jack was staring in disbelief at the compass. He walked up to the other end of the deck and checked it, and again looked shocked. He started walking around the whole ship, the entire time watching that compass.

Hazel was totally confused at this behaviour.

"You know where this points, right?" He asked her, still in a daze.

"The thing you want most," Hazel nodded.

"It's a bit useless for sailing with now, darling."

"Why?"

He walked towards her, and gazed into her eyes. She was uncomfortable under his stare. He finally broke the silence.

"It's pointing…"

Jack couldn't finish and winced. He needed to get the words out, and so prepared to say the hardest thing he'd ever have to say…

"It's pointing… to you."

Hazel's expression was a mixture of amazement and pure happiness.

He came yet closer towards her and drew a hand to her cheek and began to slowly and gently caress her jaw line, smiling vaguely.

Hazel. Nearly. Died.

She wrapped her arms around him, lost in his chocolate eyes and…

"WHAT THE BLOODY HECK IS GOING ON? IT'S GETTING REALLY DARK!! EVERYTHING'S DISAPPEARING!" Katy yelled, coming out of nowhere.

Jack and Hazel flinched away from each other, looking sheepish. They gaped at the shrieking teenager.

Hazel wanted to kill Katy. Jack also had wrath in his eyes. Interrupted by _that_?

He shrugged and turned back to Hazel, so desperately wanting to finish what he started.

Unfortunately the moment was gone. Hazel ran down the steps and was just about to smack Katy round the head for cutting short what should have been the best moment in her life, when she too noticed everything was eerily dark. She looked up. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. _Hmmm that's weird _she thought_… _and then _why am I thinking about the weather at a time like this? _

Alex and the JoBros came out of their cabins with confused looks on their faces.

"Hey, there's something seriously wrong with the lights in our cabin…" said Kevin.

"Yeah, mine too…" Alex agreed. "Everything's getting darker…" She squinted around.

A look of horrible realisation spread across Katy's face.

"Uh-oh…" she said.

"What?" asked Nick.

"Are you all fading?" Jack asked in astonishment, stumbling down the stairs. "Or am I just very drunk at this moment in time?"

Alex gasped. "Isn't this the end of the movie?"

Identical looks of horror appeared on the teenager's faces.

Hazel could barely make any of the ships detail out anymore. She looked at Jack, and to her dismay, he was also fading fast.

"Watch out!" Katy shouted as everything vanished. "Here come the credits!"

_So is THAT it? Did our teenagers get lost in a forth dimension, stuck between two worlds, forever living in the credits of Pirates of the Caribbean, until they knew every single one of the names off by heart?_

_You shall find out soon…_


	35. Epilogue

_**Hey readers.**_

_We've had a lot of comments from our concerned reviewers asking "Will there be a second movie?". And we can confidently say…_

_NO!_

_Only joshing you! Of course we're going to. THINGS JUST GOT INTERESTING. We wouldn't leave you hanging. Enjoy!_

...

The girls found themselves in a huge black room. "Alex? Hazel?" cried Katy.

"I'm over here." answered Alex.

"OOF!" said Hazel. "That's my leg."

"Oh, sorry," said Katy. Alex meanwhile had found her way over to them and had held onto Hazel's shoulder for safety. They couldn't see a thing.

Directed by

GORE VERSINSKI

"What the heck?" said Katy.

"I think we're…in the credits?" said Alex. The hovering words were bright white and sort of radiated light (ooh, rhymes!). Alex could dimly see her two friends gazing confusedly at the glowing letters. The letters faded and were replaced by

Screenplay by

TED ELLIOT & TERRY ROSSIO

"What are we going to do?" cried Katy.

"I have an idea." Hazel turned slowly to Katy. "KILL YOU!"

"Excuse me?"

"You totally RUINED my moment with Jack! We. Were. Going. To. KISS!"

"Oh hey, look, 'Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer'". Didn't he produce Pearl Harbour?" said Alex conversationally.

"I can't believe you Hazel. I don't think now is the time to be obnoxious," retorted Katy

"Obnoxious?" asked Hazel? "Obnoxious? What about the time on the island when you _assumed _certainthings?"

"Well I assumed _correctly, _didn't I?"

There was an angry silence as the girls glared at each other in the low light.

"Oh, it is on," hissed Hazel.

Alex buried her head in her hands. "Oh for the love of…toasted bread."

Meanwhile, Katy and Hazel had began to throttle each other. "Girls. _Girls_. Please, now calm down."

"At least Jack's a man!"

"You're only a teenager!"

"It doesn't matter. We're in a movie!"

"It's the principle!"

"Oh YOU'D know about principle would you?"

"Yeah I would! Nick has principle."

"Oh DOES he now?"

"Yes. He has a band."

"Well, Jack has a crew."

"That's not the same. Look, Nick is just…better, okay?"

"Hazel played by Hazel, Alex played by Alex, Katy played by Katy," said Alex thoughtfully watching the credits. "Huh."

"UGH!" Hazel grabbed Katy's hair.

Katy thought it didn't hurt that much so she went on to provoke Hazel some more.

"Well at least me and Nick KISSED!"

Hazel pulled harder.

"And it was the MOST ROMANTIC MOMENT OF MY LIFE!" Katy continued.

Hazel felt she could pull Katy's head off.

"Hmmm, special effects," mumbled Alex. "Hehe, Joe Pancake. Hey, wait, WHAT!"

Alex noticed a phone rise up along with the credits. She ran and grabbed it before it went out of her reach. There was a dial tone.

"HAHA! Guys, come here. Guys! Look, a phone." The girls continued to brawl. Alex decided that desperate times call for desperate measures.

"NANNY GOAT!"

The girls stopped fighting and looked at her.

"Look." She held the phone out towards them. "A phone." She said like she was talking to small children.

They scrambled to their feet and ran over. Hazel snatched it off and examined it. "Maybe, maybe it's a sign!" she muttered.

"No, Hazel, it's a phone." Answered Katy and she snatched the phone off her. "Who can we call?"

"We're nearly at the end of the movie. I think we should phone Hazel's sister and ask her to phone the police…" muttered Alex.

"Or we could phone the police directly." Thought Hazel.

"But what police would we phone?"

They pondered this for a long time.

"Why don't we ask her to change the DVD?" said Katy slowly.

They pondered _this _some more.

"That…is genius!" said Hazel.

"A minute ago you called me a skank."

"A lot can happen in a minute."

"Oh, shut up and give me the phone." Alex snatched the phone off them and began to dial. They huddled round and listened. It began to ring.

"It's ringing!" exclaimed Katy.

"We know!" said Alex and Hazel.

Eventually someone picked up. "Hello?" said a voice.

"Gemma, is that you?" asked Hazel

"Yeah…is that you Hazel? Where are you?"

"Aheh, long story. Can you do me a favour?"

"Hmm, depends." Said her sister reluctantly.

"Can you put Pirates of the Caribbean 2 in the DVD player?"

"Huh? What? Why would I do that?"

"Please, Gemma! Just do it!" piped up Alex.

"It's a matter of life and death!" screamed Katy.

"Ummm, okay. This is so weird." She muttered. "Come home soon, okay. Where ever you are." She added.

"THANKS GEMMA!" they chorused.

"And make sure to play it. Bye!" Hazel said.

Alex hung up the phone and turned to Katy and Hazel. "I hope that works."

"Me too. We've been missing a week. Why isn't she incredibly worried?" thought Hazel out loud.

Katy shrugged. "Oh crap. Look! The copyright stuff!"

The girls noticed all the logos and emblems rising up hence forth meaning it was end of the film.

Distributed by

BUENA VISTA PRODUCTIONS

"That's the last credit." Said Hazel worriedly.

"Yup." Said Alex.

The girls had nothing to do but wait until the room went black.

...

_WOW! No Way!_

_Hmmm guess you'll have to wait until our NEXT epic story to find out what happens! Hope to see you then!  
_


	36. The Last Touch of Randomness

**A touch of randomness…**

_(our answer to a DVD... this will ACTUALLY be our last post for this story...)_

_You know all that crap you get on a DVD? Like bloopers, deleted scenes etc?_

_We decided to do that for our fanfiction__, as crazy as it sounds. _

_..._

**Deleted Scenes**

_(Alex is in the pub with Will…on her 5__th__ or 6__th__ drink)_

"But Elizabeth is gone!" Turnip was whining.

"With Hazel!" said Alex, gulping at her drink. "You keep forgetting…about… HAZEL!

Will gawped at her. He looked terrified. Dealing with drunken women was not his speciality.

"I should go find that pirate…" he thought out loud. "Jack Sparrow… he may be able to help…"

"TURNIP!" Alex screamed at him. "TUUUUUUUURNIP! TUUUUURRRRRRRRRNIP! TURRRNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!"

"What? What is it?" asked Will looking worried.

"SHUT UP!"

Will looked offended.

Alex continued.

"I mean you only have a three track mind don't ya'?" she slurred. "Elizabeth. Hammers. Donkey. IS THAT WHAT GOES ROUN' AN' ROUN' YER HEAD? Take this man for example."

She turned to the rather ugly, drunk looking man sitting beside her.

"This man! This man here! He could be a' home, PARTYIN' with his girlfriend. Or boyfriend. I don't know if that kinda thing is acceptable in this day an' age." then noticing the look on Turnips face. "YES TURNIP. MEN CAN HAVE BOYFRIENDS! As a matter o' fact, you'd be the sort I would label as the type to have a boyfriend. You bein' a big flat PANSEY o' a boy! AnyWHO as I was sayin'. This… rather unattractive man could be a' home partyin' with 'is girlfriend SLASH boyfriend SLASH wife SLASH significant other, BUT HE'S SITTING HERE IN A PUB! AN' YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT PROBLEMS?? AND ANOTHER THING – WOOOOAH!"

THUMP

Alex was on the floor. She got up slowly, looking disorientated and sat back down.

"Sorry…" she said drunkenly. "I fell of ma shtooool!"

She looked round. The booth was turnipless.

"Bloody eunuch…" she muttered, and then to the barman, "Another one. AND MAKE IT DOUBLE!!"

…

_(Katy and Alex have just seen the Jonas Brothers in the line of pirates)_

"Oh my word…" said Alex slowly. "Katy, I think I'm gonna faint! Katy?"

She looked down. Katy was on the ground.

"Oh, for the love of…"

Katy awoke to see Alex, Jack and Will looking down at her.

"Now I know the prospect of having to spend a long time on a ship with the whelp here isn't a happy one…" Jack was saying. "But it's nothing to faint about."

"Oh, I don't think it's Turnip here you have to worry about her fainting arout…" said Alex, glancing behind her.

"Um… is everything ok?" asked a voice from beyond the circle.

"Did Joe Jonas just speak?" Katy asked dreamily.

"Yes, he did…" said Alex. "Now stand up and be cool…"

Katy stood up a brushed herself down.

"Ready?" Alex asked her.

"Uh – huh…" said Katy distantly.

"I'll take that as a no then…" Alex sighed.

The pair took a deep breath and stepped forward.

…

_(on the island)_

"It's really cold," Katy pointed out "Is this like the desert where it's really cold at night?"

"Hmm…" Joe pondered. "Maybe we should lie huddled close together for warmth."

Katy's eyes visibly light up.

"Ok!" she said trying not to sound too excited. "Good idea!"

Before Hazel had a chance to say anything Katy had already bagged the best spot… directly in between Nick and Joe.

Hazel rolled her eyes and settled down next to Nick.

Until they fell asleep, the four of them openly discussed many topics of discussion. It felt like they'd known the Jonas Brothers their whole lives, like they were not just idols talking to fans, but friends talking to friends. Katy and Hazel, needless to say, loved it. Katy especially…  
Somewhere on the ocean, in a dark and damp brig, Alex's eye began to twitch. And she had no idea why.

…

_(after Katy has discovered Hazel using Jack as a pillow)_

Katy walked away appalled. She stomped over to the ocean and sat down. The sun was just rising. She watched it as the orangey sun made the sky look pink. It was pretty she thought.

"Oh…sorry…" said a voice from behind her.

She turned and saw Nick standing there, looking uncomfortable.

"I'll just go…" he said, beginning to turn away.

"No, you don't have to," said Katy reassuringly.

He half-smiled and sat down next to her.

They sat in silence for a while, watching the sun.

"So…" he started. "Do you…often watch the sun rise?"

"No, not really…" Katy answered. "I just figured, you know, since we're on an island…and stuff…"

"Yeah, same…" he said, looking at her. She looked back…

"Not interrupting anything, am I?" said a loud voice.

Joe plonked himself down on Katy's other side.

"No," said Katy quickly. "We were just talking."

"So I see…" grinned Joe, looking at Nicks red face.

"So where'd Hazel go?"

"Where _DIDN'T _Hazel go?" muttered Katy under her breath.

And she told them everything.

…

_(After Katy and Nick's kiss)_

Alex, Joe and Kevin had just arrived in the cabins after watching this random outburst of… passionate emotion… between Katy and Nick.

Alex seated herself down on a hammock. Kevin and Joe sat down on some barrels of rum. There was silence.

"Your brother is _smooching_ my best friend," said Alex distastefully.

"Your best friend is _smooching _my brother," answered Joe.

There was more silence.

"Well, this is awkward," mumbled Kevin

"Yes," said Alex, "Yes it is."

...

**Special feature: Hazel's meeting with the writers…**

Hazel: "Hey guys. You have to change the script. Now."

Ted: "Why?"

Hazel: "I have a problem with the certain use of adjectives in a certain description…"

Terry: "Emm, ok. Where?"

Hazel: "Where it says, 'Jack let go of Katy and lay down on _their quaint little straw bed._'"

Ted: "And what would be wrong with that?"

Terry: "Yeah! We worked on that part for ages."

Hazel: (very serious) "Every single word there is incredibly suggestive._ Their. Quaint. Little. Straw. BED! _Do you see? DO YOU SEE? The word 'their' suggests they are sharing it. The word 'quaint' suggests it was nice and cosy. The word 'little' suggests they had to be very close in order to fit in it… I could go on. And then to make things worse he gestures to his legs. SERIOUSLY! KATY IS SUCH A PLAYER! She just goes from Nick straight to Jack! This doesn't fit with her character, it's misleading! The viewers will be confused! The movie will be A DISASTER! A COMPLETE DISASTER! Everybody will be bankrupt! Disney will sue because… because they like doing that! And my acting career will be ruined and I'll DIE!"

-awkward pause-

Terry: But it's only a description to help the prop-masters.

Ted: Nobody's actually going to _say_ it. Don't worry.

Hazel: It's being taken out! NOW!!

And so the few words were altered. On everybody's script. The photocopying bill was extortionate.

_T__his is exactly like a conversation Hazel had with Katy and Alex. She had issues with their somewhat suggestive writing. The 'quaint little straw bed' was eventually changed to '__the mass of straw that was laughably a bed'. _

_coughHazelwajustjealousashellofKatycough_

_..._

**Alternative Ending**

Back in the cave Joe had somehow managed to back himself up on a ledge. This was very bad as the pirate he was fighting was managing to back closer and closer to the edge. Finally, he was at the point where he could back up no more. Suddenly, Alex came up behind the pirate and pushed him over the edge. Unfortunately, this was too late for Joe and he slipped off the edge.

Katy and Alex both screamed as they imagined Joe plummeting to his death. Thankfully, he managed to cling on to the edge just in time.

"Um," said Joe. "This in an 'SOS'!"

"Joe," Kevin yelled. "You need to 'Hold on' 'A

Little Bit Longer'!"

"I'm 'Burnin' Up'!" Joe yelled.

"Why would you be burning up?" Nick called, confused.

"'Look me in the Eyes' Joe!" said Alex to him. "Don't look down!"

"'LOVE BUG'!" Katy yelled.

This made everyone stop what they were doing (including Jack and Barbie) to stare at her. This was fortunate as it was just then that Joe decided he couldn't hold on anymore and slipped of the ledge… Right on top of Barbossa.

Barbossa was knocked off his feet, and hit his head off the hard stone ground. Joe had landed on Barbossa's chest and was sitting on it like a chair.

"I feel… squaaaaashed," growled Barbossa. He then closed his eyes…

…and died.

There was silence in the caves. Joe had a look of utter horror on his face. He looked to Alex, Katy, Kevin, Nick, Jack and Will.

"What have I done?" he whispered/screamed.

The camera panned out to overlook the cave scene where everyone was still looking at each other in shock.

The End.

_(we were actually going to end it like this when we had extremely BAD writer's block…)_

…

**Bloopers**

- About a million takes of the stunt team trying to get the lamp shade to land properly on Katy's head. Most of the time it bounces off her hair. (In the end we had to use CGI to do it properly…)

Take 1  
Alex: (to Jack) You're desisable!  
Johnny: Who?

Take 2  
Alex: You're des… dep… desplicable!  
Johnny: Enunciate!

Take 3  
Alex: You're declip.. dabclic… oh, for goodness sake!  
Johnny: It's pronounced _despicable_.  
Alex: De…spicke sible?  
Gore: Cut!  
Alex: No, don't! I can say it! Decrips… able… was that it?  
Johnny: No.

- Katy: (walking towards Nick, being romantic) What would have happened in the prison before if we… -trips and falls onto the deck-  
(Nick bursts out laughing)  
Katy: I just fell over my own freaking feet.  
Joe: You are truly _falling_ for Nick, Katy.  
Alex: What a wonderful pun.  
Joe: Thank you.

- Gore: Action!  
(Katy grabs Nicks legs, he stumbles and falls on top of Katy)  
(laughter)  
Joe: There's one way of _pulling_ Nick… eh eh?  
Hazel: Your jokes are getting worse.

- Alex: (slurring) "It's SSSHHHHTUUUURNIP!" (falls on Will)  
(Orlando fails to hold her upright)  
Alex: (from the ground, still acting drunk) SHHHCUUM! LETTING A WOMAN DROP TO THE FLOOR WHILSSHHT SHE IS IN A DRUNKEN STATE!  
Orlando: Sorry about that… (helps her up)  
Alex: NAAAAY FAIR MAIDEN!  
Gore: cut!  
Alex: NAAY!  
Orlando: …You can stop acting now.  
Alex: NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!  
Orlando: All right then.  
Alex: I was CRYIN' for ya! (whispers) Cryin'.  
Gore: I said… CUT!  
Alex: (blinks) Sorry, I was really into that scene…

- Hazel picks up lamp and hit's Katy with it  
(Lamp smashes)  
Katy: …Ow…  
Hazel: Oh my word, Katy I'm sooo sorry! Are you ok?  
Katy: …Ow…

- Joe: Why... did you do that?  
Orlando: What?  
Swings round with oar and Katy falls over  
Orlando: Oh my goodness I think I actually hit her!  
Alex: Katy? Shakes her KATY?  
Katy: wakes up …Ow…

- Joe drops gun on Katy's foot  
Joe: Oh sorry, Katy. Are you ok?  
Katy: Clutching foot and leaning on Joe for support WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP HURTING ME??

- Katy and Alex have found a piano in a random room at the studio. For some reason, they are being filmed. Alex is playing "Burnin' Up" by the Jonas Brothers on piano. Katy is singing along while doing her "Joe Jonas Impression"  
Katy (singing): I'm HYAT! breaths out quickly You're Cuold! Breaths out quickly  
Joe (coming through the door) : What are you guys doing?  
Katy: Oh crap! hides under piano  
Alex: He he… BYE! Runs out of room

...

**FINAL NOTE!!**

Dear readers, it's been a good run. After at least twenty two incidents of fainting and hundreds of moments of pure hysteria, we have given you just about EVERYTHING we can for this movie. We have searched through every chapter and racked our brains. This is all we've got… there's nothing else we can add. Nada.

SO WE'RE DOING THE SECOND ONE!!

It's being posted as a separate story, and it should be up and running soon… and so we have included a teaser.

Love Alex, Katy and Hazel

Xxx

…

**COMING SOON!**

**TO A FAN FICTION WEBSITE NEAR YOU!**

**FANGIRLNESS REWRITTEN 2**

**CRAZIER THAN BEFORE! MORE TOMFOOLERY! MORE JOBROS THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A MARACA AT! EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE ONLY THREE OF THEM….**

**YOU CAN ALSO EXPECT:**

**- MORE HUMOUR  
****- MORE DRAMA  
****- MORE UNEXPECTED TWISTS  
****- MORE NAME CALLING  
****- MORE PANSYISM  
****- MORE ROMANCE (OOH ER)  
****- MORE SWASHBUCKLING  
****- LESS FAINTING**

**COMING SOON… YEAH.**


End file.
